Husbands family entitlement

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry for all the typos. I was on my phone and very tired when I wrote this post. I was mad and my husband wasn’t. I had to turn somewhere. Usually just kind of lurk on here and never really post or comment on threads. I’m a little embarrassed but the events in which it happened are true. I should have left out the racial remarks, but I still feel strongly asking people you barely know to fund a weeks expenses is crazy. It would be at least a couple of thousand dollars. They do have less money than us ( not sure about the cousins as we have never met them) but they are not poor. They all work with decent jobs.

We have helped my BIL and SIL but that is different. They didn’t have the extra money. We do have extra money but we are not well off. I still don’t think it’s our responsibility to pay for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of y'all are shady af. If OP didn't say she was white and inlaw was Hispanic, y'all would absolutely be telling her she has no obligation pay for them, WHICH SHE DOESN'T.

I understand OP. My family is South Asian and when there are certain major expenses back home, we get phone calls for help with expenses. I'm talking from second, third cousins, not just main family members. Sometimes we help, sometimes we don't. It's MY money and if I wanted to give $0, within my right too.

+1

If OP had not mentioned race (which was an unnecessary detail) the responses would be totally different.

OP, your response is totally correct, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be like "we can afford four one-way tickets or two round trip tickets."

I think it's weird that people don't plan for deaths. Last weekend I was talking to my dad about how his sister and her husband (my aunt and uncle) are almost 80 and I've set aside $2k for flight and hotel for when they die. He was like "maybe they'll die during quarantine and then you'll just have to do a zoom funeral and it'll save you money."

A lot of people can’t afford things like college or vacations. You think every family should have a funeral travel fund? There are plenty of people who can’t even afford a funeral, much less travel. Nearly 70% of Americans have less than $1000 saved.

Agree. But then the consequence is taking student loans, not attending funeral, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money was this? Was this money for parents to attend the funeral of their child, or money for grandma’s sister to attend the funeral if a nephew’s wife?

OP here. I’m not sure hit at least a couple thousand dollars. It’s for her mom, father, two brothers, and like 5 cousins to go.

OP here. It’s her my husbands wife’s grandmother.

? Aren’t YOU your husband’s wife?

You misread. It's "HER my husband's wife's grandmother."

Pretty sure this means her she my aunt's sister's daughter died.

[Anonymous]

This is beyond rude. These people arent your family. They are leeches. This is beyond cultural.

[Anonymous]

WTF? Yeah I wouldnt be giving out cash to anyone who made a racial sentiment about me! No gracias!

[Anonymous]

The people who are acting like this is "hispanic culture" are being rude and insulting and patronizing. Trust me, hispanic people (latinos, whatever you want to say) know exactly how to act. My best friend is latino and would never dream of doing this. This is something else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be like "we can afford four one-way tickets or two round trip tickets."

I think it's weird that people don't plan for deaths. Last weekend I was talking to my dad about how his sister and her husband (my aunt and uncle) are almost 80 and I've set aside $2k for flight and hotel for when they die. He was like "maybe they'll die during quarantine and then you'll just have to do a zoom funeral and it'll save you money."

No, THAT is weird. It's not weird to have emergency funds and tap into them when someone dies, but to have a designated fund for old people funerals is something I have never heard of.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I'd be flattered they asked and help if I could. I have given/loaned to friends in need (of colour) who joke about 'you are white- I know you have it' and they aren't wrong so I help out. You get that white people often don't have the same disadvantages, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'd be flattered they asked and help if I could. I have given/loaned to friends in need (of colour) who joke about 'you are white- I know you have it' and they aren't wrong so I help out. You get that white people often don't have the same disadvantages, right?

To that end can I set up a go fund me and have you send me some cash?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is beyond rude. These people arent your family. They are leeches. This is beyond cultural.

+1. This is crazy!

OP shouldn't have to explain/justify their reasons.

OP, ask yourself if things were reversed, what would your BIL and his wife think if you asked them to do the same?

[Anonymous]

You should at least offer to just pay for your sister-in-law, and only her. This way you don’t come across as insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should at least offer to just pay for your sister-in-law, and only her. This way you don’t come across as insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should at least offer to just pay for your sister-in-law, and only her. This way you don’t come across as insensitive.

How about you offer, PP? Post your venmo and the OP of this thread can pass it along to her SIL instead. It's only fair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it is a cultural thing. Shows you have been accepted.
It is not unusual to ask family members, it is how their society has managed for centuries

OP is not their family though.

Yes she is
American interpretation is that she is not. In other cultures she is and the distinction is not so blatant