So overwhelmed by parenting + working FT from home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree 1000 percent that this is not sustainable. Something’s gotta give and I think for me it is my job. Going to explore going part time for a bit. Not sure I can; but also don’t see how my kids needs are met if I don’t. I’m the primary parent and that just is not going to change.

I'm so glad to see this and know I'm not alone. I work full-time and am the primary breadwinner AND primary parent. I feel sick to my stomach every time I'm stuck on a call instead of working with DC. I'm going to talk to my supervisor this afternoon to see about any wiggle room in my schedule. I'd even take LWOP at this point, but I need to be released from my work obligations, at least in part.

+1, nothing but sympathy over here.
I am the primary earner and DHs job is likely to be HEAVILY affected by this going forward. He’s offered to stop taking a salary (which makes total sense in the situation and is the right thing to do) which makes mine even more critical. I am fully WFH, thank goodness, and my bosses and coworkers have been very understanding about my very weird schedule right now. I am definitely having trouble hitting hours. But I’m still trying to work FT AND suddenly homeschool two ES kids who are on vastly different pages education-wise (age spread). DH is not book smart at all, not patient, and is zero help with schoolwork. Zero. I was already exhausted and burned out. Now I am trying to be all things to all people (nothing new) but it’s all at the same time, all day every day, and then DH asks me what’s for lunch and wonders why I roll my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP don't quit, as suggested. Don't worry about schooling your oldest. It doesn't matter. DH was on a call today when a guy had his toddler run in. He said "gotta go" and left the call. Just do that if you need to. Ask for forgiveness later. If you and DH can schedule calls at different times you can cover each other. It's not ideal but someone can work 6-2 while the other works 2-9.

This. This happened to me yesterday. I was on a call that went 30 mins over and counting and I had 20 mins to get the kids settled before my next call. I told my colleague I have to go to if the call continues to settle the kids before my next call. I said it like that. I figure it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel everyone in this thread. I am in big law and there is a lot of pressure for everything to be "business as usual" and my husband is in consulting. We have three kids -- 5, 2, and 10 months. We have an au pair, but she can't handle all three on her own (she normally just has the 10 month old and the 2 year old half days). It is a disaster with help I can't even imagine having no help. I love my kids so much, but have never ever had a time in life where I wish I was single and childless!

With all due respect, there’s no reason the au pair can’t handle all three while you work. SAHMs do this every day. She should be able to manage while you work, that’s her job! You aren’t demanding too much. Hang in there.

She's a freaking au pair, not a SAHM! God. An au pair is a teenager. Young adult at most. What is wrong with you? A big law employee is working 10-12 hour days. Plus a spouse in consulting. That's not au pair-level child care.

[Anonymous]

OP, Hang in there! It's hard but quitting will create many other challenges. With this economic downturn, it may be a while before you find omething else.

Can you and DH take turns working? Can both of you start at 5:00 am in the morning and put in some hours before the kids wake up? Then alternate thorughout the day?

Put the kids infront of a TV screen for several hours while you get stuff done.

Try to do less at work too. It's hard when much is expectd of you, but with the chaos, work may not even realise your productivity is 30% less than normal.

[Anonymous]

Kids will survive if they don't learn for a few months. Your mental health might not if you try to do too much. Of all the things to to "give up" on, that would be my first. We are talking about 2 months of schooling in a world where most kids get 12+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel everyone in this thread. I am in big law and there is a lot of pressure for everything to be "business as usual" and my husband is in consulting. We have three kids -- 5, 2, and 10 months. We have an au pair, but she can't handle all three on her own (she normally just has the 10 month old and the 2 year old half days). It is a disaster with help I can't even imagine having no help. I love my kids so much, but have never ever had a time in life where I wish I was single and childless!

With all due respect, there’s no reason the au pair can’t handle all three while you work. SAHMs do this every day. She should be able to manage while you work, that’s her job! You aren’t demanding too much. Hang in there.

She's a freaking au pair, not a SAHM! God. An au pair is a teenager. Young adult at most. What is wrong with you? A big law employee is working 10-12 hour days. Plus a spouse in consulting. That's not au pair-level child care.

She is an employee, and many au pairs deal with three kids routinely.

[Anonymous]

I am a public school teacher at Alice Deal Middle School. I feel your pain. I have to do all of the chores that you all do daily, put up with so many of your insane requests and helicopter parents, micromanage you’re bratty kids’ temper tantrums, and put up with a boss in Diedre Neal, who is a racist dictator.

All teachers deserve a raise.

