How To Find A SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are going to have to go on a lot of dates and bring this up in person. No one is going to say on a message board that they want to dump their career, but plenty of people do if they will have a better lifestyle for doing so. These are not going to be doctors or lawyers. Think people with titles like Marketing Coordinator.

To get these dates, you will need to be attractive enough for a woman to agree to match with your profile. You will need to be clever/charming/whatever enough to have her agree to a date.

+1

Tons of women out there like this. Look for burnt out teachers, esp.

If OP is really so rich and even decently attractive, I don’t see what the hold up is.

The issueis the prenup. For most non desperate women Op is saying give up everything for me, andI'm likely going to leave you on a whim, or you'll get so sick of my BS you'll want to leave me, and if we split I want to make sure you et nothing, despite your sacrifice to stay home with the kids that's saving thousands of dollars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

You want her to give up any chance of getting back into the job market at her current level with no assurances that she’ll be taken care of when you dump her? Wow!

OP here. I said I’m open to a woman who wants to put her career on hold to raise kids and then go back to work once they are school aged.

The prenup will be for my businesses and my assets. Any money that we make after we are married will be considered “our” money and she is entitled to. She is welcome to handle the finances as well. She will have full access to all accounts that is ours and can spends as she pleases.

As long as she does what you want her to.

But what about her wants? Marriage and relationships require give and take and you seem to want things to be your way 100%

[Anonymous]

What was you uprbringing OP? Did you have a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm what you claim you're looking for. I'm 32, my job isn't a big/high powered one, and if I were to have kids I would want to stay with them.

Why I wouldn't marry you? Your specification that you would handle the finances seems to be designed to keep me in the dark about them. Your placement of your business over a marriage/kids is as much of a dealbreaker for me as a woman who wants to work is for you. The idea that I need to potentially give up on 20+ years of not just salary but experience and I'm "thanked" by it with the assumption that I'm trying to take something from you?

If anyone is the "taker" in this situation, it seems to be you. Your salary is the only thing you have to offer, and you want your spouse to give up so much just for the "privilege" of sharing your salary until you get bored with them.

In the words of Liz Lemon: that's a dealbreaker, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Of course. Think about what you are asking. You want someone to give up her career entirely, and with it the means of providing for herself for decades. And at the same time, you want her to sign away any rights to assets she could use to support herself.

Thinking about it in terms that you may understand better, you are asking someone to give up a career. You need to compensate her for that.

It’s this. OP, you’re going to have a hard time finding any normal woman to sign up for this sort of arrangement. It simply doesn’t offer much security. I mean would YOU agree to what you’re offering?

You sound incredibly focused on money and your business. Perhaps love and marriage isn’t a good idea for you? Why do you need to get married and have a family? You can just focus on your business and not worry about the chance to a woman taking your money. Problem solved!!

This. If I were the woman in this situation I would WANT the prenup because I would want to negotiate specifics of support and assets in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm what you claim you're looking for. I'm 32, my job isn't a big/high powered one, and if I were to have kids I would want to stay with them.

Why I wouldn't marry you? Your specification that you would handle the finances seems to be designed to keep me in the dark about them. Your placement of your business over a marriage/kids is as much of a dealbreaker for me as a woman who wants to work is for you. The idea that I need to potentially give up on 20+ years of not just salary but experience and I'm "thanked" by it with the assumption that I'm trying to take something from you?

If anyone is the "taker" in this situation, it seems to be you. Your salary is the only thing you have to offer, and you want your spouse to give up so much just for the "privilege" of sharing your salary until you get bored with them.

In the words of Liz Lemon: that's a dealbreaker, ladies.

Exactly. OP seems very self-centered. A selfish man is not a good partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you don't want a "servant" but the only responsibilities you want to have are to sire children, go to work, and manage the finances. Gee, I wonder why women aren't falling all over themselves for you?

+1 Nothing wrong with a SAHP but OP is looking to start a family with the explicit expectation that he will not participate in parenting. Even if I wanted to SAH I would avoid him for that reason.

+1

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t think you even need a prenup, OP, because according to DCUM, no SAHMs gets alimony anymore EVER

[Anonymous]

I assume you want someone who is smart? Here’s my advice. Find a mid-level associate at a large firm who wants to have kids right away and isn’t a total workaholic must make partner type. Once she has the baby and stays home for 6 months to a year she won’t want to go back if you hire a house cleaner and a part time sitter so she can get some me time. That would be a sweet deal that I would totally have taken. She’ll realize she likes staying home in yoga pants and wasn’t going to make partner anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:mail order bride from a 3rd world country?

But be careful, I've known a few men who have done this, and the women all left the men as soon as they got their green cards. Buyer beware.

OP here. I’m looking for a traditional relationship with my love. I just want to know if there are certain sites that cater to this that are not sugar baby sites or anything like a mail order bride.

I would look for a romantic. Someone who wanted to get married young. Say that upfront. Talk about tons of babies. If they are career oriented they will pushback. I wanted this in my early twenties and after a couple of heartbreaks, I went full force on career mode. I’m happily married and a sahm. It’s not an age thing. I’m 35. My husband was clear he would pay for cleaning. I’m happy. At the time felt not many men wanted this. But it’s just not en Vogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume you want someone who is smart? Here’s my advice. Find a mid-level associate at a large firm who wants to have kids right away and isn’t a total workaholic must make partner type. Once she has the baby and stays home for 6 months to a year she won’t want to go back if you hire a house cleaner and a part time sitter so she can get some me time. That would be a sweet deal that I would totally have taken. She’ll realize she likes staying home in yoga pants and wasn’t going to make partner anyway.

Yesss. I’m pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

OP, my husband and I have this set up. He is a law firm partner and I am a SAHM. I had our first at 37 after getting a PhD and having a career. My best friend is similar, the wife of a partner who formerly had a political job. We are both in happy marriages. For me (and a believe for my friend), I don’t mind taking on this role. I had almost two decades to work and now I am enjoying having little at home. We are not religious or conservative. Just regular, well educated suburban liberals.

Just out of curiosity, PP... do you also have a prenup and does your husband control the finances?

No. We don’t. I wouldn’t sign one and my DH would never ask. I am also pretty certain that we will not get divorced. It would be out of character for both of us since we are both low conflict people who communicate well and genuinely like each other.

I handle most of the day-to-day finances, but we make big decisions together. Being a SAHM was never a goal or plan of mine. My kids are still young (the youngest is 2), so I don’t know what I will do long term, but I won’t go back full time to an inflexible job. DH cannot pick up the slack at home because he is always working and I won’t handle everything at home by myself and also juggle a work schedule. DH is fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you cut back OP? You are apparently a super-wealthy owner of several busines, why can't you cut back a bit so your kids aren't with nannies all day? It's the modern millennial millionaire way to parent and partner.

[Anonymous]

You are going to need to make a lot of money for this.

[Anonymous]

Russian-speaking women are your audience. Not all of them but a much higher chance there. Sorry if someone already suggested it.