So overwhelmed by parenting + working FT from home
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Anonymous
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Sorry if this has been posted already but I don't have time to read through all the other posts. I am majorly failing at working from home plus taking care of my kids plus trying to not let the house fall apart from filth and lack of groceries. DH and I both have demanding jobs that are not cutting us enough slack given what's happening in the world. We still have hard deadlines that can't move (due to negative business impacts) and video conference calls all day long that are out of our control in terms of scheduling. We're trying to switch off but it's kind of impossible since our kids are 5.5 and 1.5 and have completely different interests and can't do the same activities. The older one has a good amount of school work to do, but needs guidance to actually do it, The house is fairly child proofed but the baby is getting in to everything and needs constant supervision.
The end result is producing crappy work, being a frustrated, distracted parent and feeling beyond stretched and stressed. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, DH and I log back on to work to get more done and then are up well after midnight cleaning up the house, doing laundry, etc. Given that this may go on for months, this is just no sustainable. How are other double working parent families managing? ANy tips I am not thinking of? I know we can just do the best we can, but feels like we're failing everyone. |
Anonymous
| Two choices: quit or hire help |
Anonymous
We normally have a full time nanny but she is no longer coming since our school shut down due to a coronavirus case. Is there actually help to be found right now? |
Anonymous
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Let go of the school work. Seriously. At that age, kids learn best by playing. Let your 5 yr old play. Let them put the clean silverware away in the drawer. Let them fold laundry, however they think it's neat.
Let them Windex the mirrors and windows. Let them do Legos all morning. At 5, let them play. |
Anonymous
| No advice, just commiseration. I got a new job right before schools closed, so I’m still learning the ropes. It’s also a difficult job for me- very tech, which I know little about, so it takes forever for me to do stuff- plus it’s run by young people without kids who don’t really understand. I already got one notice today that I’m not turning things in timely enough and I’m failing to finish my daily to-dos. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose this job, I doubt I’ll be able to find a new one now. |
Anonymous
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Yes, let the schoolwork go. I also found that taking an early walk with my energetic kid helped calm him a bit when I had to get work done afterward. Also, if you can push housework to the weekend, I'd do that as well. My house is a dump at the moment but I'll deal with it on Saturday.
I'm with you. This is really hard. I am taking things one day at a time and lowering my expectations so I can make it through each day. |
Anonymous
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It is overwhelming.
Have you tried staggering shifts so you are both not working at the same time? I know if you both have conference calls you need to set the kids up with screens, but otherwise try to stagger shifts a little - someone can start early, the other can end late, both of you can take long lunches at different times. Put it on your Outlook calendar so you don't get pulled into a meeting. Whoever has the kids can also do meal prep/cleanup. Let the house get messy and save it until the weekend. |
Anonymous
NP but (a) not feasible and (b) ever heard of social distancing? I'm not hiring someone to come here and bring their contacts into my home. This is why we are in the midst of a pandemic. Because of idiots like you who don't understand why we are being asked to stay at home. |
Anonymous
| I am in the same boat OP. It’s tough. I am exhausted. |
Anonymous
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I have ONE 11 year old child and a husband who is also working from home and I was up working til 2am last night and probably will be again tonight. This sucks balls.
Biggest sympathy to you with a 1.5 year old and a 5 year old. RESPECT. Have no idea how you are doing that. |
Anonymous
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SAME. And it's so hard.
I saw a friend posted how she was laughing because we all said SAHMs do nothing all day and now we'll all see how much work they really do. Except we're still doing our normal jobs too. My work is slammed. I seriously don't know how I'll make it longer. And they say 8 weeks more?!!?! We too are still paying our daycare full time. I really don't have anyone to whine to, but I just feel like I'm falling apart. Both my toddler and baby cried for a long time after I put them to bed. And we read so many books and cuddled. It's just not enough to make up for what they're missing (friends, daycare activities, library, grocery shopping, playgrounds). Just miserable. But obviously I have a job (no annual leave though as I just used it all) and we're healthy. |
Anonymous
| Laundry and cleaning on the weekends. |
Anonymous
You can't have your nanny still coming! So much for social distancing! My friends who have nannies either paid them more to move in or cut them out (but still paying). |
Anonymous
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That new bill Congress just passed gives you up to 6 weeks 18 weeks of paid leave. From a Washington Post article on it:
"The new law grants two weeks of paid sick leave at 100 percent of the person’s normal salary, up to $511 per day. It would also provide up to 12 weeks of paid family and medical leave at 67 percent of the person’s normal pay, up to $200 per day." We're in the same boat as you, and we're only 1 week into it and work is already slipping. We may take turns availing ourselves of this option if our employers aren't willing to cut any slack. |
Anonymous
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I feel you OP. I run HR for a national company with some
locations that are required to stay open (a few designated FEMA sites). The stress of my job right now combined with my 4 year old now behaving like a wild animal is going to break me. I’m doing zip to take care of myself. |