If you were married for a long time but got divorced how is dating life working out

[Anonymous]

I am a PP. For people posting you make 400k, what on earth do you do? I followed my ex around and it really damaged my earnings/stalled my career. I know there are some obvious professions with this earning but I was surprised to read it more than once in this post. I'm curious. What do you do?

[Anonymous]

I got into the online dating scene as a late 40s woman. As many have posted, it was easier than expected to find dates and have plenty of sex. I met a bunch of interesting and attractive (to me) men, both older and younger. I never lacked attention and dates. I had a couple of guys I dated for a few months, a couple of relationships that lasted over a year, including a 2+ years relationship with another woman ( yes, I play both teams). The two people I had longer relationships with were people I loved and would’ve liked to have a forever relationship with, but things didn’t work out. Pairing up in middle age when there are set lives, obligations, homes, kids has proved challenging for me. Both of my exes are still hovering around, interested, but I think I may have reached the point a lot of older women reach where they’re done with making the compromises and sacrifices required to maintain a long-term relationship. After spending over 20 years putting others first, bending and compromising for husband and kids I’m not sure I’m willing to do that again. If I meet someone with whom the cost of a relationship is one that seems easy for me to pay it’ll be by serendipity because I’m definitely done with online dating.

[Anonymous]

Not divorced but my wife is ill and brought up what my life would be like if she was gone. We are early 60s and said I would have a great time but all these comments from women who talk about the endless # of men they meet makes me wary. I hate playing games. But woman I know generally have a hgher opinion of my attractiveness than I do of myself so maybe I worry too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your personal circumstances.

For men who are in shape and have money, the world is their oyster. They can date 10+ years younger and there are plenty of options.

For men who let themselves go and/or weren’t that successful in life, it’s a much different world.

Women tend to fall somewhere in between.

This is true. I'm in my early 40s and divorced. I am above average looking and still in good shape. I used to be a serious athlete decades ago and have kept my body in decent shape. I also cycle 40 miles a week. But, the above is true, if you have money woman are drawn to you. I earn over $400,000 a year (net) and have two weekend just outside of DC. When people began finding out I was divorced I had many women contact me to "see how I was doing" or "to catch up"...the usual reasons to meet up. However, it was very clear to me my value to women. I hate to say this so bluntly, but yes money matters as does looks to a degree.

Since being divorced I've dated two women seriously. Both relationships lasted several months. I've also slept with three other woman. All whom were 5-12 years younger than me. All I would easily categorize as 8 and up on a 1-10 scale. I realize financial stability is very attractive to women, even if it's not obvious to me. Same for men who love take looks seriously (whether we realize it or not).

But, it's not all fun. Even if dating and sex are good, there's always the notion of not finding someone again. Being divorced is hard. The process itself is life draining. You never want to go through that again. So, the shield is always up.

Yeah, if you’re early 40s and clear $400k, you’ll do great. You’re a 50-year-old Fed making $150k? Not so much. But men can’t understand that.

I realize that DCUM looks at every man/woman interaction as transactional, but this is depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got into the online dating scene as a late 40s woman. As many have posted, it was easier than expected to find dates and have plenty of sex. I met a bunch of interesting and attractive (to me) men, both older and younger. I never lacked attention and dates. I had a couple of guys I dated for a few months, a couple of relationships that lasted over a year, including a 2+ years relationship with another woman ( yes, I play both teams). The two people I had longer relationships with were people I loved and would’ve liked to have a forever relationship with, but things didn’t work out. Pairing up in middle age when there are set lives, obligations, homes, kids has proved challenging for me. Both of my exes are still hovering around, interested, but I think I may have reached the point a lot of older women reach where they’re done with making the compromises and sacrifices required to maintain a long-term relationship. After spending over 20 years putting others first, bending and compromising for husband and kids I’m not sure I’m willing to do that again. If I meet someone with whom the cost of a relationship is one that seems easy for me to pay it’ll be by serendipity because I’m definitely done with online dating.

Honey, anyone with female organs can find sex in a heartbeat. Nothing special to report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a PP. For people posting you make 400k, what on earth do you do? I followed my ex around and it really damaged my earnings/stalled my career. I know there are some obvious professions with this earning but I was surprised to read it more than once in this post. I'm curious. What do you do?

Don't you understand that DCUM is Lake Wobeggon - everybody is above average.

