If you were married for a long time but got divorced how is dating life working out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just posted. I will elaborate.

I expected it to be really hard to find someone interested because I am older (early 40s) and have kids. The reality is I have had more men interested and more options than I did in my 20s. I think the app has a lot to do with this. It just opens up more numbers than possible even in the early days of match.com.

I also expected a never married younger man would not even look my way. I was dead wrong on that. I am seeing one of those men now exclusively.

I am single and don’t have kids, but frankly I found that when I reach my early 40s I had tons of dating opportunities. I could still date their mid to late 30s single guys but could also date the divorced 40 somethings. I don’t want to have my own kids, which I think appeals to a lot of divorced dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got divorced at 40 with young kids after a 20yrs marriage. My first relationship was more of a fwb type thing and in the end it didnt work out because one got feelings and the other was seeing others (it sucked). Now i've been with the same man for about 4years and it is wonderful. The difficult part is we both have kids and aren't ready to jump into a blended family thing.
One thing I learned is that the qualities i found attractive in my late teens are definitely not the same ones I want now. I know that sounds obvious but many of my 40s female friends who are dating hold on to those ideals and have no luck.

Guy - how do you negotiate that in terms of sustaining the relationship? How often do see each other ? Is one of you just commitment phobic ?

We see each other a few times a week, on our weekends with no kids and a few times on our kid weekends. We do stuff all together. Neither one of us is “commitment phobic” but we have kids who we don’t want to move out of their schools and are committed to that. I’m not going to say it is easy but we are committed to our children.

[Anonymous]

45 year old man, like someone else said, the odds are good but the goods are odd.

If you want to have sex all the time, with different women, and some of them young and attractive, it's fairly easy with the dating apps. it's just a numbers game. it also brings out a lot of headaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your personal circumstances.

For men who are in shape and have money, the world is their oyster. They can date 10+ years younger and there are plenty of options.

For men who let themselves go and/or weren’t that successful in life, it’s a much different world.

Women tend to fall somewhere in between.

This is true. I'm in my early 40s and divorced. I am above average looking and still in good shape. I used to be a serious athlete decades ago and have kept my body in decent shape. I also cycle 40 miles a week. But, the above is true, if you have money woman are drawn to you. I earn over $400,000 a year (net) and have two weekend just outside of DC. When people began finding out I was divorced I had many women contact me to "see how I was doing" or "to catch up"...the usual reasons to meet up. However, it was very clear to me my value to women. I hate to say this so bluntly, but yes money matters as does looks to a degree.

Since being divorced I've dated two women seriously. Both relationships lasted several months. I've also slept with three other woman. All whom were 5-12 years younger than me. All I would easily categorize as 8 and up on a 1-10 scale. I realize financial stability is very attractive to women, even if it's not obvious to me. Same for men who love take looks seriously (whether we realize it or not).

But, it's not all fun. Even if dating and sex are good, there's always the notion of not finding someone again. Being divorced is hard. The process itself is life draining. You never want to go through that again. So, the shield is always up.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

I'm not intimidated at all. I earn well, have excellent investments, but live pretty "poor" (rent a house, drive an old car, cook my own food, clean my own house) though I do take nice vacations. I'm planning to have $6 million when I retire, and I'm going to live it up then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

I'm not intimidated at all. I earn well, have excellent investments, but live pretty "poor" (rent a house, drive an old car, cook my own food, clean my own house) though I do take nice vacations. I'm planning to have $6 million when I retire, and I'm going to live it up then.

Yes, the fact that you use my post to brag about your personal financial situation (to a stranger) shows me you have insecurities there. I already have 11M (trust) but again tell me how you’d never feel inferior or resentful while you’re driving your old car and dreaming about your 6 million “someday” dollars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Female
Married 17, divorced 4
Dating has been....wild. insane. Fun. Freeing. Im in my early 40s, and I thought dating would be terrifying and difficult. Last time I was out there was pre-cell phones! In reality, it has been hilarious and fun. Some seriously crazy people out there, and there was a bit of a learning curve for me (for example, Netflix and chill does not mean binge watch a show and relax alone on your sofa). Met people I never would have otherwise come across in life. I've been having the best sex of my life.

