If you were married for a long time but got divorced how is dating life working out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad here.

Had no idea how easy it would be to date and have regular sex on the 50 percent of the weeks where I don't have custody.

How are you meeting women? Your age or younger?

Online, but also everywhere from in line at a store (pre-covid) to a teacher at my kid's school.

It's easy to date women in their 20s and women my own age with kids of their own. Early 30s who are never married with no kids want nothing to do with me (and I don't blame them).

FWIW, I'm a black man, former college athlete and with a good job who has only dated black women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your personal circumstances.

For men who are in shape and have money, the world is their oyster. They can date 10+ years younger and there are plenty of options.

For men who let themselves go and/or weren’t that successful in life, it’s a much different world.

Women tend to fall somewhere in between.

This is true. I'm in my early 40s and divorced. I am above average looking and still in good shape. I used to be a serious athlete decades ago and have kept my body in decent shape. I also cycle 40 miles a week. But, the above is true, if you have money woman are drawn to you. I earn over $400,000 a year (net) and have two weekend just outside of DC. When people began finding out I was divorced I had many women contact me to "see how I was doing" or "to catch up"...the usual reasons to meet up. However, it was very clear to me my value to women. I hate to say this so bluntly, but yes money matters as does looks to a degree.

Since being divorced I've dated two women seriously. Both relationships lasted several months. I've also slept with three other woman. All whom were 5-12 years younger than me. All I would easily categorize as 8 and up on a 1-10 scale. I realize financial stability is very attractive to women, even if it's not obvious to me. Same for men who love take looks seriously (whether we realize it or not).

But, it's not all fun. Even if dating and sex are good, there's always the notion of not finding someone again. Being divorced is hard. The process itself is life draining. You never want to go through that again. So, the shield is always up.

Yeah, if you’re early 40s and clear $400k, you’ll do great. You’re a 50-year-old Fed making $150k? Not so much. But men can’t understand that.

1. A man making $150k is in the top 10 percent in the US. 20 years at $150k results in a $1.5 million 401k, and that's just investing 12 percent of income. Include a Roth IRA and HSA and it's $2.1 million.

2. $150k a year is a fortune in Bangkok, Croatia, Colombia, and a lot of other nice places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After a long marriage, who the h@ll wants to date again? Maybe switch teams.

LOL I was thinking the same thing, but not even switching teams. Like, I’m done with people and want to be alone again!

That said, I wonder if dating is a bit easier when you’re older because the pressure’s off? For women in particular, at least when I was growing up, there was so much pressure to get married and have kids. Even if you said you weren’t interested in that, people assumed you secretly were or would change your mind. If you’re a divorced woman in your 40s+ now you are truly free from all that BS. You’ve done the marriage and possibly kids thing and are now able to really think about and explore what you and only you want. Seems like it would naturally breed confidence and excitement and I’m sure that attracts a lot of potential partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your personal circumstances.

For men who are in shape and have money, the world is their oyster. They can date 10+ years younger and there are plenty of options.

For men who let themselves go and/or weren’t that successful in life, it’s a much different world.

Women tend to fall somewhere in between.

This is true. I'm in my early 40s and divorced. I am above average looking and still in good shape. I used to be a serious athlete decades ago and have kept my body in decent shape. I also cycle 40 miles a week. But, the above is true, if you have money woman are drawn to you. I earn over $400,000 a year (net) and have two weekend just outside of DC. When people began finding out I was divorced I had many women contact me to "see how I was doing" or "to catch up"...the usual reasons to meet up. However, it was very clear to me my value to women. I hate to say this so bluntly, but yes money matters as does looks to a degree.

Since being divorced I've dated two women seriously. Both relationships lasted several months. I've also slept with three other woman. All whom were 5-12 years younger than me. All I would easily categorize as 8 and up on a 1-10 scale. I realize financial stability is very attractive to women, even if it's not obvious to me. Same for men who love take looks seriously (whether we realize it or not).

But, it's not all fun. Even if dating and sex are good, there's always the notion of not finding someone again. Being divorced is hard. The process itself is life draining. You never want to go through that again. So, the shield is always up.

Yeah, if you’re early 40s and clear $400k, you’ll do great. You’re a 50-year-old Fed making $150k? Not so much. But men can’t understand that.

1. A man making $150k is in the top 10 percent in the US. 20 years at $150k results in a $1.5 million 401k, and that's just investing 12 percent of income. Include a Roth IRA and HSA and it's $2.1 million.

2. $150k a year is a fortune in Bangkok, Croatia, Colombia, and a lot of other nice places.

