I have ONE standard for men. Am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

This.

You’re literally dumping guys and not giving them a chance because...they didn’t iron their shirt that day or because you went to hook up with them in your first date and they didn’t make their bed because they probably weren’t expecting to hook up yet.

You say you have one expectation and you have a laundry list of issues, many of them being very minor.

If you’re that picky because you don’t have a guy who looks like he’s in a J Crew catalog to showoff for your instagram friends, you’re going to end up being a single cat lady the rest of your life.

Maybe...give people a chance? Or look inward at your own self issues?

I don't get the sense that it was just one thing (non ironed shirt or bed not made), or just one time.

Not OP... but I do think there are plenty of men out there who are slobs and don't make any effort to make themselves attractive, then get all bent out of shape when women don't want to date them.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

This.

You’re literally dumping guys and not giving them a chance because...they didn’t iron their shirt that day or because you went to hook up with them in your first date and they didn’t make their bed because they probably weren’t expecting to hook up yet.

You say you have one expectation and you have a laundry list of issues, many of them being very minor.

If you’re that picky because you don’t have a guy who looks like he’s in a J Crew catalog to showoff for your instagram friends, you’re going to end up being a single cat lady the rest of your life.

Maybe...give people a chance? Or look inward at your own self issues?

I don't get the sense that it was just one thing (non ironed shirt or bed not made), or just one time.

Not OP... but I do think there are plenty of men out there who are slobs and don't make any effort to make themselves attractive, then get all bent out of shape when women don't want to date them.

And women don’t do the same? After a few weeks/months, the makeup stops being put on and the sweatpants start coming on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

This.

You’re literally dumping guys and not giving them a chance because...they didn’t iron their shirt that day or because you went to hook up with them in your first date and they didn’t make their bed because they probably weren’t expecting to hook up yet.

You say you have one expectation and you have a laundry list of issues, many of them being very minor.

If you’re that picky because you don’t have a guy who looks like he’s in a J Crew catalog to showoff for your instagram friends, you’re going to end up being a single cat lady the rest of your life.

Maybe...give people a chance? Or look inward at your own self issues?

I don't get the sense that it was just one thing (non ironed shirt or bed not made), or just one time.

Not OP... but I do think there are plenty of men out there who are slobs and don't make any effort to make themselves attractive, then get all bent out of shape when women don't want to date them.

And women don’t do the same? After a few weeks/months, the makeup stops being put on and the sweatpants start coming on.

Many women look just fine without makeup and women with nice shapes look good in all types of clothes. A more apt comparison (and I am a woman saying this) is the woman stops acting calm, friendly and open minded after a few months and starts nagging, being jealous and complaining. I did this a lot as a young woman, but guys put up with it cuz I am good looking and a great lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

This.

You’re literally dumping guys and not giving them a chance because...they didn’t iron their shirt that day or because you went to hook up with them in your first date and they didn’t make their bed because they probably weren’t expecting to hook up yet.

You say you have one expectation and you have a laundry list of issues, many of them being very minor.

If you’re that picky because you don’t have a guy who looks like he’s in a J Crew catalog to showoff for your instagram friends, you’re going to end up being a single cat lady the rest of your life.

Maybe...give people a chance? Or look inward at your own self issues?

I don't get the sense that it was just one thing (non ironed shirt or bed not made), or just one time.

Not OP... but I do think there are plenty of men out there who are slobs and don't make any effort to make themselves attractive, then get all bent out of shape when women don't want to date them.

And women don’t do the same? After a few weeks/months, the makeup stops being put on and the sweatpants start coming on.

Difference here is that OP is stating that the men whom she is finding to date are slobs from the beginning, not after a few weeks/months of dating. Sweatpants are fine if you have been going out for a few months, and you are having a chill night at home, watching a movie. When DH and I were dating, after the first couple of months, we had lots of chill nights at home; sweat pants, lay on the couch, watch a movie, get intimate.

But, he and I at least put some effort into our appearance the first couple of weeks when we started dating. We got comfortable with each other pretty quickly. I don't mind the sweatpants, just not on the first few dates. It just seems like the person doesn't want to make any effort, and that IMO sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

This.

You’re literally dumping guys and not giving them a chance because...they didn’t iron their shirt that day or because you went to hook up with them in your first date and they didn’t make their bed because they probably weren’t expecting to hook up yet.

You say you have one expectation and you have a laundry list of issues, many of them being very minor.

If you’re that picky because you don’t have a guy who looks like he’s in a J Crew catalog to showoff for your instagram friends, you’re going to end up being a single cat lady the rest of your life.

Maybe...give people a chance? Or look inward at your own self issues?

I don't get the sense that it was just one thing (non ironed shirt or bed not made), or just one time.

Not OP... but I do think there are plenty of men out there who are slobs and don't make any effort to make themselves attractive, then get all bent out of shape when women don't want to date them.

And women don’t do the same? After a few weeks/months, the makeup stops being put on and the sweatpants start coming on.

Difference here is that OP is stating that the men whom she is finding to date are slobs from the beginning, not after a few weeks/months of dating. Sweatpants are fine if you have been going out for a few months, and you are having a chill night at home, watching a movie. When DH and I were dating, after the first couple of months, we had lots of chill nights at home; sweat pants, lay on the couch, watch a movie, get intimate.

