If you were married for a long time but got divorced how is dating life working out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or I just don’t care about his personal situation. I’ve found that most men (who aren’t seeking sugar mamas- ones who are MC to UMC , your average striver) are intimidated by women who out lifestyle and out earn them.

Rich men can use their wealth to attract young woman and they date them in society without comment. I have to hide and downplay my wealth as a woman rather than flaunt what it buys me in relationship currency. If I go out with a man a decade or two younger I’m a rich cougar. I’m just saying I think wealth makes dating easier for men, and harder for women.

Yes to "wealth makes it easier for men" ... because women find that attractive in a man.
No to "wealth makes it harder for women" .... because if a woman is sex positive and not fat, all the rest is negotiable.

Maybe. The male ego isn’t always negotiable, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman earning $400,000 and I find it makes dating harder, not easier. Lots of men get intimidated by women who out earn or out lifestyle them.

I'm not intimidated at all. I earn well, have excellent investments, but live pretty "poor" (rent a house, drive an old car, cook my own food, clean my own house) though I do take nice vacations. I'm planning to have $6 million when I retire, and I'm going to live it up then.

Yes, the fact that you use my post to brag about your personal financial situation (to a stranger) shows me you have insecurities there. I already have 11M (trust) but again tell me how you’d never feel inferior or resentful while you’re driving your old car and dreaming about your 6 million “someday” dollars?

Do you know what's a turn off? Practically every mid-50s women I date is driving a BMW. Those are about the worst car you can buy other than a Range Rover. If you want to show off, drive a Lexus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

It depends upon the quality of the legal representation, and the foolishness of the people getting divorced. A male friend, mid-50s, got the family house, and the kids live with him full-time. He has to pay some short-term alimony and child support but he's living about the same lifestyle he had before the divorce. He was smart enough to shelter a lot of his investments from a downside marriage. His ex lives is a much smaller rental home in a worse neighborhood and she's had to go back to work, quite a shock after 20 years sitting on the couch.

I am mid-50s, I rent a beautiful home (the ex rents a worse house), have the kids half-time, pay a tiny amount of child support (under $100 a month), and retained a surprisingly large net worth after the divorce. I'm in much better shape financially because I no longer have a free-spending female who won't contribute in my household. I also sheltered some of my investments from a bad marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

It depends upon the quality of the legal representation, and the foolishness of the people getting divorced. A male friend, mid-50s, got the family house, and the kids live with him full-time. He has to pay some short-term alimony and child support but he's living about the same lifestyle he had before the divorce. He was smart enough to shelter a lot of his investments from a downside marriage. His ex lives is a much smaller rental home in a worse neighborhood and she's had to go back to work, quite a shock after 20 years sitting on the couch.

I am mid-50s, I rent a beautiful home (the ex rents a worse house), have the kids half-time, pay a tiny amount of child support (under $100 a month), and retained a surprisingly large net worth after the divorce. I'm in much better shape financially because I no longer have a free-spending female who won't contribute in my household. I also sheltered some of my investments from a bad marriage.

This is so much more common than the posters on here dreaming that the women get everything.

Every single woman I know took a major hit to lifestyle. The ones that were stay at home moms the entire marriage came out the worst---especially the ones that were cheaters and discovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

This is just not true. Many men do not pay a lot of child support. In most cases at least in VA, the women who earns less are worse off after a divorce. It is usually 50/50 and a woman is not getting her house or bills paid for post-divorce. Your opinion sounds like divorce 20 years ago. Not now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

It depends upon the quality of the legal representation, and the foolishness of the people getting divorced. A male friend, mid-50s, got the family house, and the kids live with him full-time. He has to pay some short-term alimony and child support but he's living about the same lifestyle he had before the divorce. He was smart enough to shelter a lot of his investments from a downside marriage. His ex lives is a much smaller rental home in a worse neighborhood and she's had to go back to work, quite a shock after 20 years sitting on the couch.

I am mid-50s, I rent a beautiful home (the ex rents a worse house), have the kids half-time, pay a tiny amount of child support (under $100 a month), and retained a surprisingly large net worth after the divorce. I'm in much better shape financially because I no longer have a free-spending female who won't contribute in my household. I also sheltered some of my investments from a bad marriage.

Pretty sure my cheating STBX is doing this. I'm not sure my lawyers will be able to uncover it without me spending a significant amount on discovery, litigation, and/or a forensic accountant.

[Anonymous]

HOw do you shelter investements?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

It depends upon the quality of the legal representation, and the foolishness of the people getting divorced. A male friend, mid-50s, got the family house, and the kids live with him full-time. He has to pay some short-term alimony and child support but he's living about the same lifestyle he had before the divorce. He was smart enough to shelter a lot of his investments from a downside marriage. His ex lives is a much smaller rental home in a worse neighborhood and she's had to go back to work, quite a shock after 20 years sitting on the couch.

