If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Similar. My libido is down. I love my husband. He is attractive. I just have no sex drive anymore.
One issue is he tends to make his moves when I am in the middle of chores. It’s not a good time to try and turn me on - not what I have loads of dishes surrounding me, or when I’m in the middle of scrubbing a bathroom.

Yep. It must be the jiggle of my ass that turns him on, but somehow he thinks that when I'm scrubbing the floor I'll welcome his dick in my ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage was great. Great sex 4-5 times a week was a big part. 4 wonderful kids. We are now in our early 50s and dh got prostate cancer. It has been treated, but he doesn’t ever want to have sex. It is a big deal. I don’t think I can go on like this. He says he just doesn’t feel like it. Yes, he has seen many doctors. No solution, but to leave.

As a woman, I think this is horrible. H poo w can you l wave s someone that y o u h ave 4 kids with and has had prostrate cancer? I would say this to a man who would do this to his wife as well.

The kids are out of the house or I would not leave. DH was treated for cancer, but is cancer free now according to his drs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Similar. My libido is down. I love my husband. He is attractive. I just have no sex drive anymore.
One issue is he tends to make his moves when I am in the middle of chores. It’s not a good time to try and turn me on - not what I have loads of dishes surrounding me, or when I’m in the middle of scrubbing a bathroom.

Feeling like an all-star husband here with ZERO expectation that she ever "wants it" so thanks for the affirmation ladies.
Twice per week sex schedule keeps the marriage going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Yes, exactly. So having sex is not enough, I have to show enthusiasm and interest that I don’t feel? Because of him?

And don't forget that it's not only interest, you have to have the right frequency and not say no to any sex acts that he may want. It's like men will say we are willing to work on this (go to marriage counselor etc.) but really no compromise is right for them. You start to hear complaints no matter how the wife is willing to compromise. There have been threads where a husband will complain that scheduled sex isn't good because there's no spontaneity/wife doesn't seem excited. It's like negative reinforcement. At some point, wives will just have no reason to work on this if the outcome is always negative as per the husband. Maybe men just want to leave their marriage and this becomes their reason to do so (or at least it can appear that way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Similar. My libido is down. I love my husband. He is attractive. I just have no sex drive anymore.
One issue is he tends to make his moves when I am in the middle of chores. It’s not a good time to try and turn me on - not what I have loads of dishes surrounding me, or when I’m in the middle of scrubbing a bathroom.

Yep. It must be the jiggle of my ass that turns him on, but somehow he thinks that when I'm scrubbing the floor I'll welcome his dick in my ass.

Just admit that you would never initiate sex even if he completely observed all your “not a good time” criteria, because you prefer not having sex with him. If he wants to ever have sex again with a woman who wants to jump on his bones, it will be with someone other than you. Very sad but true.

[Anonymous]

My sex drive isn't really high but my husband is really good about making me feel wanted in a very nice way. He never climbs into bed and says "let's do it" because he knows that doesn't work. He's always pretty affectionate and once or twice a week he'll say something about getting together later but only say it when I'm not in mom/worker crisis mode. In other words his timing is usually very good. I always end up really enjoying and it definitely is a very important part of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how a lot of post-menopausal women feel. I love my husband, and sex is no longer a need or a want for me, no matter how much I enjoyed and was enthusiastic about it for most of our marriage (30+ years). It means a lot to him, so we have sex...but this idea he can’t really enjoy it unless I really want it too confounds me. My body and libido are what they are.

Yes, exactly. So having sex is not enough, I have to show enthusiasm and interest that I don’t feel? Because of him?

And don't forget that it's not only interest, you have to have the right frequency and not say no to any sex acts that he may want. It's like men will say we are willing to work on this (go to marriage counselor etc.) but really no compromise is right for them. You start to hear complaints no matter how the wife is willing to compromise. There have been threads where a husband will complain that scheduled sex isn't good because there's no spontaneity/wife doesn't seem excited. It's like negative reinforcement. At some point, wives will just have no reason to work on this if the outcome is always negative as per the husband. Maybe men just want to leave their marriage and this becomes their reason to do so (or at least it can appear that way).

Yepppp, it’s a bunch of excuses for men to either get divorced or cheat honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know men hate to hear it but sex for much of most women's lives is mental. If she is not 'feeling' you she won't be 'feeling' you.
LIke others above, if i let my DH kiss me, snuggle with me etc I know I am about to get groped and expected to have sex because it gets him horny feeling me. Yes, that is nice to hear, but sometimes I want to just snuggle with my husband or hold his hand without him gearing up for an hour of sex.
That brings me to another point. The length of time. My DH could get done in about 45 seconds but insists on this long drawn out sex act each time. I explain to lets keep it light or how about a quickly but he just wants it all. The touching every inch of my body, the licking me, etc etc. If he could occasionally just do it and be done we would do it a lot more.
Initiating. I do. Almost all of the time because i know when I am up for an hour of sex and when I am not. We do it on average 1x per week, sometimes more. But honestly, other than that I have nothing to give. Times where i go through the mostions and he doesn't feel I am 100% in it becomes a huge fight. Its not all the time i feel this way, but sometimes and I do get into it, just not crazy. But THAT is not good enough for him. So i only initiate when i can give it my all.

See a pattern?? Nothing is ever good enough for DH and sex. THey either want it more, want it more passionate, want it longer. Its like just do it and be done. NO college guy is out there licking his girlfriend who is going crazy for an hour more than 1x per week. Just not happening so why DH thinks as a 45 year old man he should no idea.

