dad seeking woman who doesn't have and doesn't want kids?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 45-year old divorced dad with an ES and MS kid. Shortly before Covid, I was starting to get back into dating more seriously, looking for a real relationship. I'm open to marriage but do not want to have more kids and do not want to blend a family or deal with someone else's kids. So, I was hoping to find someone who doesn't have and doesn't want kids. (To be clear, I'm not looking for a woman to step into the role of being a mom to my kids; they have two fully engaged and capable parents. Sure, at some point, the relationship might become serious enough that they'd become part of my kids' life, but I'm not expecting that to be in a parental role.) But the women I was meeting who are looking for a relationship all seemed to either have kids or want kids. Then Covid hit and I shut it down. But now I'm thinking about getting back into dating post-Covid and I'm kind of stumped. Am I looking for a unicorn or am I looking in the wrong places? Mostly I've met women through match.com and social functions. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

You are definitely looking for a unicorn. A woman who doesn’t want kids... does not want kids. The fact that you won’t want her to parent them is somewhere between “not helpful to your cause” and “actually worse since she won’t have the authority of a stepmom in your mind.”

Does such a woman exist? Possibly. But it’s just definitely rare. And possibly going to require other compromises on your list of preferences in a partner.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 47 year old woman who did not want kids (I am happily married). I have a few friends who are single and don't want kids and or that ship has sailed. All interesting, attractive, nice fun people. I'm trying to think of where you could meet them, I am not sure that they are on the dating sites anymore and it might be really hard to filter that out. I suspect that you should "target" women who are 45+ so that you don't have the case of someone who thinks they don't want kids, but may change their mind (if you are looking for very long term). Do you do athletics? Tennis/running/cross fit? Would you be open to someone with kids who are already in college?

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom with one elementary age child I understand where you are coming from because I am not interested in being a stepmom. What I found out though is that dating a man who has never had kids was too hard and they lack the understanding that comes with parenthood. Now I am open to dating someone with one child who has a good relationship with their child’s mother but I am still not interested in becoming a stepmom so marriage is out for a while.

[Anonymous]

You are really selfish to expect a woman to not have or want kids so she can cater to you and your needs.

[Anonymous]

If you're looking for a full partner in your life, this woman will HAVE to be a parent - to your own kids. You cannot separate the wife role from the stepmother's role, unless you plan on being a completely absent father. A woman who is fine with parenting step-kids will very likely either have kids of her own already or want kids of her own.

Some more introspection is necessary, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

[Anonymous]

Most 45-50 year old women who don’t have kids don’t want a guy with a kid in ES. They don’t want to deal with your baggage just like you don’t want a women with kid baggage of her own. You will probably have more luck when your kids are older and you are open to a woman with similarly grown kids.

[Anonymous]

Ugh I don't want to have kids so I definitely don't want yours. What do you have to offer except take take take

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Possibly? But only if there’s some reason she can’t have kids. Otherwise why would she not want them? PP who said look 45+ was surely right. What age range have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

I am childfree by choice and would never date a man with kids. Why? Because I don’t want that lifestyle. However, don’t have to worry - happily married 23 yrs.

[Anonymous]

Are you dating women in their 30s? There are a lot of women your age who don't have kids and aren't going to be making any at this point. If you're looking at 35 year olds who are open to being a stepparent (because that's where this relationship would go if it's successful) then, yeah, she's probably also going to want biological children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Hahaha you are delusional to think some amazing child less woman would come into your life, take care of YOUR kids, but not want her own!
Keep dreamin, buddy

Roflmao!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

What woman would be happy with that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 45-year old divorced dad with an ES and MS kid. Shortly before Covid, I was starting to get back into dating more seriously, looking for a real relationship. I'm open to marriage but do not want to have more kids and do not want to blend a family or deal with someone else's kids. So, I was hoping to find someone who doesn't have and doesn't want kids. (To be clear, I'm not looking for a woman to step into the role of being a mom to my kids; they have two fully engaged and capable parents. Sure, at some point, the relationship might become serious enough that they'd become part of my kids' life, but I'm not expecting that to be in a parental role.) But the women I was meeting who are looking for a relationship all seemed to either have kids or want kids. Then Covid hit and I shut it down. But now I'm thinking about getting back into dating post-Covid and I'm kind of stumped. Am I looking for a unicorn or am I looking in the wrong places? Mostly I've met women through match.com and social functions. Any advice?

You want a woman who doesn’t want kids but is ok with your kids? This would work if you were just casually dating but if you get serious, it’s no longer realistic to expect that she won’t have to deal with your kids. Stick to casual dating or wait until your kids are out of the house, if you really mean what you are saying. No woman who doesn’t want kids wants to become a stepmom.