At what age would you let your children's boyfriends/girlfriends to sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies.

Just wanted to get various points of view.

Sleepover it is

Just make sure their rooms are bit away or have good sound proofing.

We let our 19 year old DD and her boyfriend in the same room. They had no concept of how loud they were and we can hear everything. Pretty traumatic for our 16 year old DD and us. We all had to head down to basement in the middle of the night. Worst and most embarrassing night ever.

No concept, yeah right. BF knew exactly what he was doing.

[Anonymous]

if they have been dating for a while (at least 1 yr), then yes.

[Anonymous]

Once they are 18, they have our blessing and encouragement to actually be intimate at home. Not in some car in a parking lot or shady places. So much safer. They feel respected.

They do have needs just like everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior year of HS I had been dating a girl for about a year. Her parents let me sleep over (in the basement guest room) a few times when it was snowing so I didn't have to drive in the dark and snow.

I won't even mention what we got up to.

My daughter will not be having sleepovers.

I curious. You did this. Right?
And presumably you both enjoyed it and no one got hurt?
But you definitely don’t want to let your daughter do it. Because why?
Why was it ok for you to do it but not your daughter?

Because I ejaculated in her- sans protection- probably 100 times. We were idiotic, impulse driven, consequence blind 17 year olds. It's only dumb luck that I didn't get her pregnant.

DP. Prior to that did your parents ever talk to you about sex, condoms, relationships, the physiology of pregnancy, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once they are 18, they have our blessing and encouragement to actually be intimate at home. Not in some car in a parking lot or shady places. So much safer. They feel respected.

They do have needs just like everyone.

Fascinatingly stupid rationale for your pathetic weakness of character.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think adults living in your home should have generous, predictible time to entertain (doing whatever ... you don't need to let your mind go there) knowing everyone is out of the house and aren't coming back until xx hour. Sleeping-over is too obvious, asking more than many people are comfortable with - obvious why it's being done. I wouldn't allow that.

[Anonymous]

Once they are 18, they have our blessing and encouragement to actually be intimate at home. Not in some car in a parking lot or shady places. So much safer. They feel respected.

They do have needs just like everyone.


Fascinatingly stupid rationale for your pathetic weakness of character.

+1. Shaking my head.

I know that my kids sleep with their SOs at school, etc., because we talk about it. They know their SOs will not share their rooms in our house, respect our rules. They can live for a few nights without sharing a bed. Our rules might change when our kids are financially independent and/or we don’t have younger teens at home, but I am not at all interested in running down to the basement in the middle of the night with my younger kids because my older kids are too loud.

[Anonymous]

^ The choice isn't between sex in a parking lot or at my home. Get real. Remaining abstinent for a night or a few nights while they are sleeping across the hall from their parents is really not a big ask. I guarantee my kids aren't looking to do it in parking lots because they can't have sex at home for a few days. Seriously, I can't believe some of the "parents" on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies.

Just wanted to get various points of view.

Sleepover it is

Just make sure their rooms are bit away or have good sound proofing.

We let our 19 year old DD and her boyfriend in the same room. They had no concept of how loud they were and we can hear everything. Pretty traumatic for our 16 year old DD and us. We all had to head down to basement in the middle of the night. Worst and most embarrassing night ever.

No concept, yeah right. BF knew exactly what he was doing.

Yeah. Gross. We would have told them to be quiet and not do that in our house unless married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My senior year of HS I had been dating a girl for about a year. Her parents let me sleep over (in the basement guest room) a few times when it was snowing so I didn't have to drive in the dark and snow.

I won't even mention what we got up to.

My daughter will not be having sleepovers.

I curious. You did this. Right?
And presumably you both enjoyed it and no one got hurt?
But you definitely don’t want to let your daughter do it. Because why?
Why was it ok for you to do it but not your daughter?

Because I ejaculated in her- sans protection- probably 100 times. We were idiotic, impulse driven, consequence blind 17 year olds. It's only dumb luck that I didn't get her pregnant.

DP. Prior to that did your parents ever talk to you about sex, condoms, relationships, the physiology of pregnancy, etc?

Many parents don’t parent or do the birds/bees talk. Most do, but many don’t. Too oblivious, busy, don’t care, or assume kid already knows.
My husbands parents never had The Talk, but they had aspergers so it prob never crossed their neuroatypical minds unless a note went out from the school. And even the. They’d rarely talk about anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think this problem would solve itself simply by the child feeling too embarrassed to even consider the idea. I know I would've felt weird about it even at age 21. Feels like a total invasion of my parents' place and I wouldn't want my parents to be even thinking about us having sex. I would be mortified.

+1. It never occurred to me to even suggest that any of my girlfriends slept over at my parents' house (or me at her parents') until I was well into my 20s and in very long-term relationships where there was just never even a question about it. I would have been mortified to even suggest it with my HS girlfriends. But then again, I never lived at home full time after I left for college at 18, so maybe there was just never a need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies.

Just wanted to get various points of view.

Sleepover it is

Just make sure their rooms are bit away or have good sound proofing.

We let our 19 year old DD and her boyfriend in the same room. They had no concept of how loud they were and we can hear everything. Pretty traumatic for our 16 year old DD and us. We all had to head down to basement in the middle of the night. Worst and most embarrassing night ever.

So trashy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ The choice isn't between sex in a parking lot or at my home. Get real. Remaining abstinent for a night or a few nights while they are sleeping across the hall from their parents is really not a big ask. I guarantee my kids aren't looking to do it in parking lots because they can't have sex at home for a few days. Seriously, I can't believe some of the "parents" on here.

they're still having sex in your home. They are just trying to be discreet. If I were you I'd hope the discreetness doesn't include skipping condoms because they don't want you finding evidence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies.

Just wanted to get various points of view.

Sleepover it is

Just make sure their rooms are bit away or have good sound proofing.

We let our 19 year old DD and her boyfriend in the same room. They had no concept of how loud they were and we can hear everything. Pretty traumatic for our 16 year old DD and us. We all had to head down to basement in the middle of the night. Worst and most embarrassing night ever.

No offense, PP, but I think this shows how much control you've given up as a parent. I don't really care about your decision to let the dude sleep over, but the idea of them being loud and you and your other kids huddling up in the hallway and jointly slinking off to the basement? No, thank you. It's not a leaky roof in a storm, it's something you can put a stop to. Why not bang on the wall and say, "hey, keep it down there!"? If the guy is still in the picture, he now thinks he can get away with anything with you (because they definitely know you could hear them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ The choice isn't between sex in a parking lot or at my home. Get real. Remaining abstinent for a night or a few nights while they are sleeping across the hall from their parents is really not a big ask. I guarantee my kids aren't looking to do it in parking lots because they can't have sex at home for a few days. Seriously, I can't believe some of the "parents" on here.

they're still having sex in your home. They are just trying to be discreet. If I were you I'd hope the discreetness doesn't include skipping condoms because they don't want you finding evidence

Not necessarily. Some kids, unlike yours, have the decency and self-control to respect their parents wishes.