At what age would you let your children's boyfriends/girlfriends to sleep over?

[Anonymous]

DD wants us to let her boyfriend come and stay over in the same room for a few days. She is 21 and her college is in DL. A couple of her friends are doing the same thing it seems.

Is this fairly common?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t love it, but 21 seems reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Well I was 30, pregnant, and unmarried and my dad still wouldn't let us sleep in the same room, lol.

At 21 I'd let them sleep together. They're doing it anyways.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are in our 30s with two kids and still have bunk beds at the family cabin LOL

[Anonymous]

Are you really going to base your decision on how common it is?

It's your house, your rules.

[Anonymous]

That was not allowed in my parents' household at that age but for whatever it's worth, I was finding plenty of other ways to have sex with my boyfriend while we were home from college regardless.

Have you had sex and relationship talks with her ever? I think being detailed and realistic during a conversation like that has more impact than whether the boyfriend sleeps over or not.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Tough one. My DD is 21 also, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I think I'd offer separate rooms--regardless of what they'd be doing at college, I just think it would be awkward to normalize it under my own roof while I'm at home.

[Anonymous]

College age. Give him his own room for his stuff and quiet time, if you want, but he'll be with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. Tough one. My DD is 21 also, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I think I'd offer separate rooms--regardless of what they'd be doing at college, I just think it would be awkward to normalize it under my own roof while I'm at home.

I think I do this, but I'm a big fan of looking the other way when they stay up late together. You're not explicitly endorsing anything, but your not trying to actively treat a 21 year old like a child either

[Anonymous]

I think it comes down to how committed they are to each other.

My son has been dating his girlfriend for 2 years and when they came home from college due to COVID. I let them stay in the same room.

They are 20.

If he came home and was like I just met X and we have been dating for a month, nah.

[Anonymous]

That’d be a “nope” from me.

[Anonymous]

No. Are you kidding?

[Anonymous]

I'd let him come stay and put him in another room. And then LOOK THE OTHER WAY when they are sneaking around.

[Anonymous]

I provided a separate bed for my DS's girlfriend (both 21) but did not keep an eye on whether or not it was used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it comes down to how committed they are to each other.

My son has been dating his girlfriend for 2 years and when they came home from college due to COVID. I let them stay in the same room.

They are 20.

If he came home and was like I just met X and we have been dating for a month, nah.

Yeah, I think this where I'd fall too.

At some point when they're adults, you should acknowledge that they're adults in serious relationships. Don't be like my dad who wanted separate rooms for me and DH (then my boyfriend) when we were close to 30 and living together.