Am I sensitive or was there ill-intent?

[Anonymous]

Why are you pissed? She sounds like she's trying to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not being supportive. Op has stated that she wants to breastfeed and mil is disparaging her and bringing unasked for formula into OP" s house.

There are some future nightmare MILs in this thread!

Really it's absurd. Breastfeeding is not easy and having a MIL bring formula does not help. The poster who mentioned "failure to thrive" and infant mortality is using scare tactics to discourage breastfeeding. There are so many doctor appts. with a newborn that it won't get to that point. Obviously if the baby is not growing it is in fact time to switch to formula.

I think you are being a bit ridiculous. MIL could just be gently suggesting that it’s ok to top off with formula. In the beginning my baby would cry and want to be attached to the boob constantly until I gave an ounce of two of formula and then would go right to sleep and knock out for awhile and give me a break. I went on to EBF but formula was a godsend in the early days especially with my second because I still wanted to spend time with my first. Introducing some emergency formula does not equal omg stop breastfeeding now.

I don’t understand this all or nothing mentality.

The all or nothing mentality comes from the latching problems. The concern is that if a baby hasn’t gotten BF worked out yet, getting used to a simple flowing possible can lead to the baby giving up on BF.

Ok but the baby has to eat, and breastfeeding unsuccessfully is a lot of word and calories expended. It’s fine to give it a go and maybe set an amount of time to let the baby nurse for but if it’s crying and crying for hours there is nothing wrong with topping up! Both of mine had horrible shallow patches, just kept working at it and supplementing until they were stronger / had figured it out. It seems like people have way more issues getting a baby to take a bottle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not being supportive. Op has stated that she wants to breastfeed and mil is disparaging her and bringing unasked for formula into OP" s house.

There are some future nightmare MILs in this thread!

Really it's absurd. Breastfeeding is not easy and having a MIL bring formula does not help. The poster who mentioned "failure to thrive" and infant mortality is using scare tactics to discourage breastfeeding. There are so many doctor appts. with a newborn that it won't get to that point. Obviously if the baby is not growing it is in fact time to switch to formula.

I think you are being a bit ridiculous. MIL could just be gently suggesting that it’s ok to top off with formula. In the beginning my baby would cry and want to be attached to the boob constantly until I gave an ounce of two of formula and then would go right to sleep and knock out for awhile and give me a break. I went on to EBF but formula was a godsend in the early days especially with my second because I still wanted to spend time with my first. Introducing some emergency formula does not equal omg stop breastfeeding now.

I don’t understand this all or nothing mentality.

The all or nothing mentality comes from the latching problems. The concern is that if a baby hasn’t gotten BF worked out yet, getting used to a simple flowing possible can lead to the baby giving up on BF.

Ok but the baby has to eat, and breastfeeding unsuccessfully is a lot of word and calories expended. It’s fine to give it a go and maybe set an amount of time to let the baby nurse for but if it’s crying and crying for hours there is nothing wrong with topping up! Both of mine had horrible shallow patches, just kept working at it and supplementing until they were stronger / had figured it out. It seems like people have way more issues getting a baby to take a bottle

Yes, but OP’s doctors and lactation consultant, not MIL (who has no experience with breastfeeding), can help her figure that out.

[Anonymous]

Yes. You are being too sensitive. My MIL told my infant son that he was not going to grow properly since his mom failed at breastfeeding (in front of me). Now that was I’ll intent. I woukd have lived for her to either shut up or bring me some formula.

Op, you are likely barely sleeping. An infant is hard, and an infant with trouble breastfeeding is exhausting. Between the stress and lack of sleep, you are going to feel very sensitive to a lot of things. Also, over time you need to grow thicker skin. Because people will tell you that you are doing things wrong all the time. Friends, family, and even strangers. I had a homeless guy scold me for walking with my son in a stroller on a cold day. You will drive yourself insane if you let it get to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not being supportive. Op has stated that she wants to breastfeed and mil is disparaging her and bringing unasked for formula into OP" s house.

There are some future nightmare MILs in this thread!

I think the nightmare ones are going to be the rigid ones screeching about how the MIL here is horrible and wrong. A little mental flexibility is a good thing.