But, he and I at least put some effort into our appearance the first couple of weeks when we started dating. We got comfortable with each other pretty quickly. I don't mind the sweatpants, just not on the first few dates. It just seems like the person doesn't want to make any effort, and that IMO sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.

It depends on the first few dates. If you’re meeting up at a bar or coffee shop, a normal shirt/button-up/sweater and jeans should suffice. If she’s expecting a guy to be in a suit dressed up like he’s posing for a magazine, that’s a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

In life, you don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.
You attract immature irresponsible guys because you’re a whiny little brat (immature) who is always blaming everybody and everything for her problems and never bothers to look in the mirror (irresponsible).

This.

You’re literally dumping guys and not giving them a chance because...they didn’t iron their shirt that day or because you went to hook up with them in your first date and they didn’t make their bed because they probably weren’t expecting to hook up yet.

You say you have one expectation and you have a laundry list of issues, many of them being very minor.

If you’re that picky because you don’t have a guy who looks like he’s in a J Crew catalog to showoff for your instagram friends, you’re going to end up being a single cat lady the rest of your life.

Maybe...give people a chance? Or look inward at your own self issues?

I don't get the sense that it was just one thing (non ironed shirt or bed not made), or just one time.

Not OP... but I do think there are plenty of men out there who are slobs and don't make any effort to make themselves attractive, then get all bent out of shape when women don't want to date them.

And women don’t do the same? After a few weeks/months, the makeup stops being put on and the sweatpants start coming on.

Difference here is that OP is stating that the men whom she is finding to date are slobs from the beginning, not after a few weeks/months of dating. Sweatpants are fine if you have been going out for a few months, and you are having a chill night at home, watching a movie. When DH and I were dating, after the first couple of months, we had lots of chill nights at home; sweat pants, lay on the couch, watch a movie, get intimate.

But, he and I at least put some effort into our appearance the first couple of weeks when we started dating. We got comfortable with each other pretty quickly. I don't mind the sweatpants, just not on the first few dates. It just seems like the person doesn't want to make any effort, and that IMO sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.

It depends on the first few dates. If you’re meeting up at a bar or coffee shop, a normal shirt/button-up/sweater and jeans should suffice. If she’s expecting a guy to be in a suit dressed up like he’s posing for a magazine, that’s a bit much.

I think reasonable. Why would you want to be with somebody in tails and a top hat at Starbucks? No thanks. Well maybe that would be fun but not your "normal" date. But a clean button up, and jeans that aren't ripped is a reasonable ask. No t-shirts with holes under the arms on a first date, please.

[Anonymous]

Those requirements sound reasonable except for the ironed shirt and made bed. I’m struggling to even imagine the type of person that always does this. A clean shirt and clean sheets seems like a more reasonable demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those requirements sound reasonable except for the ironed shirt and made bed. I’m struggling to even imagine the type of person that always does this. A clean shirt and clean sheets seems like a more reasonable demand.

This. Overall OPs standards are pretty basic. But ironed may be taking it too far. Clean is fine.

[Anonymous]

If OP is single and dating around in her 30’s, it screams that something is up with her, as well. She’s hit the wall already. She’s of less value to men, hence, she’s not meeting quality men. The guys she’s looking for want women in their 20s who are younger. OP’s time is up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those requirements sound reasonable except for the ironed shirt and made bed. I’m struggling to even imagine the type of person that always does this. A clean shirt and clean sheets seems like a more reasonable demand.

Agree with this.

Also, if OP is consistently not finding people that meet this minimum bar I suspect the issue lies with the OP. Either where she is looking or something else about herself or her dating profile that people are finding offputting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP is single and dating around in her 30’s, it screams that something is up with her, as well. She’s hit the wall already. She’s of less value to men, hence, she’s not meeting quality men. The guys she’s looking for want women in their 20s who are younger. OP’s time is up.

Ouch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those requirements sound reasonable except for the ironed shirt and made bed. I’m struggling to even imagine the type of person that always does this. A clean shirt and clean sheets seems like a more reasonable demand.

Agree with this.

Also, if OP is consistently not finding people that meet this minimum bar I suspect the issue lies with the OP. Either where she is looking or something else about herself or her dating profile that people are finding offputting.

OP it isn't you. The norm now is that people are sloppy and take little pride in how they look and care much less about manner, social graces, and being polite and considerate of others in general.

[Anonymous]

OP, my very wonderful brother in law was what you would describe as a "basement dwelling gamer" when my sister met him. He is very into video games, lived in a basement rental in a house with roommates, and while his furniture was not dirty (he's a neat freak!) it was all old and cheap. He also wasn't the greatest at fashion, living in old jeans and worn out tshirts. Again, everything was neat and clean, just... worn and unstylish. These are just not things that mattered to him. He didn't enjoy living alone so lived with friends. He worked from home and his friend group is very low key, so he didn't see the point of investing in a bunch of clothing.

He is a fantastic guy, a wonderful husband, and they have a lovely home. I'm not saying ditch all your standards and jump all over some filthy unemployed slob, but give the not-so-stylish, basement-dwelling video game aficionados a chance.

[Anonymous]

My super wonderful boyfriend rents a basement room. But it's not like he lives in a cave. He lives in a house. He cooks fabulous meals in the kitchen, and we do lots of things in the common rooms upstairs. His housemates are cool. They have no reason to come into the basement, however, which affords great privacy when we need it.

We love the neighborhood he lives in. If he had his own condo, it would not be in this neighborhood. I would still love him of course,no matter where he lived.