The most surprising thing to me has been how difficult it is to find someone who just wants to date...more than a fling but also less than marriage. Many men will say they want this, but within a few months are talking about marriage. Sorry guys, I did that and had a good run. I will commit to whoever I'm in love with, but marriage is not in the cards again for me.

What does Netflix and chill mean, then? So curious.

it means you put on a show (Netflix or other streaming service), add some drinks/wine---->sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

I'm not intimidated at all. I earn well, have excellent investments, but live pretty "poor" (rent a house, drive an old car, cook my own food, clean my own house) though I do take nice vacations. I'm planning to have $6 million when I retire, and I'm going to live it up then.

Yes, the fact that you use my post to brag about your personal financial situation (to a stranger) shows me you have insecurities there. I already have 11M (trust) but again tell me how you’d never feel inferior or resentful while you’re driving your old car and dreaming about your 6 million “someday” dollars?

np here. I think you are reading too much into it.

[Anonymous]

Or I just don’t care about his personal situation. I’ve found that most men (who aren’t seeking sugar mamas- ones who are MC to UMC , your average striver) are intimidated by women who out lifestyle and out earn them.

Rich men can use their wealth to attract young woman and they date them in society without comment. I have to hide and downplay my wealth as a woman rather than flaunt what it buys me in relationship currency. If I go out with a man a decade or two younger I’m a rich cougar. I’m just saying I think wealth makes dating easier for men, and harder for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or I just don’t care about his personal situation. I’ve found that most men (who aren’t seeking sugar mamas- ones who are MC to UMC , your average striver) are intimidated by women who out lifestyle and out earn them.

Rich men can use their wealth to attract young woman and they date them in society without comment. I have to hide and downplay my wealth as a woman rather than flaunt what it buys me in relationship currency. If I go out with a man a decade or two younger I’m a rich cougar. I’m just saying I think wealth makes dating easier for men, and harder for women.

Yes to "wealth makes it easier for men" ... because women find that attractive in a man.
No to "wealth makes it harder for women" .... because if a woman is sex positive and not fat, all the rest is negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

I'm not intimidated at all. I earn well, have excellent investments, but live pretty "poor" (rent a house, drive an old car, cook my own food, clean my own house) though I do take nice vacations. I'm planning to have $6 million when I retire, and I'm going to live it up then.

Yes, the fact that you use my post to brag about your personal financial situation (to a stranger) shows me you have insecurities there. I already have 11M (trust) but again tell me how you’d never feel inferior or resentful while you’re driving your old car and dreaming about your 6 million “someday” dollars?

could be your attitude?

[Anonymous]

I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got divorced at 40 with young kids after a 20yrs marriage. My first relationship was more of a fwb type thing and in the end it didnt work out because one got feelings and the other was seeing others (it sucked). Now i've been with the same man for about 4years and it is wonderful. The difficult part is we both have kids and aren't ready to jump into a blended family thing.
One thing I learned is that the qualities i found attractive in my late teens are definitely not the same ones I want now. I know that sounds obvious but many of my 40s female friends who are dating hold on to those ideals and have no luck.

Guy - how do you negotiate that in terms of sustaining the relationship? How often do see each other ? Is one of you just commitment phobic ?

We see each other a few times a week, on our weekends with no kids and a few times on our kid weekends. We do stuff all together. Neither one of us is “commitment phobic” but we have kids who we don’t want to move out of their schools and are committed to that. I’m not going to say it is easy but we are committed to our children.

Sounds perfect. I wouldn’t marry. A long term relationship is enough.

[Anonymous]

Divorced dad here.

Had no idea how easy it would be to date and have regular sex on the 50 percent of the weeks where I don't have custody.