You’re Welcome.

[Anonymous]

This is so hard, OP. You are not alone. And major props to everyone who has it harder than I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a public school teacher at Alice Deal Middle School. I feel your pain. I have to do all of the chores that you all do daily, put up with so many of your insane requests and helicopter parents, micromanage you’re bratty kids’ temper tantrums, and put up with a boss in Diedre Neal, who is a racist dictator.

All teachers deserve a raise.

You’re Welcome.

Go back to the public school forum where you can bask in the adoration of all the parents who think teachers have it so hard. The rest of us who are actually still having to put in 8-10 hours work days with no change in job responsibilities but adding in childcare will continue to try to support each other and commiserate here without your sanctimony and such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel everyone in this thread. I am in big law and there is a lot of pressure for everything to be "business as usual" and my husband is in consulting. We have three kids -- 5, 2, and 10 months. We have an au pair, but she can't handle all three on her own (she normally just has the 10 month old and the 2 year old half days). It is a disaster with help I can't even imagine having no help. I love my kids so much, but have never ever had a time in life where I wish I was single and childless!

With all due respect, there’s no reason the au pair can’t handle all three while you work. SAHMs do this every day. She should be able to manage while you work, that’s her job! You aren’t demanding too much. Hang in there.

She's a freaking au pair, not a SAHM! God. An au pair is a teenager. Young adult at most. What is wrong with you? A big law employee is working 10-12 hour days. Plus a spouse in consulting. That's not au pair-level child care.

She is an employee, and many au pairs deal with three kids routinely.

NP but you’re kind of ridiculous. Her au pair clearly did not sign up for this and this is sudden so that is irrelevant. She’s gone from probably having 2-3 hours of quiet time during nap to zero. She also can just leave and go home at anytime if she wants, this isn’t indentured servitude despite what many may think, and many au pairs may not want to be here under these circumstances ruining all travel plans / social distancing. These are also young kids that don’t understand why mommy and daddy are at home but can’t play with them, are out of their normal routine and may be extra whiny/emotional/difficult. I have this same problem, OP, my very young kids cry every time they see me. Sure I could just let them all be, but I feel horribly guilty if I do, in part because it’s exhausting and not what the au pair signed up for, and also because they are babies! people need to be a little bit understanding in this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel everyone in this thread. I am in big law and there is a lot of pressure for everything to be "business as usual" and my husband is in consulting. We have three kids -- 5, 2, and 10 months. We have an au pair, but she can't handle all three on her own (she normally just has the 10 month old and the 2 year old half days). It is a disaster with help I can't even imagine having no help. I love my kids so much, but have never ever had a time in life where I wish I was single and childless!

With all due respect, there’s no reason the au pair can’t handle all three while you work. SAHMs do this every day. She should be able to manage while you work, that’s her job! You aren’t demanding too much. Hang in there.

She's a freaking au pair, not a SAHM! God. An au pair is a teenager. Young adult at most. What is wrong with you? A big law employee is working 10-12 hour days. Plus a spouse in consulting. That's not au pair-level child care.

She is an employee, and many au pairs deal with three kids routinely.

NP but you’re kind of ridiculous. Her au pair clearly did not sign up for this and this is sudden so that is irrelevant. She’s gone from probably having 2-3 hours of quiet time during nap to zero. She also can just leave and go home at anytime if she wants, this isn’t indentured servitude despite what many may think, and many au pairs may not want to be here under these circumstances ruining all travel plans / social distancing. These are also young kids that don’t understand why mommy and daddy are at home but can’t play with them, are out of their normal routine and may be extra whiny/emotional/difficult. I have this same problem, OP, my very young kids cry every time they see me. Sure I could just let them all be, but I feel horribly guilty if I do, in part because it’s exhausting and not what the au pair signed up for, and also because they are babies! people need to be a little bit understanding in this time.

Anyone using an an pair is now getting what they paid for. Au pairs are younger girls who typically don’t have the life experiences or even childcare experience to effectively manage three kids during a crisis. Sure there may be exceptions but most of us can probably think back to when we were 22 and know we weren’t mature enough.

The only reason most people use an au pair is because it’s cheap. Now many parents are dealing with the consequences of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a public school teacher at Alice Deal Middle School. I feel your pain. I have to do all of the chores that you all do daily, put up with so many of your insane requests and helicopter parents, micromanage you’re bratty kids’ temper tantrums, and put up with a boss in Diedre Neal, who is a racist dictator.

All teachers deserve a raise.

You’re Welcome.