-- salaries generally $400K+
-- Ivy League schools
-- gorgeous or if described as average, still have an army of male admirers
-- drive high-end cars
-- children are straight A students

[Anonymous]

PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

That is excellent. Good for you! I actually figured it might be sales...but what? Pharmaceutical sales? Insurance? When people say “sales” I always wonder what they are selling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

That is excellent. Good for you! I actually figured it might be sales...but what? Pharmaceutical sales? Insurance? When people say “sales” I always wonder what they are selling.

These people have no hard skills; they are like car dealership people but they get paid 10x more to push products that firms don't need. In this area, it is gov't buying over and over-endless trough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your personal circumstances.

For men who are in shape and have money, the world is their oyster. They can date 10+ years younger and there are plenty of options.

For men who let themselves go and/or weren’t that successful in life, it’s a much different world.

Women tend to fall somewhere in between.

This is true. I'm in my early 40s and divorced. I am above average looking and still in good shape. I used to be a serious athlete decades ago and have kept my body in decent shape. I also cycle 40 miles a week. But, the above is true, if you have money woman are drawn to you. I earn over $400,000 a year (net) and have two weekend just outside of DC. When people began finding out I was divorced I had many women contact me to "see how I was doing" or "to catch up"...the usual reasons to meet up. However, it was very clear to me my value to women. I hate to say this so bluntly, but yes money matters as does looks to a degree.

Since being divorced I've dated two women seriously. Both relationships lasted several months. I've also slept with three other woman. All whom were 5-12 years younger than me. All I would easily categorize as 8 and up on a 1-10 scale. I realize financial stability is very attractive to women, even if it's not obvious to me. Same for men who love take looks seriously (whether we realize it or not).

But, it's not all fun. Even if dating and sex are good, there's always the notion of not finding someone again. Being divorced is hard. The process itself is life draining. You never want to go through that again. So, the shield is always up.

Yeah, if you’re early 40s and clear $400k, you’ll do great. You’re a 50-year-old Fed making $150k? Not so much. But men can’t understand that.

I realize that DCUM looks at every man/woman interaction as transactional, but this is depressing.

It’s also completely unrealistic. Most people on this earth don’t make $150K. Perspective; you’re on DCUM and don’t you forget it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a PP. For people posting you make 400k, what on earth do you do? I followed my ex around and it really damaged my earnings/stalled my career. I know there are some obvious professions with this earning but I was surprised to read it more than once in this post. I'm curious. What do you do?

Don't you understand that DCUM is Lake Wobeggon - everybody is above average.

-- salaries generally $400K+
-- Ivy League schools
-- gorgeous or if described as average, still have an army of male admirers
-- drive high-end cars
-- children are straight A students

Hey! I’m a DCUMer that has qualified and received public assistance before. We are out here. I’ll never forget my journey or be ashamed of it either.

[Anonymous]

Although technically, under 45’s train wreck, nearly everyone in the country have now received some form of public assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

That is excellent. Good for you! I actually figured it might be sales...but what? Pharmaceutical sales? Insurance? When people say “sales” I always wonder what they are selling.

I sell money. Which is ironic given the PPs comment that we sell useless things. I’m sure the “hard skill” work they do is much more cerebral and rewarding- but I really enjoy the 30 hour workweeks and high income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

That is excellent. Good for you! I actually figured it might be sales...but what? Pharmaceutical sales? Insurance? When people say “sales” I always wonder what they are selling.

I sell money. Which is ironic given the PPs comment that we sell useless things. I’m sure the “hard skill” work they do is much more cerebral and rewarding- but I really enjoy the 30 hour workweeks and high income.

Wait. You clean dirty dollars? Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I’m in sales.
I was home with my kids for years and a trailing spouse, too. I got very lucky to step into such a high earning career after many years out of the game. I was lucky that I had good relationships from my previous career and was able to jump back into the game as a proven performer.

That is excellent. Good for you! I actually figured it might be sales...but what? Pharmaceutical sales? Insurance? When people say “sales” I always wonder what they are selling.

I sell money. Which is ironic given the PPs comment that we sell useless things. I’m sure the “hard skill” work they do is much more cerebral and rewarding- but I really enjoy the 30 hour workweeks and high income.

Wait. You clean dirty dollars? Sigh.

No. Commercial ABL.