I am mid-50s, I rent a beautiful home (the ex rents a worse house), have the kids half-time, pay a tiny amount of child support (under $100 a month), and retained a surprisingly large net worth after the divorce. I'm in much better shape financially because I no longer have a free-spending female who won't contribute in my household. I also sheltered some of my investments from a bad marriage.

This is so much more common than the posters on here dreaming that the women get everything.

Every single woman I know took a major hit to lifestyle. The ones that were stay at home moms the entire marriage came out the worst---especially the ones that were cheaters and discovered.

Exactly. All the divorced men I know are just fine. All the women took a hit AND have the kids more than half the time while the guys live up the single carefree life.

Love my husband but I would never quit working for this exact reason. If he decides he's tired of me, I will be just fine (heartbroken etc, but financially a-ok) and will still maintain a pretty good lifestyle, including affording the payments on our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

It depends upon the quality of the legal representation, and the foolishness of the people getting divorced. A male friend, mid-50s, got the family house, and the kids live with him full-time. He has to pay some short-term alimony and child support but he's living about the same lifestyle he had before the divorce. He was smart enough to shelter a lot of his investments from a downside marriage. His ex lives is a much smaller rental home in a worse neighborhood and she's had to go back to work, quite a shock after 20 years sitting on the couch.

I am mid-50s, I rent a beautiful home (the ex rents a worse house), have the kids half-time, pay a tiny amount of child support (under $100 a month), and retained a surprisingly large net worth after the divorce. I'm in much better shape financially because I no longer have a free-spending female who won't contribute in my household. I also sheltered some of my investments from a bad marriage.

This is so much more common than the posters on here dreaming that the women get everything.

Every single woman I know took a major hit to lifestyle. The ones that were stay at home moms the entire marriage came out the worst---especially the ones that were cheaters and discovered.

Exactly. All the divorced men I know are just fine. All the women took a hit AND have the kids more than half the time while the guys live up the single carefree life.

Love my husband but I would never quit working for this exact reason. If he decides he's tired of me, I will be just fine (heartbroken etc, but financially a-ok) and will still maintain a pretty good lifestyle, including affording the payments on our house.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say, if there is someone out there who needs help with money, it is a divorced dad. They are paying a lot in child support. In all cases that I know personally, the ex-wife got the mostly-paid-for house (for good reason), and the dad is in an apartment. The divorce process itself was super expensive. If they turn down a great woman because they make an intimidating amount of money, well they're just foolish.

This is just not true. Many men do not pay a lot of child support. In most cases at least in VA, the women who earns less are worse off after a divorce. It is usually 50/50 and a woman is not getting her house or bills paid for post-divorce. Your opinion sounds like divorce 20 years ago. Not now.

Child support varies by state. In Maryland I was paying 70 percent of my after-tax in child support. In Virginia I'd be paying about 20 percent.

[Anonymous]

What is funny is that "getting the house" is a pyrrhic victory. Residential real estate is a lousy investment compared to Bitcoin or even the S&P 500.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HOw do you shelter investements?

Pre-nup.
Cash.
Gold.
Bitcoin.
Family trust.
Family member holds your investments.
Family member holds your inheritance.
Safe deposit boxes.
Safe deposit boxes in other countries.
Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is funny is that "getting the house" is a pyrrhic victory. Residential real estate is a lousy investment compared to Bitcoin or even the S&P 500.

A lot of women can’t afford the yearly real estate taxes and mortgage down the road. I know so many that had to sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your personal circumstances.

For men who are in shape and have money, the world is their oyster. They can date 10+ years younger and there are plenty of options.

For men who let themselves go and/or weren’t that successful in life, it’s a much different world.

Women tend to fall somewhere in between.

This is true. I'm in my early 40s and divorced. I am above average looking and still in good shape. I used to be a serious athlete decades ago and have kept my body in decent shape. I also cycle 40 miles a week. But, the above is true, if you have money woman are drawn to you. I earn over $400,000 a year (net) and have two weekend just outside of DC. When people began finding out I was divorced I had many women contact me to "see how I was doing" or "to catch up"...the usual reasons to meet up. However, it was very clear to me my value to women. I hate to say this so bluntly, but yes money matters as does looks to a degree.

Since being divorced I've dated two women seriously. Both relationships lasted several months. I've also slept with three other woman. All whom were 5-12 years younger than me. All I would easily categorize as 8 and up on a 1-10 scale. I realize financial stability is very attractive to women, even if it's not obvious to me. Same for men who love take looks seriously (whether we realize it or not).

But, it's not all fun. Even if dating and sex are good, there's always the notion of not finding someone again. Being divorced is hard. The process itself is life draining. You never want to go through that again. So, the shield is always up.

Yeah, if you’re early 40s and clear $400k, you’ll do great. You’re a 50-year-old Fed making $150k? Not so much. But men can’t understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad here.

Had no idea how easy it would be to date and have regular sex on the 50 percent of the weeks where I don't have custody.

How are you meeting women? Your age or younger?