So overwhelmed by parenting + working FT from home

[Anonymous]

All of you need to stop whining. Everybody is going through the same shut up and do your job as an employee and and as parent .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. My husband and I are both teleworking, but neither of us can "call out sick" in any realistic way unless we legit get COVID 19. Our employers (and coworkers, and supervisors, and direct reports, etc.) all need things from us and we have so much work to get done. Plus we know we're not the only ones struggling so we're not about to dump the work on other people. And we can't exactly call in sick for 8 weeks!!

But we have two young kids at home and IT IS SO HARD. I'm exhausted, and it's only week 1. I don't have any advice. Just commiseration.

This is such BS. If you had the flu, if you broke your arm, if your kid was ill, you would call out for a day or more and your work would be fine. If you died, your work would figure it out. A lot of people here are addicted to the feeling of busyness. The universe is giving you an unprecedented opportunity to slow down and you won't take it.

I have a job, I manage people, I have deliverables. They can wait a few hours each day, or a day or two. They can call me if I'm offline and they desperately need an answer. It's ok to put myself first.

This x1000. The only thing worse than SAHMartyrs is WOHMartyrs. Yes, the world can survive if you take a day off. You may think the company would go bankrupt without you, but they’re resilient, I promise.

Sorry but you don’t know how demanding someone’s job can be at times.
Last year I got pneumonia and was sick for six weeks (high fever for part of the day), genuinely ill. My boss made such a big deal about me taking a day off when a new person who I was supposed to manage was starting. I kept telling her I’m sick I can’t work right now unless you want me to be in the hospital, and she told me to basically suck it up because I’m a manager. I reported it because it’s against corporate policy to have people work sick, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s still my direct supervisor and has a lot of influence on my compensation.
So yes there are people with demanding jobs that will not let up and most of us don’t have the legit ability to just quit.

That situation is caused by a horrible manager, not because the job description requires the performer to be on duty 24/7 or the world will stop spinning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you need to stop whining. Everybody is going through the same shut up and do your job as an employee and and as parent .

Who are you? Why do you not have a single ounce of empathy?

[Anonymous]

Its gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. These may become the least painful period. Next 8 weeks are make or break,

[Anonymous]

I’m so sick of people saying this can all be fixed with a schedule. I can’t do a schedule because I’m working!!! Today I have calls/zooms from 12 noon to 3 pm and then another at 4:30. Tomorrow they start at 9:30 am and go to 11:30 am then back again at 2:30 pm. I am supposed to have my calendar available to my clients. There is no routine because I’m trying to fit my kids around my and my DH’s (crazier) work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sick of people saying this can all be fixed with a schedule. I can’t do a schedule because I’m working!!! Today I have calls/zooms from 12 noon to 3 pm and then another at 4:30. Tomorrow they start at 9:30 am and go to 11:30 am then back again at 2:30 pm. I am supposed to have my calendar available to my clients. There is no routine because I’m trying to fit my kids around my and my DH’s (crazier) work schedule.

I agree about the schedules, but it also sounds like your and your husband's employers are being unreasonable. We have days like that, too, but we've also really pushed back on expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sick of people saying this can all be fixed with a schedule. I can’t do a schedule because I’m working!!! Today I have calls/zooms from 12 noon to 3 pm and then another at 4:30. Tomorrow they start at 9:30 am and go to 11:30 am then back again at 2:30 pm. I am supposed to have my calendar available to my clients. There is no routine because I’m trying to fit my kids around my and my DH’s (crazier) work schedule.

Yup, I'm here with you. Single parent with a 7 year old. Several days a week I have hours of back-to-back zoom calls. I try to take the minute or two between calls to check on my daughter and get her a snack, but then I have to leave her alone again in another room to go back on another client call. She's been great so far about just watching TV or playing with toys in her room. But she gets incredibly lonely so when I get off a call, I try to play with her a bit. But then that just means I get further and further behind with my other client work.

All of this complaining aside, I just want to acknowledge how grateful I am to have a job right now and the ability to work from home. I know so many people don't and I am really blessed.

[Anonymous]

My DH's employer informed him that they expect him back in the office Monday. We have a toddler. I'm working (very inefficiently) from home. DH has been watching kid while his office is "deep cleaned" after someone tested positive. Now we're scrambling to figure out childcare. Originally we thought they would have DH work form home--at least then we might be able to juggle shifts and make it all work. But if he has to be in the office, well......we're up a creek.

OH! And DH was told today there is a "mandatory" call tomorrow, scheduled for the exact same time I have a long-scheduled board of directors call. And he's mad at me for not being more flexible. I've only been telling him for weeks the date and time of this call. We're all at the end of our ropes here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH's employer informed him that they expect him back in the office Monday. We have a toddler. I'm working (very inefficiently) from home. DH has been watching kid while his office is "deep cleaned" after someone tested positive. Now we're scrambling to figure out childcare. Originally we thought they would have DH work form home--at least then we might be able to juggle shifts and make it all work. But if he has to be in the office, well......we're up a creek.

OH! And DH was told today there is a "mandatory" call tomorrow, scheduled for the exact same time I have a long-scheduled board of directors call. And he's mad at me for not being more flexible. I've only been telling him for weeks the date and time of this call. We're all at the end of our ropes here.

Wow, they have the balls to do this the day after a stay-at-home order! What industry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so burnt. I don’t want to play anymore. I don’t want to work. I just want to sleep..

Anyone else hitting this wall. There is zero downtime w little kids and full time work.

