I have ONE standard for men. Am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um...that's like 100 standards.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are more than just “one thing” - that said, I agree all but the “freshly ironed shirt” thing are reasonable. Who cares about an ironed shirt...

FWIW I know very few (or perhaps none)- men who are like you describe. How bizarre!!

I could see a man lacking in one of these areas? My BIL, for example, is a gainfully employees engineer, pays his own bills, extremely nice and responsible guy. But he is a slob- his apartment- ugh. He dresses neatly and has good hygiene but is a casual guy..so the freshly ironed shirt I don’t know! Decent looking too.

I’m not sure if I’d be able to get past the gross apartment, myself, but based on this board (and from what I hear IRL) many men are this way. Maybe it is better if they are honest from day 1 vs pulling the bait and switch?

Actually, I do find OPs point on “freshly ironed shirt” to be important. It is a good indication of several things. A man who irons his shirt for a date, has likely made his bed too, and is showing he takes pride in his appearanc and his belongings and puts in the extra effort to present himself well. To me it also shows some level of discipline too, how much is hard to gauge, but for a first date, it would be a good sign for me.

Some who iron shirt give off a control-freak vibe. Time to assess characteristics matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking too much but you should reflect on why you're connecting with men who don't match that list. For example, in my experience, i was avoiding relationships with people who were available. I had to come to grips with why I was making bad choices which resulted in lack of intimacy instead of choosing men who were ready for intimacy. Don't know what your issue is, OP, but I would wonder if something similar is the case with you.

I suspect a lot has to do with the ratio of eligible men to women. Men can just lay back and put zero effort finding a woman, especially when they get older and start panicking about their biological clocks. I feel like even the most slovenly basement dweller can find a mate whereas plenty of attractive and successful women get left out.

Haha, how the tables turn

Exactly. It’s not easy for men early on.

[Anonymous]

The fact you haven't found anyone has nothing to do with whether you are asking too much or not. It just means guy don't find you attractive at all. Men starts everything with their eyes first... If you don't pass the first filter...

[Anonymous]

Op, you must be running in the wrong circles. All the men I have dated have met those minimum standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I rightly predicted that I’d be called out for having bullet points to the “one standard” but I feel the need to unpack what it means to be an ADULT which for some is too hard.

Can somebody name anything unreasonable that I said?

The ironed shirt part is trivial to me. We're tees and jeans kind of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

And what do you bring to the relationship? Nag, Nag, Nag?

I'm sure OP is..

.. well groomed
.. gainfully employed
.. keeps her place somewhat tidy
.. tries to be on time and not be flakey

I shared this post with my DH last night, and he said he didn't understand men who were like this, either.

Male here, how old is your DH? I look at most of these post about men and shake my head. I am close to 50 so I assume its age related. I never understood adults who were gamers. It doesn't take much effort to keep your house clean AND iron you clothes

LOL women on this board shake their heads about a 50 year old man posting on this board. You must be quite the catch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

And what do you bring to the relationship? Nag, Nag, Nag?

I'm sure OP is..

.. well groomed
.. gainfully employed
.. keeps her place somewhat tidy
.. tries to be on time and not be flakey

I shared this post with my DH last night, and he said he didn't understand men who were like this, either.

Male here, how old is your DH? I look at most of these post about men and shake my head. I am close to 50 so I assume its age related. I never understood adults who were gamers. It doesn't take much effort to keep your house clean AND iron you clothes

PP here.. my DH is 55, so yes, maybe it is an age thing.

If a man is not gainfully employed, he is not going to care about ironing his shirts, even for a date, I guess. My DH ironed his shirts for work, and he did make an effort when we started dating. He's an engineer. It's not like he's a metrosexual who cares a whole lot about his looks or his clothes, but he will make *some* effort to appear cleaned up, especially when we first started dating.

He wfh now so it's easy to go down the slob slope. I noticed that he started looking more like a slob everyday -- sweat pants, stained tshirt. I mean.. who cares? He wfh. But, then he even started to look like this when close friends came over for dinner. I didn't say anything at the time, but much later, when we were talking about something, I did joke about how he's been living in his sweatpants and it wasn't very flattering. This was a while ago. I haven't seen him wear sweatpants once since then. Recently, he's also lost some weight, and he is looking so much better. He's way more attractive without the huge beer belly hanging over his pants.

I feel sorry for younger women who are still looking for partners if this is what is out there. It's not like OP is looking for a rich guy, who is good looking and fit. Her standards seem pretty basic to me.

[Anonymous]

The one thing in OP's favor is she does not have a height requirement! All the women wanting a 6'2" man, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

And what do you bring to the relationship? Nag, Nag, Nag?

I'm sure OP is..

.. well groomed
.. gainfully employed
.. keeps her place somewhat tidy
.. tries to be on time and not be flakey

I shared this post with my DH last night, and he said he didn't understand men who were like this, either.

Male here, how old is your DH? I look at most of these post about men and shake my head. I am close to 50 so I assume its age related. I never understood adults who were gamers. It doesn't take much effort to keep your house clean AND iron you clothes

LOL women on this board shake their heads about a 50 year old man posting on this board. You must be quite the catch?

DP.. ? I don't understand what this post is supposed to mean. I happen to agree with the 50 yr old male poster above. What's wrong with an older guy posting on this board?

-signed a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one thing in OP's favor is she does not have a height requirement! All the women wanting a 6'2" man, lol.

I think that's the point.. OP's requirement isn't a pie in the sky type requirement. It's a low threshold requirement, and too many men can't even meet that low bar, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if you are asking for too much, OP, but I do know that you aren't very good at counting. Hopefully the guys you meet aren't looking for the ONE quality of being able to count accurately!

Op is either dumb or demanding under the guise of being reasonable. She would be lucky to have someone who loves her and to have sex with. Who cares about some of these nit picky things (ironed shirt) if he's a good guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

Why are you attracting such guys? My friends and I, don't even have this standard because it is given bare minimum. Just like it is given that as hetrosexual, single women we will be also dating only heterosexual, single men. Does this have to be a standard? We are not attracted to married men or gay men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

And what do you bring to the relationship? Nag, Nag, Nag?

I'm sure OP is..

.. well groomed
.. gainfully employed
.. keeps her place somewhat tidy
.. tries to be on time and not be flakey

I shared this post with my DH last night, and he said he didn't understand men who were like this, either.

Male here, how old is your DH? I look at most of these post about men and shake my head. I am close to 50 so I assume its age related. I never understood adults who were gamers. It doesn't take much effort to keep your house clean AND iron you clothes

LOL women on this board shake their heads about a 50 year old man posting on this board. You must be quite the catch?

DP.. ? I don't understand what this post is supposed to mean. I happen to agree with the 50 yr old male poster above. What's wrong with an older guy posting on this board?

-signed a woman

I’ll take all the fifty-year old men over the other male jerks who comment here.

[Anonymous]

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