I wish my WOHM friends would stop judging my SAHM parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It works both ways. SAHM’s constantly criticize WOHM’s for not raising their children. If you are so confident in your decision, just ignore the comments.

And here we go again.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. This area is particularly annoying because there’s a substantial number of working who do not feel complete unless they are putting down SAHPs. It comes from a place of insecurity and a massive victim complex. They don’t know how not to be on the attack.

Or it comes from SAH parents making supposedly innocent comments like, "oh my gosh, I don't know how you do it! I could never bear to leave my small children, they are my everything!"

If I hear this sort of comment, I will absolutely go for the jugular. With a smile.

Why does this bother you any more than, "How can you stand being a lawyer? I could never read that much boring stuff?" I am not a SAHM and haven't said this, but why can't it just be their experience/preference and nothing more?

DP. Can you really not tell the difference from your example? That's something.

No I really can't, because I take it as about the other person and who they are, and neither one would bother me.

Another DP.

Your example would be better illustrated with “how can you stand to be a SAH mom? I can’t imagine losing my identity like that.” It’s the equivalent kind of dig at the other person’s values.

Yes, the equivalent question isn't the lawyer question, it would be something like "How can you stand to be subservient to your husband like that? I could never be such a doormat in my marriage, I value partnership in marriage too much!"

Both are incredibly rude. The lawyer question is rude too, but nowhere near this level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It works both ways. SAHM’s constantly criticize WOHM’s for not raising their children. If you are so confident in your decision, just ignore the comments.

And here we go again.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. This area is particularly annoying because there’s a substantial number of working who do not feel complete unless they are putting down SAHPs. It comes from a place of insecurity and a massive victim complex. They don’t know how not to be on the attack.

Or it comes from SAH parents making supposedly innocent comments like, "oh my gosh, I don't know how you do it! I could never bear to leave my small children, they are my everything!"

If I hear this sort of comment, I will absolutely go for the jugular. With a smile.

Why does this bother you any more than, "How can you stand being a lawyer? I could never read that much boring stuff?" I am not a SAHM and haven't said this, but why can't it just be their experience/preference and nothing more?

DP. Can you really not tell the difference from your example? That's something.

No I really can't, because I take it as about the other person and who they are, and neither one would bother me.

Another DP.

Your example would be better illustrated with “how can you stand to be a SAH mom? I can’t imagine losing my identity like that.” It’s the equivalent kind of dig at the other person’s values.

Yes, the equivalent question isn't the lawyer question, it would be something like "How can you stand to be subservient to your husband like that? I could never be such a doormat in my marriage, I value partnership in marriage too much!"

Both are incredibly rude. The lawyer question is rude too, but nowhere near this level.

The thing is, if I'm confident of my values and that I'm doing the best for my family with all my other "inputs," so to speak, it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks. Inputs being my personality, likes/dislikes, strengths/weaknesses, earning power, spouse and his characteristics, number of kids, their needs and personalities, etc., etc. I might not want to be friends with them if I think they are rude, but if I think they are rude that's even less reason to care what they think about my choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It works both ways. SAHM’s constantly criticize WOHM’s for not raising their children. If you are so confident in your decision, just ignore the comments.

And here we go again.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. This area is particularly annoying because there’s a substantial number of working who do not feel complete unless they are putting down SAHPs. It comes from a place of insecurity and a massive victim complex. They don’t know how not to be on the attack.

Or it comes from SAH parents making supposedly innocent comments like, "oh my gosh, I don't know how you do it! I could never bear to leave my small children, they are my everything!"

If I hear this sort of comment, I will absolutely go for the jugular. With a smile.

Why does this bother you any more than, "How can you stand being a lawyer? I could never read that much boring stuff?" I am not a SAHM and haven't said this, but why can't it just be their experience/preference and nothing more?

DP. Can you really not tell the difference from your example? That's something.

No I really can't, because I take it as about the other person and who they are, and neither one would bother me.

Another DP.

Your example would be better illustrated with “how can you stand to be a SAH mom? I can’t imagine losing my identity like that.” It’s the equivalent kind of dig at the other person’s values.

Yes, the equivalent question isn't the lawyer question, it would be something like "How can you stand to be subservient to your husband like that? I could never be such a doormat in my marriage, I value partnership in marriage too much!"

Both are incredibly rude. The lawyer question is rude too, but nowhere near this level.

