Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Is she taking medication, OP? My wife put on 40 pounds from an SSRI. As soon as she stopped taking it, the weight started falling off. 8 months later she’s lost almost all of it without a ton of effort. Not only did it affect her metabolism, it affected her appetite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I would tell her how you feel. Tell her that her extra weight is bothering you and ask what you can do to help her get healthier.

Basically you are no longer compatible, so get a divorce if this is soooo important to you that's all you can do and both of you will probably be happier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As wife op that describes, here's what op needs to do for wife to change:

OP does grocery shopping and/or plans all the meals
OP does the cooking
OP hire a housekeeper or take over a big portion of the cleaning
OP ask wife what she needs help with to make her life less stressful so she doesn't turn to sweets to relax
OP earn more money so wife doesn't have to work full time and take care of kids/house full time

No OP get a divorce much more respectful, he wants what he wants and she deserves better!

[Anonymous]

I would come at this from a totally different angle - obesity is putting her at risk for lots of health issues. I would either go the indirect route and schedule a full physical for yourself, tell her any interesting results (“hey my vitamin D is low, I had no idea, maybe you should go get a physical and bloodwork also!”) or the more direct route: tell her you are scared about her health and that she might not see her kids graduate or get married or meet her grandchildren. Make sure it comes from a place of love and support, but pointing out that she is upping her chances of early death would scare me straight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably the same mirrors you have at home work for your wife, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to/for you.

OP here. I was never the worlds most attractive guy, but I’m basically the same I was when we got married. About 10 lbs heavier maybe half muscle half fat. Far stronger and fitter now.

Did you grow 2 or more babies in your womb for 9 months each, push them out of your vagina, and breastfeed them for a few months? Did you suffer any traumatic (emotionally or physically) injuries from that?

Do you help with the cooking, cleaning, child rearing (without her asking you), schedule doctor and orthodontist appointments, do the laundry, make your bed, plan birthday parties, sign permission slips, buy birthday presents, and carry half the mental load for the family?

I sympathize with your situation and wish your DW all the luck in her health/exercise journey but you sound like a jerk.

Oh here we go! The I had a baby now I can be a fatty excuse. I had a baby and was back to my size 6 six months later. No excuses, no explanations. I bet if they get divorced and she goes on back on the market she’ll lose weight.

Size 6 isn’t that great. Don’t strain a muscle patting yourself on the back.

That depends on height and age.

My size 6 pants from the nineties fit like size zeros bought more recently. Even a bit more unforgiving, since they have no stretch.

If I came of age in the last ten years, at my height a size six is a little chubby.

If a woman is tall and in shape, a size six can be just fabulous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

May not be pregnancy related, but often it's kid related.

Does she have time to work out? Actual time, not "after the kids go to bed" or "she can wake up an hour earlier". Pitch in with the kids more and take over morning/evening routines so she can get a workout in.

Who cooks? Take over half of the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not just 3 dinners a week) and make healthy food.

The wine is a coping mechanism for something. What's she stressed about?

OP here. I do more than half the cooking and she works less than me. I make the time to workout. She doesn’t and refuses.

Lazy is lazy bro. She’s addicted to food and booze. Just like an alcoholic you can’t tell a fat person not to eat. Their rational brain can’t control their addiction to food

Science is showing that much of this is genetic and hormonal. So don’t be so quick to judge.

Can you try focusing on what you DO love about her? Hopefully that was not driven largely by her dress size. Don’t let you penis dictate your future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

May not be pregnancy related, but often it's kid related.

Does she have time to work out? Actual time, not "after the kids go to bed" or "she can wake up an hour earlier". Pitch in with the kids more and take over morning/evening routines so she can get a workout in.

Who cooks? Take over half of the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not just 3 dinners a week) and make healthy food.

The wine is a coping mechanism for something. What's she stressed about?

OP here. I do more than half the cooking and she works less than me. I make the time to workout. She doesn’t and refuses.

Lazy is lazy bro. She’s addicted to food and booze. Just like an alcoholic you can’t tell a fat person not to eat. Their rational brain can’t control their addiction to food

Science is showing that much of this is genetic and hormonal. So don’t be so quick to judge.

Can you try focusing on what you DO love about her? Hopefully that was not driven largely by her dress size. Don’t let you penis dictate your future!

What about my statement suggested that any of it is not genetic? Could be 100% or 0% genetic for all we know, doesn't change the facts.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if my DH wrote this. In my case, I’ve gained the weight from being in a very unhappy and lonely marriage and a DH who verbally berates and criticizes me. He’s an ass. So yeah, I eat for comfort at this point.

[Anonymous]

Do you tell her you love her? Do you make her feel wanted? If these things aren't possible, then divorce her, because it's likely you're making her feel worse about herself because you're not showing love. Believe me, she knows she's fat, and she would much rather not be. But stress and depression and feeling unwanted likely are the causes. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if my DH wrote this. In my case, I’ve gained the weight from being in a very unhappy and lonely marriage and a DH who verbally berates and criticizes me. He’s an ass. So yeah, I eat for comfort at this point.

It must be unfortunate to let others have so much power over you that you destroy your own body over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if my DH wrote this. In my case, I’ve gained the weight from being in a very unhappy and lonely marriage and a DH who verbally berates and criticizes me. He’s an ass. So yeah, I eat for comfort at this point.

Me too. He knows I love this board, so very possible. I've replied a couple of times on here, maybe he'll take the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope she divorces you and finds some man who likes a little more cushion for the pushin

only low class guys like extra

Pierce Brosnan likes extra

Oh yes and he’s the ONLY one! Name another? I’ll wait.. ..

Stedman likes extra.

I thought he and Oprah were both gay and closeted.

[Anonymous]

Nobody has discussed a real possibility: OP's wife is sick of all the criticism and has found a man on the side who likes her the way she is, extra 40 pounds and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would come at this from a totally different angle - obesity is putting her at risk for lots of health issues. I would either go the indirect route and schedule a full physical for yourself, tell her any interesting results (“hey my vitamin D is low, I had no idea, maybe you should go get a physical and bloodwork also!”) or the more direct route: tell her you are scared about her health and that she might not see her kids graduate or get married or meet her grandchildren. Make sure it comes from a place of love and support, but pointing out that she is upping her chances of early death would scare me straight!

Being overweight does bring more risks of Covid complications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

May not be pregnancy related, but often it's kid related.

Does she have time to work out? Actual time, not "after the kids go to bed" or "she can wake up an hour earlier". Pitch in with the kids more and take over morning/evening routines so she can get a workout in.

Who cooks? Take over half of the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not just 3 dinners a week) and make healthy food.

The wine is a coping mechanism for something. What's she stressed about?

OP here. I do more than half the cooking and she works less than me. I make the time to workout. She doesn’t and refuses.

Lazy is lazy bro. She’s addicted to food and booze. Just like an alcoholic you can’t tell a fat person not to eat. Their rational brain can’t control their addiction to food

Science is showing that much of this is genetic and hormonal. So don’t be so quick to judge.

Can you try focusing on what you DO love about her? Hopefully that was not driven largely by her dress size. Don’t let you penis dictate your future!

So does the same science say it was not genetic and hormonal prior to 1990 in the US? Obesity was rare in the 1950's, 1960's, 1970's and 1980's etc and certainly in the 1920's, 1930's, and 1940's. It is really interesting to look
at crowd shots from earlier times.