Am I sensitive or was there ill-intent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many that push breastfeeding and no one really says its ok not to breast-feed. She is trying to help and be supportive. That's nice she got you some so if you don't pump baby does not go hungry. Worst case you don't use it.

+1 It is okay not to breastfeed. I think your MIL is wonderful for trying to be supportive and helpful. There is so much pressure on new moms and your MIL sounds like she is trying to be there for you without being in your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many that push breastfeeding and no one really says its ok not to breast-feed. She is trying to help and be supportive. That's nice she got you some so if you don't pump baby does not go hungry. Worst case you don't use it.

+1 It is okay not to breastfeed. I think your MIL is wonderful for trying to be supportive and helpful. There is so much pressure on new moms and your MIL sounds like she is trying to be there for you without being in your face.

So when you’re trying to teach your kid to tie his shoes and he’s struggling, and MIL comes by and drops off some Velcro shoes because it’s silly to stress over learning to tie a bow, you’ll be happy for her support? Velcro is just as good and a shod child is a happy child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many that push breastfeeding and no one really says its ok not to breast-feed. She is trying to help and be supportive. That's nice she got you some so if you don't pump baby does not go hungry. Worst case you don't use it.

+1 It is okay not to breastfeed. I think your MIL is wonderful for trying to be supportive and helpful. There is so much pressure on new moms and your MIL sounds like she is trying to be there for you without being in your face.

+1

She honestly sounds amazing. You are lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many that push breastfeeding and no one really says its ok not to breast-feed. She is trying to help and be supportive. That's nice she got you some so if you don't pump baby does not go hungry. Worst case you don't use it.

+1 It is okay not to breastfeed. I think your MIL is wonderful for trying to be supportive and helpful. There is so much pressure on new moms and your MIL sounds like she is trying to be there for you without being in your face.

So when you’re trying to teach your kid to tie his shoes and he’s struggling, and MIL comes by and drops off some Velcro shoes because it’s silly to stress over learning to tie a bow, you’ll be happy for her support? Velcro is just as good and a shod child is a happy child.

Get a grip, crazy. In your scenario that would also be fine, and you would simply not use the Velcro if you didn't want to.

Honestly, I sometimes wonder how any of you make it through your days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many that push breastfeeding and no one really says its ok not to breast-feed. She is trying to help and be supportive. That's nice she got you some so if you don't pump baby does not go hungry. Worst case you don't use it.

+1 It is okay not to breastfeed. I think your MIL is wonderful for trying to be supportive and helpful. There is so much pressure on new moms and your MIL sounds like she is trying to be there for you without being in your face.

Ha.. this statement is pretty ironic co side ring 90% of the posts on this thread are people telling OP not to breastfeed, or it’s okay not to breastfeed, or it’s not worth the struggle to breastfeed, and basically #formulafedisbest.

OP is not really receiving support for what it is that she wants to do, and what it is that she has chosen is the best choice for her family. She is allowed to change her mind, but in the fact e of trying to push through, constant nagging about how pointless her endeavours are is insensitive and absolutely not helping at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many that push breastfeeding and no one really says its ok not to breast-feed. She is trying to help and be supportive. That's nice she got you some so if you don't pump baby does not go hungry. Worst case you don't use it.

+1 It is okay not to breastfeed. I think your MIL is wonderful for trying to be supportive and helpful. There is so much pressure on new moms and your MIL sounds like she is trying to be there for you without being in your face.

Ha.. this statement is pretty ironic co side ring 90% of the posts on this thread are people telling OP not to breastfeed, or it’s okay not to breastfeed, or it’s not worth the struggle to breastfeed, and basically #formulafedisbest.

OP is not really receiving support for what it is that she wants to do, and what it is that she has chosen is the best choice for her family. She is allowed to change her mind, but in the fact e of trying to push through, constant nagging about how pointless her endeavours are is insensitive and absolutely not helping at all.

Yep. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many that push breastfeeding and no one really says its ok not to breast-feed. She is trying to help and be supportive. That's nice she got you some so if you don't pump baby does not go hungry. Worst case you don't use it.

+1 It is okay not to breastfeed. I think your MIL is wonderful for trying to be supportive and helpful. There is so much pressure on new moms and your MIL sounds like she is trying to be there for you without being in your face.

