If you were married for a long time but got divorced how is dating life working out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

That is excellent. Good for you! I actually figured it might be sales...but what? Pharmaceutical sales? Insurance? When people say “sales” I always wonder what they are selling.

I sell money. Which is ironic given the PPs comment that we sell useless things. I’m sure the “hard skill” work they do is much more cerebral and rewarding- but I really enjoy the 30 hour workweeks and high income.

I don't know what that even means...you sell "money"? I have a family member in investment management but it is not sales. I don't know what selling "money" actually means. You are lucky to have that position. Congrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got into the online dating scene as a late 40s woman. As many have posted, it was easier than expected to find dates and have plenty of sex. I met a bunch of interesting and attractive (to me) men, both older and younger. I never lacked attention and dates. I had a couple of guys I dated for a few months, a couple of relationships that lasted over a year, including a 2+ years relationship with another woman ( yes, I play both teams). The two people I had longer relationships with were people I loved and would’ve liked to have a forever relationship with, but things didn’t work out. Pairing up in middle age when there are set lives, obligations, homes, kids has proved challenging for me. Both of my exes are still hovering around, interested, but I think I may have reached the point a lot of older women reach where they’re done with making the compromises and sacrifices required to maintain a long-term relationship. After spending over 20 years putting others first, bending and compromising for husband and kids I’m not sure I’m willing to do that again. If I meet someone with whom the cost of a relationship is one that seems easy for me to pay it’ll be by serendipity because I’m definitely done with online dating.

Honey, anyone with female organs can find sex in a heartbeat. Nothing special to report.

I didn’t say there was anything special to report. I was echoing what others have said that there are plenty of people in the middle age dating pool for someone coming out of a long relationship in midlife.

My point was to relay my personal experience that dating and finding sex was not the challenge. For me it was finding a lasting relationship. Others have been successful, I’m sure. I’m just adding my anecdata in response to OP’s request for others’ experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

That is excellent. Good for you! I actually figured it might be sales...but what? Pharmaceutical sales? Insurance? When people say “sales” I always wonder what they are selling.

I sell money. Which is ironic given the PPs comment that we sell useless things. I’m sure the “hard skill” work they do is much more cerebral and rewarding- but I really enjoy the 30 hour workweeks and high income.

I don't know what that even means...you sell "money"? I have a family member in investment management but it is not sales. I don't know what selling "money" actually means. You are lucky to have that position. Congrats.

Sounds like a weird way of saying that he/she makes loans at a bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a long marriage, who the h@ll wants to date again? Maybe switch teams.

LOL I was thinking the same thing, but not even switching teams. Like, I’m done with people and want to be alone again!

That said, I wonder if dating is a bit easier when you’re older because the pressure’s off? For women in particular, at least when I was growing up, there was so much pressure to get married and have kids. Even if you said you weren’t interested in that, people assumed you secretly were or would change your mind. If you’re a divorced woman in your 40s+ now you are truly free from all that BS. You’ve done the marriage and possibly kids thing and are now able to really think about and explore what you and only you want. Seems like it would naturally breed confidence and excitement and I’m sure that attracts a lot of potential partners.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a long marriage, who the h@ll wants to date again? Maybe switch teams.

LOL I was thinking the same thing, but not even switching teams. Like, I’m done with people and want to be alone again!

That said, I wonder if dating is a bit easier when you’re older because the pressure’s off? For women in particular, at least when I was growing up, there was so much pressure to get married and have kids. Even if you said you weren’t interested in that, people assumed you secretly were or would change your mind. If you’re a divorced woman in your 40s+ now you are truly free from all that BS. You’ve done the marriage and possibly kids thing and are now able to really think about and explore what you and only you want. Seems like it would naturally breed confidence and excitement and I’m sure that attracts a lot of potential partners.

+100000

I think that is true to a large extent...but most divorced women in their 40s in urban areas still have kids at home...and many still in elementary school. It is complicated. In the past, many women in their 40s had kids already gone in college and then the above statement is 100% true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a long marriage, who the h@ll wants to date again? Maybe switch teams.

LOL I was thinking the same thing, but not even switching teams. Like, I’m done with people and want to be alone again!

That said, I wonder if dating is a bit easier when you’re older because the pressure’s off? For women in particular, at least when I was growing up, there was so much pressure to get married and have kids. Even if you said you weren’t interested in that, people assumed you secretly were or would change your mind. If you’re a divorced woman in your 40s+ now you are truly free from all that BS. You’ve done the marriage and possibly kids thing and are now able to really think about and explore what you and only you want. Seems like it would naturally breed confidence and excitement and I’m sure that attracts a lot of potential partners.