My kid isn't even school-aged, but this is ridiculous. If this is true, this is coming from a teacher at DCPS's flagship middle school where people pay at least a million for a dollhouse to send their kid there?

Teachers deserve a raise for sure, but your post and attitude suck. Enjoy getting paid your usual for a lot less work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP don't quit, as suggested. Don't worry about schooling your oldest. It doesn't matter. DH was on a call today when a guy had his toddler run in. He said "gotta go" and left the call. Just do that if you need to. Ask for forgiveness later. If you and DH can schedule calls at different times you can cover each other. It's not ideal but someone can work 6-2 while the other works 2-9.

This. This happened to me yesterday. I was on a call that went 30 mins over and counting and I had 20 mins to get the kids settled before my next call. I told my colleague I have to go to if the call continues to settle the kids before my next call. I said it like that. I figure it is what it is.

^THIS. We are living in unprecedented times where we are all doing the best we can. OP, ask for what you need. Full stop. If you need to ask to reschedule certain calls to make your life easier or to build some slack in your day, you should totally do so (the worst they can say is no). We're all in this together, and we're figuring it out as we go. Let's give everyone (including ourselves) a little grace while we figure out our new rules of the road. Do what's right for you and just be up front with what you need and what can do when. We'll get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel everyone in this thread. I am in big law and there is a lot of pressure for everything to be "business as usual" and my husband is in consulting. We have three kids -- 5, 2, and 10 months. We have an au pair, but she can't handle all three on her own (she normally just has the 10 month old and the 2 year old half days). It is a disaster with help I can't even imagine having no help. I love my kids so much, but have never ever had a time in life where I wish I was single and childless!

With all due respect, there’s no reason the au pair can’t handle all three while you work. SAHMs do this every day. She should be able to manage while you work, that’s her job! You aren’t demanding too much. Hang in there.

She's a freaking au pair, not a SAHM! God. An au pair is a teenager. Young adult at most. What is wrong with you? A big law employee is working 10-12 hour days. Plus a spouse in consulting. That's not au pair-level child care.

She is an employee, and many au pairs deal with three kids routinely.

NP but you’re kind of ridiculous. Her au pair clearly did not sign up for this and this is sudden so that is irrelevant. She’s gone from probably having 2-3 hours of quiet time during nap to zero. She also can just leave and go home at anytime if she wants, this isn’t indentured servitude despite what many may think, and many au pairs may not want to be here under these circumstances ruining all travel plans / social distancing. These are also young kids that don’t understand why mommy and daddy are at home but can’t play with them, are out of their normal routine and may be extra whiny/emotional/difficult. I have this same problem, OP, my very young kids cry every time they see me. Sure I could just let them all be, but I feel horribly guilty if I do, in part because it’s exhausting and not what the au pair signed up for, and also because they are babies! people need to be a little bit understanding in this time.

Anyone using an an pair is now getting what they paid for. Au pairs are younger girls who typically don’t have the life experiences or even childcare experience to effectively manage three kids during a crisis. Sure there may be exceptions but most of us can probably think back to when we were 22 and know we weren’t mature enough.

The only reason most people use an au pair is because it’s cheap. Now many parents are dealing with the consequences of this.

Daycares are closed lady, having an au pair right now looks like the smart move! Also, those are tough ages and way outnumbered. I would not be able to handle that gracefully either and I have two young kids of my own.

Also what is your alternative? A parent that stays home? Because a nanny might be great and all but it’s still confusing AF for young kids why their parents are home and can’t play with them.

[Anonymous]

Bumping this back up. Anyone losing their minds? DH and I cannot work at home with a 2 and 5 y/o. The kids are being neglected with screens for hours. Everyone is yelling at each other. Our jobs are not lessening up on demands at all and my job is giving me no flexibility in the hours I work. Our daycare is still requesting full payment to hold their spots, which is like 80% of my take home pay. I’m making myself absolutely miserable trying to work just so I can hand over the bulk of my income for childcare we’re not receiving. I feel for the teachers and want them to get paid, but this is not realistic. I’m at the point I’d rather take unpaid leave (assuming my job will allow this) than neglect my kids for hours so I can keep someone else employed. At the end of the day, I need to take care of my family and this is getting insane after just 2 weeks. I am in tears daily trying to meet the demands of my job and meet my kids’ basic needs. My 2 year old is dropping nap, destructive, makes constant messes that I’m up until 11 pm trying to clean, etc. I’m reaching a breaking point. Anyone else feel like they’re being pushed out of the workforce right now?