Husbands family entitlement

[Anonymous]

I would maybe offer whatever $ I felt comfortable giving. But I would not be thrilled with the race reference either as that should not be the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry for all the typos. I was on my phone and very tired when I wrote this post. I was mad and my husband wasn’t. I had to turn somewhere. Usually just kind of lurk on here and never really post or comment on threads. I’m a little embarrassed but the events in which it happened are true. I should have left out the racial remarks, but I still feel strongly asking people you barely know to fund a weeks expenses is crazy. It would be at least a couple of thousand dollars. They do have less money than us ( not sure about the cousins as we have never met them) but they are not poor. They all work with decent jobs.

We have helped my BIL and SIL but that is different. They didn’t have the extra money. We do have extra money but we are not well off. I still don’t think it’s our responsibility to pay for this.

Regardless of who makes more money..that is not the issue. Adults should not be asking other adults for money. Avoid these leeches. They are users. The good thing is if you don’t fund them and they know they can’t get $ from you ever then they will go no contact. Which is bliss!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of y'all are shady af. If OP didn't say she was white and inlaw was Hispanic, y'all would absolutely be telling her she has no obligation pay for them, WHICH SHE DOESN'T.

I understand OP. My family is South Asian and when there are certain major expenses back home, we get phone calls for help with expenses. I'm talking from second, third cousins, not just main family members. Sometimes we help, sometimes we don't. It's MY money and if I wanted to give $0, within my right too.

+1

If OP had not mentioned race (which was an unnecessary detail) the responses would be totally different.

OP, your response is totally correct, btw.

Disagree. Race puts things in perspective. Different cultures have different ideas and boundaries about money. Some cultures have a lot of groupthink and enmeshment. (What is yours is mine mentality). Other cultures do not discuss money and it would be taboo to come begging for it. There is a difference behavior between socioeconomic class also.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what having mixed family has to do with your situation, or why it matters that your sil is Hispanic. Texting inlaws for money is not normal behaviour, including for Hispanics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what having mixed family has to do with your situation, or why it matters that your sil is Hispanic. Texting inlaws for money is not normal behaviour, including for Hispanics.

(pressed send too soon)

It's NOT a cultural thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it is a cultural thing. Shows you have been accepted.
It is not unusual to ask family members, it is how their society has managed for centuries

OP is not their family though.

Yes she is
American interpretation is that she is not. In other cultures she is and the distinction is not so blatant

OP is American. So they are NOT family. And even if they were they should not be asking for money. Leeches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of y’all don’t have poor extended family members and it shows. It is ridiculous to expect OP to fund this. These type of family members think we’re all rolling around in our cash every night and the requests never stop once you help. If someone in your family dies and they can’t afford to bury them, yep, help pay. Flying in laws over seas and such? Pssshh no.

This!

[Anonymous]

"They won't have it" and...so?

If they bother you, block their numbers, don't respond to their emails, and stop communicating with them. Who cares if they "won't have it"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should at least offer to just pay for your sister-in-law, and only her. This way you don’t come across as insensitive.

OP said she was willing to help her BIL and SIL out, but not seven randos she has never met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should at least offer to just pay for your sister-in-law, and only her. This way you don’t come across as insensitive.

OP said she was willing to help her BIL and SIL out, but not seven randos she has never met.

Right? The audacity at these people smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of y'all are shady af. If OP didn't say she was white and inlaw was Hispanic, y'all would absolutely be telling her she has no obligation pay for them, WHICH SHE DOESN'T.

I understand OP. My family is South Asian and when there are certain major expenses back home, we get phone calls for help with expenses. I'm talking from second, third cousins, not just main family members. Sometimes we help, sometimes we don't. It's MY money and if I wanted to give $0, within my right too.

+1

If OP had not mentioned race (which was an unnecessary detail) the responses would be totally different.

OP, your response is totally correct, btw.

Disagree. Race puts things in perspective. Different cultures have different ideas and boundaries about money. Some cultures have a lot of groupthink and enmeshment. (What is yours is mine mentality). Other cultures do not discuss money and it would be taboo to come begging for it. There is a difference behavior between socioeconomic class also.

New poster and I agree with this. Reminds me of Asuelu on 90 Day Fiancé. You’re on point about enmeshment. Very unhealthy and bizarre. It’s worse when you’re from such a culture and also we’re raised poor like I have. My mom used to call me for money and it only stopped when I no longer picked up her calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they make a lot more money than you, and why do they think you have more money than them, and what does race have to do with any of this

There are financial expectations/assumptions of family, even extended, in certain cultures.

God I am glad I was not raised in such a culture. So much entitlement and enmeshment. Gross!

This is absolutely true. Some cultures have absolutely no problem asking other people for money.

I remember when I worked in a restaurant in college, one of the dishwashers (can’t remember exactly where, but he was from one of the islands - Jamaica or such) came out and asked me for money to buy his daughter a computer. Needless to say, I was in college, this was my only job, and I didn’t have much cash, so I was astounded that he asked. I said no. Apparently, in his culture, it’s ok to ask other people for money. Even if you hardly know them.

This happens at my work constantly, like at least twice monthly. "Larla's brother's girlfriend's grandma in X country died and everyone needs to put in $50. Do you have it now, or should I come back tomorrow?" I say not to come back at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be like "we can afford four one-way tickets or two round trip tickets."

I think it's weird that people don't plan for deaths. Last weekend I was talking to my dad about how his sister and her husband (my aunt and uncle) are almost 80 and I've set aside $2k for flight and hotel for when they die. He was like "maybe they'll die during quarantine and then you'll just have to do a zoom funeral and it'll save you money."

A lot of people can’t afford things like college or vacations. You think every family should have a funeral travel fund? There are plenty of people who can’t even afford a funeral, much less travel. Nearly 70% of Americans have less than $1000 saved.

Agree. But then the consequence is taking student loans, not attending funeral, etc.

DP. So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they make a lot more money than you, and why do they think you have more money than them, and what does race have to do with any of this

There are financial expectations/assumptions of family, even extended, in certain cultures.

God I am glad I was not raised in such a culture. So much entitlement and enmeshment. Gross!

This is absolutely true. Some cultures have absolutely no problem asking other people for money.

I remember when I worked in a restaurant in college, one of the dishwashers (can’t remember exactly where, but he was from one of the islands - Jamaica or such) came out and asked me for money to buy his daughter a computer. Needless to say, I was in college, this was my only job, and I didn’t have much cash, so I was astounded that he asked. I said no. Apparently, in his culture, it’s ok to ask other people for money. Even if you hardly know them.

This happens at my work constantly, like at least twice monthly. "Larla's brother's girlfriend's grandma in X country died and everyone needs to put in $50. Do you have it now, or should I come back tomorrow?" I say not to come back at all.

Good for you. How insane. I am a charitable person and often donate on GoFundMe but rudely asking me to bankroll a trip cause of my race- not gonna work for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'd be flattered they asked and help if I could. I have given/loaned to friends in need (of colour) who joke about 'you are white- I know you have it' and they aren't wrong so I help out. You get that white people often don't have the same disadvantages, right?

To that end can I set up a go fund me and have you send me some cash?

Do I know you? If so, I'd rather have you ask me personally.