+100000

I think that is true to a large extent...but most divorced women in their 40s in urban areas still have kids at home...and many still in elementary school. It is complicated. In the past, many women in their 40s had kids already gone in college and then the above statement is 100% true

Nope. In your 40s kids don’t work against you, especially when you’ve got your own wealth, career, and if you’re a loving and good mom men are even more attracted. Lots of single men are thrilled to have an instant starter family. Bonus, they skip thé nights of sleep deprivation and post-partum mood swings. there reaches a certain point where you’re just past all of the stupid stuff that is irrelevant. If you love where you are in life, and yourself, and others, you attract so much more healthiness and you’re much more discerning about anything that takes away from time that you value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a long marriage, who the h@ll wants to date again? Maybe switch teams.

LOL I was thinking the same thing, but not even switching teams. Like, I’m done with people and want to be alone again!

That said, I wonder if dating is a bit easier when you’re older because the pressure’s off? For women in particular, at least when I was growing up, there was so much pressure to get married and have kids. Even if you said you weren’t interested in that, people assumed you secretly were or would change your mind. If you’re a divorced woman in your 40s+ now you are truly free from all that BS. You’ve done the marriage and possibly kids thing and are now able to really think about and explore what you and only you want. Seems like it would naturally breed confidence and excitement and I’m sure that attracts a lot of potential partners.

+100000

I think that is true to a large extent...but most divorced women in their 40s in urban areas still have kids at home...and many still in elementary school. It is complicated. In the past, many women in their 40s had kids already gone in college and then the above statement is 100% true

Nope. In your 40s kids don’t work against you, especially when you’ve got your own wealth, career, and if you’re a loving and good mom men are even more attracted. Lots of single men are thrilled to have an instant starter family. Bonus, they skip thé nights of sleep deprivation and post-partum mood swings. there reaches a certain point where you’re just past all of the stupid stuff that is irrelevant. If you love where you are in life, and yourself, and others, you attract so much more healthiness and you’re much more discerning about anything that takes away from time that you value.

So true. I was surprised by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a long marriage, who the h@ll wants to date again? Maybe switch teams.

LOL I was thinking the same thing, but not even switching teams. Like, I’m done with people and want to be alone again!

That said, I wonder if dating is a bit easier when you’re older because the pressure’s off? For women in particular, at least when I was growing up, there was so much pressure to get married and have kids. Even if you said you weren’t interested in that, people assumed you secretly were or would change your mind. If you’re a divorced woman in your 40s+ now you are truly free from all that BS. You’ve done the marriage and possibly kids thing and are now able to really think about and explore what you and only you want. Seems like it would naturally breed confidence and excitement and I’m sure that attracts a lot of potential partners.

+100000

I think that is true to a large extent...but most divorced women in their 40s in urban areas still have kids at home...and many still in elementary school. It is complicated. In the past, many women in their 40s had kids already gone in college and then the above statement is 100% true

Nope. In your 40s kids don’t work against you, especially when you’ve got your own wealth, career, and if you’re a loving and good mom men are even more attracted. Lots of single men are thrilled to have an instant starter family. Bonus, they skip thé nights of sleep deprivation and post-partum mood swings. there reaches a certain point where you’re just past all of the stupid stuff that is irrelevant. If you love where you are in life, and yourself, and others, you attract so much more healthiness and you’re much more discerning about anything that takes away from time that you value.

+1. When DH and I first started dating, he thought my love and devotion to my kids was an endearing trait. For some men, they look for looks and character. He didn’t have kids and didn’t search out looking for an instant family, but he surprisingly enjoys our family life - hiking, sports, family dinners, bedtime stories.

[Anonymous]

Haven't really dated around, per se. Met a woman in a sports club I'm involved with soon after divorce - shared club, shared interests, similar experiences with our exes. Her kids are much older than mine.

So ... I don't know about the dating game, but happy to share what has worked in this experience. We've been honest and open with each other - neither of us is looking to get married again anytime soon, and we both put our kids first. We've both cancelled plans with each other because of last minute changes with custody schedules - and we support each other when that happens. Her kids don't know I exist, and mine don't know she exists. We both saw what happened when her asshole of an ex foisted multiple new relationships onto her kids and difficulty seeing his partners in and out of the house caused the kids. We work around each other's schedules and activities - but coming out of difficult marriages, we're also both happy to have a fair amount of alone time, too. And yes, as PP said, seeing the priority she puts on her relationship with her kids is hugely attractive and important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a PP. For people posting you make 400k, what on earth do you do? I followed my ex around and it really damaged my earnings/stalled my career. I know there are some obvious professions with this earning but I was surprised to read it more than once in this post. I'm curious. What do you do?

Don't you understand that DCUM is Lake Wobeggon - everybody is above average.

-- salaries generally $400K+
-- Ivy League schools
-- gorgeous or if described as average, still have an army of male admirers
-- drive high-end cars
-- children are straight A students

I make 210, went to an Ivy equivalent, average looking (maybe a 6 or 7 in my 20s), drive a Honda Pilot, my kids are straight A students. Feel better?