The thing is, if I'm confident of my values and that I'm doing the best for my family with all my other "inputs," so to speak, it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks. Inputs being my personality, likes/dislikes, strengths/weaknesses, earning power, spouse and his characteristics, number of kids, their needs and personalities, etc., etc. I might not want to be friends with them if I think they are rude, but if I think they are rude that's even less reason to care what they think about my choices.

The issue is that OP is bothered by comments like this, although what she is reporting seems a lot more innocuous than these example comments. As for the general question of why it bothers people, because they are human and have bad days, and rudeness makes bad days a lot worse. People aren't robots, you know.

I don't see why anyone would need to make a comment like these examples anyhow. It's terrible behavior. Kindness goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

I know some SAHMs that are very lazy and some working moms that are lazy. So it doesn’t have anything to do with occupation. It’s character

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is jealous of a SAHM.

why are you even here?

[Anonymous]

SAHM = unemployed.

[Anonymous]

Wohm are incapable to take care of their kids on the weekends and evenings. They are nothing but incompetent shrews. Their own kids will cut them off soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(I'm not saying this is you) My SAHM friends get really caught up in the little things and talk about it a lot. One talks about cosleeping and how it's ruining her life. She talks about it weekly when I see her. Another has major issues with potty training and trained for like a year- for both her kids! I think this is more of a personality difference, but I'm really a take charge type of person. With potty training I 100% believed they could get it before 2 and told them this is what's going to happen, and it did. I potty trained my nephews too in a weekend. With cosleeping I walked them back constantly until they didn't leave their beds. Oh and daycare did not help me with any of that.

I just think sahms get really caught up in the minutiae of babies/toddlers versus seeing things as very solvable problems.

Wow. Condescending much?

Kind of a b****ch

[Anonymous]

Ahh the meanness comes out! OP you can’t really be friends with the nannies. That’s a throw away line. Dismissive. However in the short time I was with the nannies I learned a lot. They seldom hurry. They are more relaxed. If it takes all day fine. That made me relax and slow down. You will find friends — it just takes awhile. If someone is consistently unkind : goodbye. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Well... a couple early childhood education classes wouldn’t hurt, OP. None of us are made experts by giving birth. Granted most nannies don’t have degrees in ECE either and few daycare workers do either but the educated caregiver does seem to be achieving happier and more engaged kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM in a circle of SAHMs - except for one nanny. We all went to this nanny for advice when our firsts were toddlers. I never had a problem accepting or rejecting advice from anyone but I did always listen to the nanny.

I think you’re being overly sensitive, OP. Daycare teachers and nannies generally have decades of experience with little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well... a couple early childhood education classes wouldn’t hurt, OP. None of us are made experts by giving birth. Granted most nannies don’t have degrees in ECE either and few daycare workers do either but the educated caregiver does seem to be achieving happier and more engaged kids.

Yet, OP's friends are putting down OP's skills and comparing her to their nannies. Highly insulting, no? It is like saying... I can't do this, but you are doing it worse than my kids' nanny, so you suck, I am better than you cause I can pay for help for what I can't do. Pretty immature, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... a couple early childhood education classes wouldn’t hurt, OP. None of us are made experts by giving birth. Granted most nannies don’t have degrees in ECE either and few daycare workers do either but the educated caregiver does seem to be achieving happier and more engaged kids.

Yet, OP's friends are putting down OP's skills and comparing her to their nannies. Highly insulting, no? It is like saying... I can't do this, but you are doing it worse than my kids' nanny, so you suck, I am better than you cause I can pay for help for what I can't do. Pretty immature, no?

No, I didn’t take it that way. Experienced and educated nannies do have years of experience doing this! There is no getting around that! It’s like a mother on her tenth kid - she knows a few things!

The whole “better than you” if real is obviously awful but my take is that OP is overly sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wohm are incapable to take care of their kids on the weekends and evenings. They are nothing but incompetent shrews. Their own kids will cut them off soon enough.

Do you promise? *looks at 4 year old and waits to be cut off*

Nope... still over here demanding attention. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wohm are incapable to take care of their kids on the weekends and evenings. They are nothing but incompetent shrews. Their own kids will cut them off soon enough.

Do you promise? *looks at 4 year old and waits to be cut off*

Nope... still over here demanding attention. Sigh.

Yep. I promise. But, before that, in HS they will accuse you of never being there for them.