I have ONE standard for men. Am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

[Anonymous]

Um...that's like 100 standards.

[Anonymous]

Although it's incredibly ignorant that your "ONE standard" involves so many additional standards, the worse aspect of your demands is that they are so subjective and almost impossible define. For example, what the hell does this mean: "respect people’s time and energy." Everyone's definition of respect is different. Not only that, everyone's definition of time and energy is different. Like, if I meet up with your for half an hour, is that time. What about cooking for half an hour? What about holding a 1,000 pound weight for half an hour. This post is absolutely absurd and I hope you recognize that. I also hope potentially mates stay far away from this red flag.

[Anonymous]

You are not asking too much, OP. What you describe is a pathetically low bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

I am giving this list to my kids. Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Coming from a guy, no, you’re not asking too much. Everything you listed is basic things a guy should know or be doing. It’s not rocket science.
Thanks Mom and Dad...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not asking too much, OP. What you describe is a pathetically low bar.

this

[Anonymous]

You're not asking too much but you should reflect on why you're connecting with men who don't match that list. For example, in my experience, i was avoiding relationships with people who were available. I had to come to grips with why I was making bad choices which resulted in lack of intimacy instead of choosing men who were ready for intimacy. Don't know what your issue is, OP, but I would wonder if something similar is the case with you.

[Anonymous]

OP here and I rightly predicted that I’d be called out for having bullet points to the “one standard” but I feel the need to unpack what it means to be an ADULT which for some is too hard.

Can somebody name anything unreasonable that I said?

And by “respecting time and energy” it means understand when you set up a plan with someone, and they arrange their work/errands/friends/other activity schedule and drive from Maryland to Virginia, after doing my hair all nice, etc...please don’t cancel or postpone at the last minute without a REALLY GOOD REASON. Show at least somewhat of a reciprocal effort when seeing someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not asking too much, OP. What you describe is a pathetically low bar.

You’d be surprised.
- Married to a great guy and know tons of women whose husbands don’t meet these standards

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you attracting losers? Please describe yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking too much but you should reflect on why you're connecting with men who don't match that list. For example, in my experience, i was avoiding relationships with people who were available. I had to come to grips with why I was making bad choices which resulted in lack of intimacy instead of choosing men who were ready for intimacy. Don't know what your issue is, OP, but I would wonder if something similar is the case with you.

I suspect a lot has to do with the ratio of eligible men to women. Men can just lay back and put zero effort finding a woman, especially when they get older and start panicking about their biological clocks. I feel like even the most slovenly basement dweller can find a mate whereas plenty of attractive and successful women get left out.

[Anonymous]

I have ONE standard for women. That they not use "unpack" unless they are referring to a box or suitcase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking too much but you should reflect on why you're connecting with men who don't match that list. For example, in my experience, i was avoiding relationships with people who were available. I had to come to grips with why I was making bad choices which resulted in lack of intimacy instead of choosing men who were ready for intimacy. Don't know what your issue is, OP, but I would wonder if something similar is the case with you.

I suspect a lot has to do with the ratio of eligible men to women. Men can just lay back and put zero effort finding a woman, especially when they get older and start panicking about their biological clocks. I feel like even the most slovenly basement dweller can find a mate whereas plenty of attractive and successful women get left out.

Haha, how the tables turn

[Anonymous]

Your problem is that you waited until your 30’s. All the normal people are already in serious relationships/engaged/married. What’s left are the guys you describe. The basement dwellers nobody else wanted.

You missed the boat in your 20’s, now you’re stuck waiting the divorces start after age 40 or so. That’s when the pressure of work and young kids break a lot of marriages.

Good luck!