So overwhelmed by parenting + working FT from home

[Anonymous]

We have 2 kids 5 and 8, and have an au pair.

If we did not have an au pair, I would’ve paid for our nanny (when we had one) to move in to our guest bedroom for the next few weeks.

I know that it may sound extreme to some, but my husband and I both have demanding jobs and there is no way for us to ‘keep it all together’. With a potential Recession looming I need my job now more than ever, but also it’s extremely important that our kids get lots of fresh air (playing in our backyard), their laundry gets done (and not by me because I do not have time), they have semi-healthy meals and so on.

I’m not in a bubble, I know that this is not an option that most families can afford, but for my family and our relentless jobs, and our amazing but high energy and semi-needy kids, we have to throw money at the issue.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. We are both WFH and we have a 4 year old and 22 months old. We are not doing any “homeschooling” and we are just trying to survive. We don’t have important jobs, but still busy jobs with deadlines. I am so exhausted and honestly we don’t plan to hire anyone because we don’t know any babysitters and also, we are paying daycare, close to $4000. We don’t have extra cash to hire full time sitters every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of sympathy, OP. But seriously, call out sick. Take a couple days, then have your spouse take a couple days, then restart at a slower pace that allows time for rest and family. This is going to be a long term thing and you need to pace yourself. Your kids need you rested and sane.

Companies that behave like yours (delusional, inflexible) are already losing productivity as employees get sick and buildings close. If they were smarter they would be flexible now, to avoid that. If they won't be smart then you need to _take_ the flexibility you need even if that means late delivery of a work product. Negative business impacts is a pretty minor concern right now, do the bare minimum to keep your job.

With all due respect, I’m not sure you have a job like OP does. I don’t know what she does and I don’t consider myself to be that important in the grand scheme of things but right now my work needs me. I can’t call in sick. Maybe in a few weeks if things slow down a bit, but not right now. OP may be in the same boat so your advice is flippant and not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. We are both WFH and we have a 4 year old and 22 months old. We are not doing any “homeschooling” and we are just trying to survive. We don’t have important jobs, but still busy jobs with deadlines. I am so exhausted and honestly we don’t plan to hire anyone because we don’t know any babysitters and also, we are paying daycare, close to $4000. We don’t have extra cash to hire full time sitters every day.

Me too, OP and PP. It's exhausting. We are keeping standards low - get outside twice a day, just for a walk around the block or to run in circles around the yard, don't watch TV ALL day, and otherwise just survive. Cleaning, shopping, and laundry are weekend jobs. This won't last forever. Safety and health first, work next, everything else last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. My husband and I are both teleworking, but neither of us can "call out sick" in any realistic way unless we legit get COVID 19. Our employers (and coworkers, and supervisors, and direct reports, etc.) all need things from us and we have so much work to get done. Plus we know we're not the only ones struggling so we're not about to dump the work on other people. And we can't exactly call in sick for 8 weeks!!

But we have two young kids at home and IT IS SO HARD. I'm exhausted, and it's only week 1. I don't have any advice. Just commiseration.

This is such BS. If you had the flu, if you broke your arm, if your kid was ill, you would call out for a day or more and your work would be fine. If you died, your work would figure it out. A lot of people here are addicted to the feeling of busyness. The universe is giving you an unprecedented opportunity to slow down and you won't take it.

I have a job, I manage people, I have deliverables. They can wait a few hours each day, or a day or two. They can call me if I'm offline and they desperately need an answer. It's ok to put myself first.

This x1000. The only thing worse than SAHMartyrs is WOHMartyrs. Yes, the world can survive if you take a day off. You may think the company would go bankrupt without you, but they’re resilient, I promise.

Do you think all working moms are just easily replaceable drones? I am the only person at my company who does what I do, which happens to be in high demand at this particular time given what is going on. I don’t have an inflated sense of self-importance, it’s just the truth. So stop pretending like your job or your friend’s job is like all other jobs out there. I actively try not to be a martyr, but I’m pretty sure if I told my boss I just wasn’t going to take some sick leave when I don’t actually have the coronavirus (I assume), then I’ll get fired or, at best, burn some major bridges.

[Anonymous]

It’s a nightmare and not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. My husband and I are both teleworking, but neither of us can "call out sick" in any realistic way unless we legit get COVID 19. Our employers (and coworkers, and supervisors, and direct reports, etc.) all need things from us and we have so much work to get done. Plus we know we're not the only ones struggling so we're not about to dump the work on other people. And we can't exactly call in sick for 8 weeks!!

But we have two young kids at home and IT IS SO HARD. I'm exhausted, and it's only week 1. I don't have any advice. Just commiseration.

This is such BS. If you had the flu, if you broke your arm, if your kid was ill, you would call out for a day or more and your work would be fine. If you died, your work would figure it out. A lot of people here are addicted to the feeling of busyness. The universe is giving you an unprecedented opportunity to slow down and you won't take it.

I have a job, I manage people, I have deliverables. They can wait a few hours each day, or a day or two. They can call me if I'm offline and they desperately need an answer. It's ok to put myself first.

This x1000. The only thing worse than SAHMartyrs is WOHMartyrs. Yes, the world can survive if you take a day off. You may think the company would go bankrupt without you, but they’re resilient, I promise.

