I have ONE standard for men. Am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

m

Dang, you ask a lot

Only if you have a low bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracting losers? Please describe yourself.

Yeah. I mean OP this is a pretty basic list and I know many guys like that. If you're not attracting them,.the problem is you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not asking too much, OP. What you describe is a pathetically low bar.

this

This.

Don't compromise on these things OP.

[Anonymous]

These are more than just “one thing” - that said, I agree all but the “freshly ironed shirt” thing are reasonable. Who cares about an ironed shirt...

FWIW I know very few (or perhaps none)- men who are like you describe. How bizarre!!

I could see a man lacking in one of these areas? My BIL, for example, is a gainfully employees engineer, pays his own bills, extremely nice and responsible guy. But he is a slob- his apartment- ugh. He dresses neatly and has good hygiene but is a casual guy..so the freshly ironed shirt I don’t know! Decent looking too.

I’m not sure if I’d be able to get past the gross apartment, myself, but based on this board (and from what I hear IRL) many men are this way. Maybe it is better if they are honest from day 1 vs pulling the bait and switch?

[Anonymous]

No you are not asking too much and do not settle.

From happily marriage women,

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP that is terrible. Though, if you are looking for single never married guys 30-45, I'm not surprised. All the good ones in that age range are taken. You may have better luck with divorced single dads. I think this is just the reality of dating over 30

[Anonymous]

Just think of all the women who are totally fed up with husbands who never help out. Better you stay single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not asking too much, OP. What you describe is a pathetically low bar.

+1. Not sure why you can’t find anyone to fit the description.

[Anonymous]

OP, this list is the very minimum. I think you are being very reasonable. You should expect a man who has basic hygiene, pays his bills, keeps his residence clean and free of pests, is employed, and is respectful of other people. And doesn't live like a troll in a basement.

This is a fine list!!! Don't budge on these qualities in people. I give my friends passes on the clean environment, because: kids. But I wouldn't want to date somebody who couldn't keep their bathroom clean enough so that I didn't want to sit on the toilet when peeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are more than just “one thing” - that said, I agree all but the “freshly ironed shirt” thing are reasonable. Who cares about an ironed shirt...

FWIW I know very few (or perhaps none)- men who are like you describe. How bizarre!!

I could see a man lacking in one of these areas? My BIL, for example, is a gainfully employees engineer, pays his own bills, extremely nice and responsible guy. But he is a slob- his apartment- ugh. He dresses neatly and has good hygiene but is a casual guy..so the freshly ironed shirt I don’t know! Decent looking too.

I’m not sure if I’d be able to get past the gross apartment, myself, but based on this board (and from what I hear IRL) many men are this way. Maybe it is better if they are honest from day 1 vs pulling the bait and switch?

Well, that's a good point, because after you get married, and especially after the kids come along, their slovenly ways will become even more apparent. As the wife and mom, you will have to pick up after your kids and your husband.

I got married when I was in my earlyish 30s. My parents pressured me to get married a lot earlier (I come from a culture where 28 is considered over the hill for a woman). I was in no way going to rush to get married to a man/child. Both my sisters got married in their 20s to men who did not meet the basic low bar threshold, and my sisters suffered for it. One is now divorced, and the other is on anxiety meds and was hospitalized twice for anxiety. I saw it all unfold. No thank you.

OP - it's better to stay single than be married to a man who can't even meet the basic low bar threshold.

[Anonymous]

'A man wants one thing from many women, a women wants many things from one man.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

And what do you bring to the relationship? Nag, Nag, Nag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:'A man wants one thing from many women, a women wants many things from one man.'

ie, men have a low bar, and it shows. They are ok with being a man/child and as long as they get regularly sex, that's all they care about. I shouldn't say man/child; I should say man/jeuvenile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One standard: be an ADULT.

This means:

Have and keep a job. It doesn’t matter what it is. Blue collar, white collar, self employed. Just have a job.

Pay your own bills. You don’t need to pay mine, just yours.

Take some pride in your home residence. It doesn’t have to be a luxury condo or house. Even if you live with roommates to save money. Make your bed, do your dishes, and please don’t live in a basement with a room that only has a mattress on the floor, dirty clothes, an Xbox, and Dorito crumbs everywhere.

Take some pride in your appearance. It matters less to me if you are overweight, shorter than average, or how chiseled your bone structure is. Have good hygiene and don’t dress like a slob. I don’t care what you wear at home or just going about, but please iron a fresh shirt for our first date.

Treat others like adults. Take responsibility for your actions and respect people’s time and energy.

WHY is it that this is so hard to find? It seemed like all of the men around 30ish who aren’t already snatched up aren’t ADULTS. WHY does everyone who asks me out on a date a basement dwelling gamer??

And what do you bring to the relationship? Nag, Nag, Nag?

I'm sure OP is..

.. well groomed
.. gainfully employed
.. keeps her place somewhat tidy
.. tries to be on time and not be flakey

I shared this post with my DH last night, and he said he didn't understand men who were like this, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking too much but you should reflect on why you're connecting with men who don't match that list. For example, in my experience, i was avoiding relationships with people who were available. I had to come to grips with why I was making bad choices which resulted in lack of intimacy instead of choosing men who were ready for intimacy. Don't know what your issue is, OP, but I would wonder if something similar is the case with you.

+1

You're not asking too much but by the same token many, many men meet these standards. If the ones you're meeting don't, you're looking in the wrong places or overlooking the right guys.