Am I sensitive or was there ill-intent?

[Anonymous]

If this wasn’t about breastfeeding, everyone would be telling you how awful your MIL is.
That being said, this isn’t really a pro breastfeeding board, so you’re going to get a lot of “you’re too sensitive”.

Even if out of concern, your MIL was out of line, and has been out of line. You’re already struggling, and she’s kicking you around even more with her views.

Keep on doing what is best for you and your family. It’s hard when you're struggling and don’t have the support of people who are important in your life. While she may be trying to come from a helpful place, there is nothing wrong with telling her that she is not being helpful.

There were a million ways she could have given your family that formula gently, but she didn’t.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster above.

I disagree with others saying you ate being “too” sensitive. It is a sensitive time for many good reasons. Others atound you should be extra-sensitive too!

I don’t blame you for your feelings, though I too think you just have to push them outof your focus.

Disagree. I think OP needs to interrogate her feelings, and ask why she is having this reaction over a simple act that she's going to be repeating over and over again for 18 years: feeding her child. There is NO reason that feeding a child EVER needs to be a "struggle." Zero reason. OP needs to ask herself on what basis she is CHOSING to engage in this self-described struggle to feed her child. What information, ideals, and values are driving her to chose to struggle, when there are other options that are perfectly fine (formula)? What's the cost/benefit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this wasn’t about breastfeeding, everyone would be telling you how awful your MIL is.
That being said, this isn’t really a pro breastfeeding board, so you’re going to get a lot of “you’re too sensitive”.

Even if out of concern, your MIL was out of line, and has been out of line. You’re already struggling, and she’s kicking you around even more with her views.

Keep on doing what is best for you and your family. It’s hard when you're struggling and don’t have the support of people who are important in your life. While she may be trying to come from a helpful place, there is nothing wrong with telling her that she is not being helpful.

There were a million ways she could have given your family that formula gently, but she didn’t.

Good luck.

What? No. It's the fact that it's breastfeeding that makes the whole interaction weird, not the other way around. If the MIL had dropped off any other kind of baby supply it wouldn't have been a big deal.

[Anonymous]

She’s trying to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being sensitive -- in her own way she's trying to say it's okay if breastfeeding doesn't work for you. She recognizes you are struggling and is trying to be supportive.

Not worth making a big deal out of it.

+100.

I breastfed both my babies and I always had formula in the closet. I didn't want to be at my wit's end at 3am and not have a back up plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster above.

I disagree with others saying you ate being “too” sensitive. It is a sensitive time for many good reasons. Others atound you should be extra-sensitive too!

I don’t blame you for your feelings, though I too think you just have to push them outof your focus.

Disagree. I think OP needs to interrogate her feelings, and ask why she is having this reaction over a simple act that she's going to be repeating over and over again for 18 years: feeding her child. There is NO reason that feeding a child EVER needs to be a "struggle." Zero reason. OP needs to ask herself on what basis she is CHOSING to engage in this self-described struggle to feed her child. What information, ideals, and values are driving her to chose to struggle, when there are other options that are perfectly fine (formula)? What's the cost/benefit?

You're being incredibly simplistic and dismissive here, and portraying significantly more ill-intent than OP's MIL. Feeding a newborn is profoundly fraught, breastfeeding is portrayed as not only healthy ("gold standard") and natural, but formula feeding is portrayed as selfish, ignorant, and a failure on the mom's part (to either understand the wonders of BF or to have a "perfectly natural!" body that creates enough milk to keep a baby alive and thriving). Add in huge hormone swings, sleep deprivation, and recovery from any form of childbirth, and your insistence that this is a simple act that no one should ever struggle with is, well, stupid.

Also the word you're looking for is "choose/choosing."

[Anonymous]

My SIL would say to your MIL "Your heart is in the right place, but this is hurtful." She's a better person than I am because.....

I would say "F*$& YOU!"

I have not patience for the whole good-intentions-bad-delivery thing. YOU are recovering from childbirth---only 3 weeks ago! YOU are trying to adjust to this needy little newborn. YOU need support, emotionally and physically, not not have people openly questions and judging you, which is what your MIL is doing. There's a way to show support for a new mom struggling with BFing--that's so not what your MIL is doing.

Let's put aside, MIL and her ill-mannered self. Are you taking care of you? Have you been able to see a lactation consultant? Has baby been evaluated for various latch issues? Is someone around to quite literally support you--bringing you tons of water, healthy food, take baby off your hands so you can sleep or pump or take a shower? Do you need MIL around less? I know my MIL sets me on edge and I cannot imagine having her around constantly in those early days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poster above.

I disagree with others saying you ate being “too” sensitive. It is a sensitive time for many good reasons. Others atound you should be extra-sensitive too!

I don’t blame you for your feelings, though I too think you just have to push them outof your focus.

Disagree. I think OP needs to interrogate her feelings, and ask why she is having this reaction over a simple act that she's going to be repeating over and over again for 18 years: feeding her child. There is NO reason that feeding a child EVER needs to be a "struggle." Zero reason. OP needs to ask herself on what basis she is CHOSING to engage in this self-described struggle to feed her child. What information, ideals, and values are driving her to chose to struggle, when there are other options that are perfectly fine (formula)? What's the cost/benefit?

What a load of crap. The baby is 3 weeks old and it’s 2 big things in life are sleeping and eating. She has been preparing for this stage for months, but has little control over all plays out. It’s a tricky time, and OP is surely running on fumes.

This stage has nothing to do with the future of feeding her child from 6 months on.

OP, again, don’t worry about all the judgment you’ll find here. Get advice from the Breastfeeding Center of Washington if you are in the area, and otherwise get a good lactation consultant. You deserve support in this process.

[Anonymous]

You are being understandably sensitive. But as an outsider with kids beyond that stage, I can also imagine MIL's point of view. You are putting a lot of effort into something she chose not to do, or was unable to do. She might be feeling self-conscious, or even have feelings of regret and guilt. Giving you formula might be a away to push those feeling aside. On the other hand, maybe she has no regrets about not breastfeeding and hopes that she could help you feel better about a possible scenario in which you switch to formula. In either case, it's about her, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you’re being sensitive and hormonal but your response is also entirely normal. Be kind to yourself. It’s a tough time.

+1, You are overly sensitive but she is super presumptuous. It is for you and DH to decide when you will supplement and with which product not your MIL.

[Anonymous]

- handing you formula *once* and stating "just in case ... so you'll have it" is not outrageous. Not nice, not her place, but not worth you holding a grudge.
- you could choose to never have her present when you're breastfeeding. There is no reason she should know these details of your breastfeeding. This is you telling her. You could choose to keep your breastfeeding private and all information about your breastfeeding private

[Anonymous]

You are being sensitive OP.

[Anonymous]

She's being kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- handing you formula *once* and stating "just in case ... so you'll have it" is not outrageous. Not nice, not her place, but not worth you holding a grudge.
- you could choose to never have her present when you're breastfeeding. There is no reason she should know these details of your breastfeeding. This is you telling her. You could choose to keep your breastfeeding private and all information about your breastfeeding private

How is that not nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being sensitive -- in her own way she's trying to say it's okay if breastfeeding doesn't work for you. She recognizes you are struggling and is trying to be supportive.

Not worth making a big deal out of it.

This. And I had terrible struggles with #1 and success with #2. Both are amazing kids. In the end, formula or breastmilk didn’t seem to matter.