I have ONE standard for men. Am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are more than just “one thing” - that said, I agree all but the “freshly ironed shirt” thing are reasonable. Who cares about an ironed shirt...

FWIW I know very few (or perhaps none)- men who are like you describe. How bizarre!!

I could see a man lacking in one of these areas? My BIL, for example, is a gainfully employees engineer, pays his own bills, extremely nice and responsible guy. But he is a slob- his apartment- ugh. He dresses neatly and has good hygiene but is a casual guy..so the freshly ironed shirt I don’t know! Decent looking too.

I’m not sure if I’d be able to get past the gross apartment, myself, but based on this board (and from what I hear IRL) many men are this way. Maybe it is better if they are honest from day 1 vs pulling the bait and switch?

I agree.

OP this is a reasonable list (even if your "one thing" encompasses "multiple things").

The only thing I would watch out for is your tone. Now, I'll give the benefit of the doubt since what you say on an anonymous message board is probably not what you'd say in person on a date, but do you come across as purposefully evaluating men on these standards? Do you come off like you are going to ask for proof of employment and inspection of a clean room? Or do you go out on dates and have fun and let yourself click with a guy and judge his habits later. A man wants a date and a girlfriend, not a landlord.

[Anonymous]

For what it's worth, the cult leader and Demi-god for the basement dwellers, Jordan Peterson, tells them to "clean your room"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 80% of your “one” standard. Is he perfect? No. But guess what? Neither am I. OP please share what makes you such a prize!

Which ones does he not have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 80% of your “one” standard. Is he perfect? No. But guess what? Neither am I. OP please share what makes you such a prize!

Which ones does he not have?

From what I read, the standards were: A job, financial responsibility, hygiene, respect. I don't understand why anyone would marry someone who does not have those qualities.

Maybe there are gradations of the last two? Like being a neat freak versus not living in a biohazard zone. Being consistently punctual vs constantly flaking out. I don't understand why anyone should feel the need to lower one's standards to living with cockroaches and being flaked out on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are more than just “one thing” - that said, I agree all but the “freshly ironed shirt” thing are reasonable. Who cares about an ironed shirt...

FWIW I know very few (or perhaps none)- men who are like you describe. How bizarre!!

I could see a man lacking in one of these areas? My BIL, for example, is a gainfully employees engineer, pays his own bills, extremely nice and responsible guy. But he is a slob- his apartment- ugh. He dresses neatly and has good hygiene but is a casual guy..so the freshly ironed shirt I don’t know! Decent looking too.

I’m not sure if I’d be able to get past the gross apartment, myself, but based on this board (and from what I hear IRL) many men are this way. Maybe it is better if they are honest from day 1 vs pulling the bait and switch?

Actually, I do find OPs point on “freshly ironed shirt” to be important. It is a good indication of several things. A man who irons his shirt for a date, has likely made his bed too, and is showing he takes pride in his appearanc and his belongings and puts in the extra effort to present himself well. To me it also shows some level of discipline too, how much is hard to gauge, but for a first date, it would be a good sign for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

Where are you meeting these guys? Do you also dwell in basements? True story: when I was in my 20's, our friend group included a guy who lived in the basement of a group house. He actually had a good, high paying job, but he spent most of his non working hours in the basement. We told him he'd never meet a woman to marry in the basement. Guess what? Someone brought a woman over to hang out in the basement and they fell in love. She is a trust fund baby and he was able to quit his job and pursue his passion for art. 20 years later, they are doing well and still happily married. Moral: don't write off basement dwellers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are more than just “one thing” - that said, I agree all but the “freshly ironed shirt” thing are reasonable. Who cares about an ironed shirt...

FWIW I know very few (or perhaps none)- men who are like you describe. How bizarre!!

I could see a man lacking in one of these areas? My BIL, for example, is a gainfully employees engineer, pays his own bills, extremely nice and responsible guy. But he is a slob- his apartment- ugh. He dresses neatly and has good hygiene but is a casual guy..so the freshly ironed shirt I don’t know! Decent looking too.

I’m not sure if I’d be able to get past the gross apartment, myself, but based on this board (and from what I hear IRL) many men are this way. Maybe it is better if they are honest from day 1 vs pulling the bait and switch?

Actually, I do find OPs point on “freshly ironed shirt” to be important. It is a good indication of several things. A man who irons his shirt for a date, has likely made his bed too, and is showing he takes pride in his appearanc and his belongings and puts in the extra effort to present himself well. To me it also shows some level of discipline too, how much is hard to gauge, but for a first date, it would be a good sign for me.

+1 this.

Given the choice. I would rather date a guy who is a few pounds overweight, but washed up, ironed his shirt, put on some cologne that isn't Axe body spray, shows up on time, looks me in the eye and is genuinely interested and putting in effort to go out with me versus a chiseled buff hot guy who looks like he rolled out of bed, shows up 20 minutes late, constantly checks his phone, and appears disinterested or like I'm just a checked box of things to get him out of the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait for the one standard for women!

Hehe. The standard for women is easy. Be a WOMAN: hot, affectionate, sane, nice.

Not fat, no drama, love sex - not necessarily in that order.

+1

[Anonymous]

Those are really low bars. Where are you looking? A few places to find what you're looking for: at work, at church, at the gym.

[Anonymous]

OP. how do you meet so many gamer types that live at home? Are you around those people a lot? What is your job/circle like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

And what do you bring to the relationship? Nag, Nag, Nag?

I'm sure OP is..

.. well groomed
.. gainfully employed
.. keeps her place somewhat tidy
.. tries to be on time and not be flakey

I shared this post with my DH last night, and he said he didn't understand men who were like this, either.

Male here, how old is your DH? I look at most of these post about men and shake my head. I am close to 50 so I assume its age related. I never understood adults who were gamers. It doesn't take much effort to keep your house clean AND iron you clothes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are really low bars. Where are you looking? A few places to find what you're looking for: at work, at church, at the gym.

I'd avoid dating coworkers (unless you work at a huge company) but I think a good way to meet people is have your coworkers introduce you to their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. how do you meet so many gamer types that live at home? Are you around those people a lot? What is your job/circle like?

Truth is she does not meet many men. She is just bitching about some guy who dumped her.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if you are asking for too much, OP, but I do know that you aren't very good at counting. Hopefully the guys you meet aren't looking for the ONE quality of being able to count accurately!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Male here, how old is your DH? I look at most of these post about men and shake my head. I am close to 50 so I assume its age related. I never understood adults who were gamers. It doesn't take much effort to keep your house clean AND iron you clothes

Seriously. Or buy clothes that don't need ironing. I hate to iron shirts, I can't stand dry cleaning, so I don't buy clothes that need ironing because I won't do it.