Ha.. this statement is pretty ironic co side ring 90% of the posts on this thread are people telling OP not to breastfeed, or it’s okay not to breastfeed, or it’s not worth the struggle to breastfeed, and basically #formulafedisbest.

OP is not really receiving support for what it is that she wants to do, and what it is that she has chosen is the best choice for her family. She is allowed to change her mind, but in the fact e of trying to push through, constant nagging about how pointless her endeavours are is insensitive and absolutely not helping at all.

Nobody deserves support for doing something that it harmful to themselves or their child (like entering into a massive struggle over breastfeeding.) They deserve support, full stop, but you can't expect everyone to buy into your delusion. If you're convinced that breastfeeding is working and worth the struggle, own it. But be sure you truly have thought it through.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is so so so minor in the scheme of things.

I’m not sure why the presence of formula can ruin your resolve to breast feed.

My child struggled with breast feeding and I with supply. Guess what? Formula helped us. Formula was useful for calming him down so he could work on latching without screaming.

Child rearing is about learning balance and perspective. Right now you have neither.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL would say to your MIL "Your heart is in the right place, but this is hurtful." She's a better person than I am because.....

I would say "F*$& YOU!"

I have not patience for the whole good-intentions-bad-delivery thing. YOU are recovering from childbirth---only 3 weeks ago! YOU are trying to adjust to this needy little newborn. YOU need support, emotionally and physically, not not have people openly questions and judging you, which is what your MIL is doing. There's a way to show support for a new mom struggling with BFing--that's so not what your MIL is doing.

Let's put aside, MIL and her ill-mannered self. Are you taking care of you? Have you been able to see a lactation consultant? Has baby been evaluated for various latch issues? Is someone around to quite literally support you--bringing you tons of water, healthy food, take baby off your hands so you can sleep or pump or take a shower? Do you need MIL around less? I know my MIL sets me on edge and I cannot imagine having her around constantly in those early days.

It is a good question, is this mom trying to go it alone? If so, she really ought to change that. ASAP.

Your first paragraph strikes me as a bit self-centered. I’ve had a child fail to thrive. I know what it feels like to have a cranky skinny baby who just can’t hold it together —you don’t want that. Sure, mom has been though a lot, but Me ME ME isn’t the right approach.

[Anonymous]

OP-If your MIL is adding stress to your days you need to kindly limit these visits. Whether she's for BF/formula doesn't matter-its inserting herself into your decisions and her sense that she knows better. There is so much going on in these first few weeks you don't need to be undermined. If your ped had any concerns about wright gain she would have told you at a weigh in. Your MIL is not respecting that you are aware of baby's needs and meeting them even if not with ease. BF-like most of parenting doesn't always play out in the rosy manner we envision. You have given yourself 6 weeks to try and you and your baby's progression decides-not others.

[Anonymous]

[

Anonymous wrote:My SIL would say to your MIL "Your heart is in the right place, but this is hurtful." She's a better person than I am because.....

I would say "F*$& YOU!"

I have not patience for the whole good-intentions-bad-delivery thing. YOU are recovering from childbirth---only 3 weeks ago! YOU are trying to adjust to this needy little newborn. YOU need support, emotionally and physically, not not have people openly questions and judging you, which is what your MIL is doing. There's a way to show support for a new mom struggling with BFing--that's so not what your MIL is doing.

Let's put aside, MIL and her ill-mannered self. Are you taking care of you? Have you been able to see a lactation consultant? Has baby been evaluated for various latch issues? Is someone around to quite literally support you--bringing you tons of water, healthy food, take baby off your hands so you can sleep or pump or take a shower? Do you need MIL around less? I know my MIL sets me on edge and I cannot imagine having her around constantly in those early days.

You sound like a lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently breastfeeding but we are struggling. I’m choosing to stick with it three more weeks until baby is 6 weeks old. Baby has some latching issues we are working on but I’m pretty much exclusively pumping at this point. My MIL has been present during and is aware of the struggles, and she’s been pretty vocal about how she feels BFing isn’t necessary, baby will be fine if I choose to switch to formula, etc. She didn’t BF. She showed up to visit yesterday and before she left she pulled out a tub of formula. She have it to me and told me basically, here’s this, one day you might get desperate, and you’ll have it. I’m pretty pissed off about the whole thing. DH says to ignore it, she’s just trying to help. I feel she’s trying to insert herself and thinks she’s right. Before I proceed, am I just being sensitive?