Same!!!! Except I can’t sleep. I go up to bed at 9:30 and take a Benadryl. I lay there until 1 or 2 am until I finally fall asleep. I’ve done meditation podcasts and warm baths. No dice. Last night I had vivid quarantine dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's employer informed him that they expect him back in the office Monday. We have a toddler. I'm working (very inefficiently) from home. DH has been watching kid while his office is "deep cleaned" after someone tested positive. Now we're scrambling to figure out childcare. Originally we thought they would have DH work form home--at least then we might be able to juggle shifts and make it all work. But if he has to be in the office, well......we're up a creek.

OH! And DH was told today there is a "mandatory" call tomorrow, scheduled for the exact same time I have a long-scheduled board of directors call. And he's mad at me for not being more flexible. I've only been telling him for weeks the date and time of this call. We're all at the end of our ropes here.

Wow, they have the balls to do this the day after a stay-at-home order! What industry?

Banking, so technically an "essential" business. But it's straight-up BS. It can all be done from home. The whole reason DH (and myself and kid) was exposed in the first place and the office has to be closed down for deep cleaning is they refused to allow telework options 3 weeks ago when most everyone else switched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sick of people saying this can all be fixed with a schedule. I can’t do a schedule because I’m working!!! Today I have calls/zooms from 12 noon to 3 pm and then another at 4:30. Tomorrow they start at 9:30 am and go to 11:30 am then back again at 2:30 pm. I am supposed to have my calendar available to my clients. There is no routine because I’m trying to fit my kids around my and my DH’s (crazier) work schedule.

I agree about the schedules, but it also sounds like your and your husband's employers are being unreasonable. We have days like that, too, but we've also really pushed back on expectations.

Why should an employer change routine conference calls and deadlines just because of parents with kids? All the other individuals get really pissed about that because they don't feel that they should have to accommodate our children. DH and I are unhappy, we try to have the kids on a schedule, but when we both have a call at the same time, we rely on screen time. We're doing what we can to manage.

[Anonymous]

This was going around Facebook a couple days ago. I have to say I agree and it is unsustainable. I was *already* part time and am finding it unmanageable with a 9yo (w severe ADHD) and a 6 yo. I am requesting at least a few weeks off starting next week, and consider myself VERY lucky that it's an option and shouldn't totally bomb my career.

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CHILDCARE IS WORK. PEOPLE SPECIALIZE IN IT!

TEACHING IS WORK. PEOPLE SPECIALIZE IN IT!

THEY ARE BOTH FULL TIME JOBS IN THEIR OWN RIGHT.

EXPECTING PARENTS TO WORK FULL TIME AT FULL PRODUCTIVITY RIGHT NOW IS ASKING THEM TO WORK TWO FULL TIME JOBS (SIMULTANEOUSLY!!) OR NEGLECT THEIR CHILDREN.

IT IS ASKING THEM TO DO THIS WHILE THEY ARE UNDER THE SAME SOCIETAL STRESSORS AS EVERYONE ELSE - NAMELY HEIGHTENED ANXIETY, SCHEDULE DISRUPTION, AND STRUCTURAL DISRUPTION.

IT IS UNREASONABLE CAPITALIST VIOLENCE TO HOLD THE SAME EXPECTATIONS THAT WE DID BEFORE FOR PARENTS WHO WORK RIGHT NOW AND WE SHOULD NOT TOLERATE IT.

IT ALSO DEVALUES THE WORK OF TEACHERS AND CAREGIVERS AND UPHOLDS DAMAGING SOCIETAL MYTHS THAT THIS LABOR IS NOT WORK, AND WE SHOULD NOT TOLERATE THAT EITHER.

NO I WILL NOT STOP SHOUTING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was going around Facebook a couple days ago. I have to say I agree and it is unsustainable. I was *already* part time and am finding it unmanageable with a 9yo (w severe ADHD) and a 6 yo. I am requesting at least a few weeks off starting next week, and consider myself VERY lucky that it's an option and shouldn't totally bomb my career.

--

CHILDCARE IS WORK. PEOPLE SPECIALIZE IN IT!

TEACHING IS WORK. PEOPLE SPECIALIZE IN IT!

THEY ARE BOTH FULL TIME JOBS IN THEIR OWN RIGHT.

EXPECTING PARENTS TO WORK FULL TIME AT FULL PRODUCTIVITY RIGHT NOW IS ASKING THEM TO WORK TWO FULL TIME JOBS (SIMULTANEOUSLY!!) OR NEGLECT THEIR CHILDREN.

IT IS ASKING THEM TO DO THIS WHILE THEY ARE UNDER THE SAME SOCIETAL STRESSORS AS EVERYONE ELSE - NAMELY HEIGHTENED ANXIETY, SCHEDULE DISRUPTION, AND STRUCTURAL DISRUPTION.

IT IS UNREASONABLE CAPITALIST VIOLENCE TO HOLD THE SAME EXPECTATIONS THAT WE DID BEFORE FOR PARENTS WHO WORK RIGHT NOW AND WE SHOULD NOT TOLERATE IT.

IT ALSO DEVALUES THE WORK OF TEACHERS AND CAREGIVERS AND UPHOLDS DAMAGING SOCIETAL MYTHS THAT THIS LABOR IS NOT WORK, AND WE SHOULD NOT TOLERATE THAT EITHER.

NO I WILL NOT STOP SHOUTING.

This is great.

[Anonymous]

I feel so very bad for single parents or dual working families. This is tough and I was a SAH parent. Now I'm obviously still a SAH parent and this is hard because our usual playground, museum, etc. routine is smashed to bits and we live in a small apartment with no outdoor space. I'm not in a great place mental health wise, and I just keep thinking how easy we have it for now. Anyway, sending any leftover energy I have your way. This is miserable any way you slice it.