Also, my mood for it depends on how his mood is toward me. Weeks where i am stressed and he steps up without me begging him to, i am MUCH MUCH more likely to get it on with him. I hate having to 'mother' him to do things adults should just do (dishes, laundry, vacuum, play with the kids, help with homework). He has never asked my help or reminded me to do one damn thing around the house and it all gets done. I hate having to remind him of things HE should be doing and know about. That is my biggest turn off ever and suspect a lot of men are turning off their hot wives because they force their wives to micromanage them and treat them like children.

I usually hear women complaining that there's not enough foreplay, men orgasm too fast, etc. This is the opposite of what I would expect to hear.

[Anonymous]

My DH is the one with the low sex drive, ED issues and Low T. His insecurities are killing it for me. Its been months. And I am certain he isn't getting it anywhere else.married 9 years. And for all the husbands complaining that your wives have lost interest, lets be honest, they just don't want sex with you. Every divorced woman I know who was in a low sex marriage, went crazy and had a ton of sex once she split up. Women hate monogamy more than men,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the one with the low sex drive, ED issues and Low T. His insecurities are killing it for me. Its been months. And I am certain he isn't getting it anywhere else.married 9 years. And for all the husbands complaining that your wives have lost interest, lets be honest, they just don't want sex with you. Every divorced woman I know who was in a low sex marriage, went crazy and had a ton of sex once she split up. Women hate monogamy more than men,

Yes I know that my wife rejects me, while lusting after son’s soccer coach. Because women get bored. Why do you think I coach softball? Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know men hate to hear it but sex for much of most women's lives is mental. If she is not 'feeling' you she won't be 'feeling' you.
LIke others above, if i let my DH kiss me, snuggle with me etc I know I am about to get groped and expected to have sex because it gets him horny feeling me. Yes, that is nice to hear, but sometimes I want to just snuggle with my husband or hold his hand without him gearing up for an hour of sex.
That brings me to another point. The length of time. My DH could get done in about 45 seconds but insists on this long drawn out sex act each time. I explain to lets keep it light or how about a quickly but he just wants it all. The touching every inch of my body, the licking me, etc etc. If he could occasionally just do it and be done we would do it a lot more.
Initiating. I do. Almost all of the time because i know when I am up for an hour of sex and when I am not. We do it on average 1x per week, sometimes more. But honestly, other than that I have nothing to give. Times where i go through the mostions and he doesn't feel I am 100% in it becomes a huge fight. Its not all the time i feel this way, but sometimes and I do get into it, just not crazy. But THAT is not good enough for him. So i only initiate when i can give it my all.

See a pattern?? Nothing is ever good enough for DH and sex. THey either want it more, want it more passionate, want it longer. Its like just do it and be done. NO college guy is out there licking his girlfriend who is going crazy for an hour more than 1x per week. Just not happening so why DH thinks as a 45 year old man he should no idea.

Also, my mood for it depends on how his mood is toward me. Weeks where i am stressed and he steps up without me begging him to, i am MUCH MUCH more likely to get it on with him. I hate having to 'mother' him to do things adults should just do (dishes, laundry, vacuum, play with the kids, help with homework). He has never asked my help or reminded me to do one damn thing around the house and it all gets done. I hate having to remind him of things HE should be doing and know about. That is my biggest turn off ever and suspect a lot of men are turning off their hot wives because they force their wives to micromanage them and treat them like children.

I usually hear women complaining that there's not enough foreplay, men orgasm too fast, etc. This is the opposite of what I would expect to hear.

Do we want BAM quickie every time? no. But do want drawn out hours of sex every time? No.

[Anonymous]

I’m a wife and my husband has no sex drive. At all. I’m deeply unhappy but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the one with the low sex drive, ED issues and Low T. His insecurities are killing it for me. Its been months. And I am certain he isn't getting it anywhere else.married 9 years. And for all the husbands complaining that your wives have lost interest, lets be honest, they just don't want sex with you. Every divorced woman I know who was in a low sex marriage, went crazy and had a ton of sex once she split up. Women hate monogamy more than men,

I don't think women hate monogamy more. It's just that men have a continuous desire and their wives are their approved outlet. Women can go without better than men. But given the choice between their wife and strange, men will choose strange.

But no disagreement, monogamy after a decade or two is usually the end of sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage was great. Great sex 4-5 times a week was a big part. 4 wonderful kids. We are now in our early 50s and dh got prostate cancer. It has been treated, but he doesn’t ever want to have sex. It is a big deal. I don’t think I can go on like this. He says he just doesn’t feel like it. Yes, he has seen many doctors. No solution, but to leave.

Similar story over here and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to leave, but it makes me desperately sad to think of my sex life being over at age 47.

I'd be glad to be an attentive AP to either of you ladies.

If I could guarantee that it wouldn’t affect my marriage then I’d take you up on that. The thought of being desired is intoxicating.

But I can’t guarantee that so I can’t.

I hope you find someone to have good sexytimes with.

[Anonymous]

Its interesting, on one hand since we have given up on sex the relationship has less tension and we seem to be better friends. On the other, I do get resentful at times this s is my situation at age 43. She is done with sex and made it known. I suppose th nice part of being friends now is I can see us also divorcing and being very civil. She doesn't want to divorce though