The nightmare MIL should have been flexible enough to be supportive of OP's choice to breastfeed her OWN child, but instead-was disparaging and brought in unasked for formula. Guess what? MIL was horrible and wrong, and OP is right to feel as she does!

You say the MIL was "disparaging." This is from OP: "she’s been pretty vocal about how she feels BFing isn’t necessary, baby will be fine if I choose to switch to formula, etc"

That is not "disparaging." That is fact. Breastfeeding isn't necessary. The baby will be fine if she switches to formula.

.

It is actually, disparaging. The OP made clear that she wants to breastfeed her baby, and that is her decision. MIL is chirping away and bringing in unasked for formula, as the OP is breastfeeding her child.

It's not. You are too brittle.

You are naive. Or, you are a future nightmare MIL. I hope it's the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not being supportive. Op has stated that she wants to breastfeed and mil is disparaging her and bringing unasked for formula into OP" s house.

There are some future nightmare MILs in this thread!

I think the nightmare ones are going to be the rigid ones screeching about how the MIL here is horrible and wrong. A little mental flexibility is a good thing.

The nightmare MIL should have been flexible enough to be supportive of OP's choice to breastfeed her OWN child, but instead-was disparaging and brought in unasked for formula. Guess what? MIL was horrible and wrong, and OP is right to feel as she does!

You say the MIL was "disparaging." This is from OP: "she’s been pretty vocal about how she feels BFing isn’t necessary, baby will be fine if I choose to switch to formula, etc"

That is not "disparaging." That is fact. Breastfeeding isn't necessary. The baby will be fine if she switches to formula.

.

It is actually, disparaging. The OP made clear that she wants to breastfeed her baby, and that is her decision. MIL is chirping away and bringing in unasked for formula, as the OP is breastfeeding her child.

It's not. You are too brittle.

You are naive. Or, you are a future nightmare MIL. I hope it's the former.

You sound tiring. It must be so exhausting to see ill intent everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Dude, get over it. You’re really pissed about this? She is trying to be helpful. Your issues don’t give you license to be a jerk to everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently breastfeeding but we are struggling. I’m choosing to stick with it three more weeks until baby is 6 weeks old. Baby has some latching issues we are working on but I’m pretty much exclusively pumping at this point. My MIL has been present during and is aware of the struggles, and she’s been pretty vocal about how she feels BFing isn’t necessary, baby will be fine if I choose to switch to formula, etc. She didn’t BF. She showed up to visit yesterday and before she left she pulled out a tub of formula. She have it to me and told me basically, here’s this, one day you might get desperate, and you’ll have it. I’m pretty pissed off about the whole thing. DH says to ignore it, she’s just trying to help. I feel she’s trying to insert herself and thinks she’s right. Before I proceed, am I just being sensitive?

OP - I BF and was not prepared for hard and time consuming it was with my first. I needed support and a champion on my side to encourage me to keep at it. My mom was not that person. She kept on with the comments about not getting enough, doing it too much, too little, not being covered up and on and on..... fortunately everything settled out and I was successful. With my second my milk wasnt coming in, she wasnt latching and constantly crying - both of us. My sister calmly talked to me and said it's ok if its not going as planned. Keep at it and I know it will work itself out. in the mean time you baby is hungry, start with just one bottle to take the edge off her and you and then put her to breast. I felt like a complete failure but caved after several more unsuccessful feedings. It did help. I didn;t want it to, but baby finally felt full and I could relax and try feeding without all the chaos. After that BF was successful. Take the formula and say thank you and put it in the cabinet in case of emergency. Try not to take it personally. My mom did not BF and couldn;t even imagine doing it and was always making comments about formula. My MIL BF, was super encouraging and never said a single word to me about formula. I think there is this pressure and stigma around BF or formula and which camp you fall into even as far back as our parents. it's weird but I really do like the saying "Feed is best". Do what you what is best for you and your babies. take any advice with a grain of salt and think maybe that they got garbage about their choices and they are unconsciously paying it forward with their comments.

[Anonymous]

Fed is best. Get off your high horse.

[Anonymous]

Update, OP?