OP, I mean this kindly. Your MIL, having raised a child, has a longer perspective on things and has realized by now that the way you feed a newborn is just not that important as long as they get fed. She probably sees you struggle and suffer, and in her own way, is telling you that it doesn't have to be that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster above.

I disagree with others saying you ate being “too” sensitive. It is a sensitive time for many good reasons. Others atound you should be extra-sensitive too!

I don’t blame you for your feelings, though I too think you just have to push them outof your focus.

Disagree. I think OP needs to interrogate her feelings, and ask why she is having this reaction over a simple act that she's going to be repeating over and over again for 18 years: feeding her child. There is NO reason that feeding a child EVER needs to be a "struggle." Zero reason. OP needs to ask herself on what basis she is CHOSING to engage in this self-described struggle to feed her child. What information, ideals, and values are driving her to chose to struggle, when there are other options that are perfectly fine (formula)? What's the cost/benefit?

You're being incredibly simplistic and dismissive here, and portraying significantly more ill-intent than OP's MIL. Feeding a newborn is profoundly fraught, breastfeeding is portrayed as not only healthy ("gold standard") and natural, but formula feeding is portrayed as selfish, ignorant, and a failure on the mom's part (to either understand the wonders of BF or to have a "perfectly natural!" body that creates enough milk to keep a baby alive and thriving). Add in huge hormone swings, sleep deprivation, and recovery from any form of childbirth, and your insistence that this is a simple act that no one should ever struggle with is, well, stupid.

Also the word you're looking for is "choose/choosing."

You seem to be missing the point. Feeding a newborn should NOT be "profoundly fraught.' No more than feeding your child at any other point in their lives. You feed the baby. If breastfeeding doesn't work and is a self-described "struggle," then you need to think about why this basic parenting act (feeding) has become so hard.

Sometimes feeding a newborn just *is* fraught, regardless of your chosen feeding method. My first was easy to feed, but my second was a LBW preemie and it was so difficult to get him to eat anything, and we tried formula/nursing/pumped breast milk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently breastfeeding but we are struggling. I’m choosing to stick with it three more weeks until baby is 6 weeks old. Baby has some latching issues we are working on but I’m pretty much exclusively pumping at this point. My MIL has been present during and is aware of the struggles, and she’s been pretty vocal about how she feels BFing isn’t necessary, baby will be fine if I choose to switch to formula, etc. She didn’t BF. She showed up to visit yesterday and before she left she pulled out a tub of formula. She have it to me and told me basically, here’s this, one day you might get desperate, and you’ll have it. I’m pretty pissed off about the whole thing. DH says to ignore it, she’s just trying to help. I feel she’s trying to insert herself and thinks she’s right. Before I proceed, am I just being sensitive?

Fed is best. Stop being a martyr.

She’s really not being a martyr. She is choosing to try BF for three more weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently breastfeeding but we are struggling. I’m choosing to stick with it three more weeks until baby is 6 weeks old. Baby has some latching issues we are working on but I’m pretty much exclusively pumping at this point. My MIL has been present during and is aware of the struggles, and she’s been pretty vocal about how she feels BFing isn’t necessary, baby will be fine if I choose to switch to formula, etc. She didn’t BF. She showed up to visit yesterday and before she left she pulled out a tub of formula. She have it to me and told me basically, here’s this, one day you might get desperate, and you’ll have it. I’m pretty pissed off about the whole thing. DH says to ignore it, she’s just trying to help. I feel she’s trying to insert herself and thinks she’s right. Before I proceed, am I just being sensitive?

OP, I mean this kindly. Your MIL, having raised a child, has a longer perspective on things and has realized by now that the way you feed a newborn is just not that important as long as they get fed. She probably sees you struggle and suffer, and in her own way, is telling you that it doesn't have to be that hard.

Her MIL is not a font of wisdom. She raised a baby at a time when people thought breastfeeding was unseemly. She doesn’t know jacksh$t about it.