Do you think all working moms are just easily replaceable drones? I am the only person at my company who does what I do, which happens to be in high demand at this particular time given what is going on. I don’t have an inflated sense of self-importance, it’s just the truth. So stop pretending like your job or your friend’s job is like all other jobs out there. I actively try not to be a martyr, but I’m pretty sure if I told my boss I just wasn’t going to take some sick leave when I don’t actually have the coronavirus (I assume), then I’ll get fired or, at best, burn some major bridges.

Lol, get over yourself. You’re not that important. Maybe you tell yourself that to justify all of the hours you work? But trust me, if you were to die tomorrow, you would be forgotten by your boss by next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. My husband and I are both teleworking, but neither of us can "call out sick" in any realistic way unless we legit get COVID 19. Our employers (and coworkers, and supervisors, and direct reports, etc.) all need things from us and we have so much work to get done. Plus we know we're not the only ones struggling so we're not about to dump the work on other people. And we can't exactly call in sick for 8 weeks!!

But we have two young kids at home and IT IS SO HARD. I'm exhausted, and it's only week 1. I don't have any advice. Just commiseration.

This is such BS. If you had the flu, if you broke your arm, if your kid was ill, you would call out for a day or more and your work would be fine. If you died, your work would figure it out. A lot of people here are addicted to the feeling of busyness. The universe is giving you an unprecedented opportunity to slow down and you won't take it.

I have a job, I manage people, I have deliverables. They can wait a few hours each day, or a day or two. They can call me if I'm offline and they desperately need an answer. It's ok to put myself first.

This x1000. The only thing worse than SAHMartyrs is WOHMartyrs. Yes, the world can survive if you take a day off. You may think the company would go bankrupt without you, but they’re resilient, I promise.

This poster can probably take a day or two off. I’m sure they mean they can’t call off for weeks on end for school closure.

[Anonymous]

Almost 4 yo and two jobs that have already had some telework involved.

DH’s job, though it’s a solitary, do-anywhere no deadlines database type thing, is being very inflexible.
Mine, we are dealing with coordinating agency response and putting out info. to communities, and my boss has been lovely. Telling us to do what we need to do to be present for children (while obviously still needing to do work), not making us use leave, and encouraging us to drop non-essential projects for the time being.

This week was crazy because I had tons of last minute calls, and DH flexed and worked a couple hours on / off around those when they popped up. His boss didn’t like that and said his hours needed to be regular and predictable. So next week, I’m doing a split shift of super early morning and then some hours after dinner so he can get his “full day.” He’s going to take a long lunch so I can get a break from child care mid day. And I’ll try to call in for calls that I don’t need to speak and can listen with one ear.

We are managing with waaaay tooo much TV. Luckily the weather’s nice so we are getting to play in our thankfully fenced in yard and take walks and bike rides. Whoever is watching DS has him help with things like making his own breakfasts, helping with laundry, working in the garden, etc.

We’ve also ordered some new toys to dole out slowly, and are taking major advantage of frozen meals and Instacart. And drinking way too much, lol.

I am slightly jealous of my single or friends or without kids who are making gourmet meals and going for long jogs. But I wanted my kid for so long and really love my job. It just makes me realize how much of a better parent and worker I am with good child care.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this end of the spectrum isn't getting any coverage and rightfully so at this point. But it's still not sustainable

[Anonymous]

I would hire someone you trust to come be with the kids every day for a few hours. My best friend had to do this. Both she(county Gov) and her husband (fed gov - intelligence) were deemed “critical” so they still have to go into the office a lot. Their son is in K and they were able to hire his favorite daycare teacher to come to their house everyday. The teacher was available because the daycare is closed right now. Teacher is teaching son and helping with household stuff.

[Anonymous]

We currently have a sitter b/c DH and I have to work in our offices, but we’ll both be able to telework in April and need childcare. It’s just not realistic to work with young kids who need attention and we can’t just limit our work to a few hours a day which is all we could realistically accomplish while home with our 5 year old. I considered waking up at 4 to work a few hours before the kid wakes up but that’s not sustainable. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hire someone you trust to come be with the kids every day for a few hours. My best friend had to do this. Both she(county Gov) and her husband (fed gov - intelligence) were deemed “critical” so they still have to go into the office a lot. Their son is in K and they were able to hire his favorite daycare teacher to come to their house everyday. The teacher was available because the daycare is closed right now. Teacher is teaching son and helping with household stuff.

This is so hard. I would LOVE to hire help as we are in the same situation as many of you. But a daycare teacher in your home? Who has been exposed to dozens of kids who were likely not showing symptoms? That seems insanely risky. I have a 16 year old cousin who wants to help us - but she was on a plane last week. So ... what to do? It's hard.

[Anonymous]

I feel for all of you. My kids were that age during "snowmageddon" back in 2010, and that was very temporary and still so hard! Now i's more keeping them off their screens all day. But it's still hard. They miss their sports and their friends.

[Anonymous]

Single mom here also teleworking full time- indefinitely - with no support ( local, nanny, or otherwise). Just sending you lots of compassion during this time. Paper plates maybe, wear pjs, engage the goggle assist to tell some stories and give yourself the WHO GIVES A DAMN permission slip. When things get back to normal consider a new company that values work life balance. You’re doing a treat job.