Actual net income has had very little bearing on my ability to get dates with hot women. I make 170-190 but I have clothes that look good. I drive a sports car, bought used but girls don't realize its 8 years old. Kept muscle on the body I'm in the same shape I was when I was 30-35. ( 49 now). Helps that I have all my hair I color it when needed. I have 3 friends all about the same age that date very hot women that are all about 15 years younger. I didn't initially think i would date that age because many of these girls want kids, the sweet spot is the girls that have kids already

[Anonymous]

Actual net income has had very little bearing on my ability to get dates with hot women. I make 170-190 but I have clothes that look good. I drive a sports car, bought used but girls don't realize its 8 years old. Kept muscle on the body I'm in the same shape I was when I was 30-35. ( 49 now). Helps that I have all my hair I color it when needed. I have 3 friends all about the same age that date very hot women that are all about 15 years younger. I didn't initially think i would date that age because many of these girls want kids, the sweet spot is the girls that have kids already

Yuck. Do you or the women you "date" care about anything substantive? And they are women, btw, not girls (assuming they are over 18).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Actual net income has had very little bearing on my ability to get dates with hot women. I make 170-190 but I have clothes that look good. I drive a sports car, bought used but girls don't realize its 8 years old. Kept muscle on the body I'm in the same shape I was when I was 30-35. ( 49 now). Helps that I have all my hair I color it when needed. I have 3 friends all about the same age that date very hot women that are all about 15 years younger. I didn't initially think i would date that age because many of these girls want kids, the sweet spot is the girls that have kids already

Yuck. Do you or the women you "date" care about anything substantive? And they are women, btw, not girls (assuming they are over 18).

You must be bad at math I'm almost 50 dates age range close to < 15 my age so 35-38 in most cases.. I havent dated anyone under 35. I went on dates with girls, sorry women that were near 43-50 when I first started dating only one was attractive. Men are more visual than women this is not news. Blah blah the 35 y/o I am dating now will get old this is true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

My experience is that women like smart, successful men far more than men like smart, successful women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

My experience is that women like smart, successful men far more than men like smart, successful women.

Yes. Patriarchy has meant that women naturally sorted for the most successful man they could get to ensure their survival. Man have always had power, and women beauty.

A pretty woman with power can be very disconcerting to men. It goes against what has historically always been true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

My experience is that women like smart, successful men far more than men like smart, successful women.

Depends on the man and the degree of success. I make more than my DH, and he wasn’t interested in supporting a SAHM. All things being equal, a woman who pulls a pay check is a better catch than a woman who doesn’t. Everyone wants someone hot, and only so many of those to go around. For the average cute woman, a high salary is a plus. For the limited number of super hot women, it doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

My husband is hot, muscular, funny and successful and hates dumb women. She could be smoking hot but if she was an idiot- hard pass.

I was smoking hot when we met, but also had a perfect credit score and a graduate degree in Molecular Biology.

It worked- our kids turned out incredibly smart, handsome and athletic.

Why would you want the chance of the gene pool working so the kids had her brains and your looks? You want all bases covered when procreating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Actual net income has had very little bearing on my ability to get dates with hot women. I make 170-190 but I have clothes that look good. I drive a sports car, bought used but girls don't realize its 8 years old. Kept muscle on the body I'm in the same shape I was when I was 30-35. ( 49 now). Helps that I have all my hair I color it when needed. I have 3 friends all about the same age that date very hot women that are all about 15 years younger. I didn't initially think i would date that age because many of these girls want kids, the sweet spot is the girls that have kids already

Yuck. Do you or the women you "date" care about anything substantive? And they are women, btw, not girls (assuming they are over 18).

You must be bad at math I'm almost 50 dates age range close to < 15 my age so 35-38 in most cases.. I havent dated anyone under 35. I went on dates with girls, sorry women that were near 43-50 when I first started dating only one was attractive. Men are more visual than women this is not news. Blah blah the 35 y/o I am dating now will get old this is true

NP. You must be either newly divorced or just insecure. Sounds like you’re trying too hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HOw do you shelter investements?

Pre-nup.
Cash.
Gold.
Bitcoin.
Family trust.
Family member holds your investments.
Family member holds your inheritance.
Safe deposit boxes.
Safe deposit boxes in other countries.
Etc.

For this to lead to any significant amount, you'd have to have been hiding assets for most of your marriage. If that's the case I hope you don't wonder why you're divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a long marriage, who the h@ll wants to date again? Maybe switch teams.

LOL I was thinking the same thing, but not even switching teams. Like, I’m done with people and want to be alone again!

That said, I wonder if dating is a bit easier when you’re older because the pressure’s off? For women in particular, at least when I was growing up, there was so much pressure to get married and have kids. Even if you said you weren’t interested in that, people assumed you secretly were or would change your mind. If you’re a divorced woman in your 40s+ now you are truly free from all that BS. You’ve done the marriage and possibly kids thing and are now able to really think about and explore what you and only you want. Seems like it would naturally breed confidence and excitement and I’m sure that attracts a lot of potential partners.

It does. No timeline pressure either. NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is hot, muscular, funny and successful and hates dumb women. She could be smoking hot but if she was an idiot- hard pass.

I was smoking hot when we met, but also had a perfect credit score and a graduate degree in Molecular Biology.

It worked- our kids turned out incredibly smart, handsome and athletic.

Why would you want the chance of the gene pool working so the kids had her brains and your looks? You want all bases covered when procreating.

I see you have the hubris base covered as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad here.

Had no idea how easy it would be to date and have regular sex on the 50 percent of the weeks where I don't have custody.

How are you meeting women? Your age or younger?

Online, but also everywhere from in line at a store (pre-covid) to a teacher at my kid's school.

It's easy to date women in their 20s and women my own age with kids of their own. Early 30s who are never married with no kids want nothing to do with me (and I don't blame them).

FWIW, I'm a black man, former college athlete and with a good job who has only dated black women.

Out of curiosity do consistently sleep with one woman? Or do you like to rotate several?