Made a bad decision about going back to work and regretting it.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for posting this. I may be you in a few years. I have three kids, am a SAHM with a full life and a high earning husband. I often wonder if and when I should go back to work. I am highly educated and used to have a successful career before deciding to stay home full time.

If I were you, I would quit and focus on the kids before they leave for college. That’s just me. I have heard from others that teenagers need you the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. I may be you in a few years. I have three kids, am a SAHM with a full life and a high earning husband. I often wonder if and when I should go back to work. I am highly educated and used to have a successful career before deciding to stay home full time.

If I were you, I would quit and focus on the kids before they leave for college. That’s just me. I have heard from others that teenagers need you the most.

Yes teenagers who are in school from 8 am until 3, then in sports and clubs till 6, can drive themselves and take the bus, need you to be home ALL DAY.

That saying is about being in their lives in a mental way, and checking in thoughtfully every day. Using it as justification to SAH is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. I may be you in a few years. I have three kids, am a SAHM with a full life and a high earning husband. I often wonder if and when I should go back to work. I am highly educated and used to have a successful career before deciding to stay home full time.

If I were you, I would quit and focus on the kids before they leave for college. That’s just me. I have heard from others that teenagers need you the most.

Yes teenagers who are in school from 8 am until 3, then in sports and clubs till 6, can drive themselves and take the bus, need you to be home ALL DAY.

That saying is about being in their lives in a mental way, and checking in thoughtfully every day. Using it as justification to SAH is absurd.

DP. I've been a SAHM for nearly 20 years, will one or two more years more at home really matter in terms of my job prospects? I think not.

This thread has made me sure of three things 1) I will continue to SAH until my youngest has graduated HS (just a couple of years) 2) I need to work on updating my skills NOW 3) When I do return to the workforce I am going to ask my new boss to please not mention right away that I am a former SAHM....let me show everyone (including myself!) that I can do the work first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

Wow, you all sound super jealous and mean spirited. OP acknowledged she is in a privileged position but was seeking advice from a personal and perhaps future job perspective.

OP - I like the advice that some others gave - stick it out for a year, then move on.

Sorry, but Op is pretty tone death to complain with such hyperbole about a normal office job and commute in a forum with a lot of working parents who don’t have the luxury of being a kept woman.

She is welcome to post for career advice on navigating to a part time job or a field she is interested in, but the gnashing of teeth and wistfully hanging with her teens makes it sound like she works in a mine with no weekends.

There are all kinds of people who post on here. This is her life, and she is asking for advice. If you don't like sharing a forum with super privileged people, maybe you should find a different forum.

No, I am not OP, but I am also super privileged in that I have been wfh for the past several years, earning six figures. But this gig is probably going to come to an end in a few years, and I am going to have to find a "real" job in the "real" world, get up early and commute an hour like most everyone else. I am not looking forward to it. My kids will be older HS by then, and I might come on here looking for advice much like OP.

If someone posted a thread about how they were struggling with their job, commute, balancing work/life, then OP came on here with her problems, then I could see how she is tone deaf to complain. But OP didn't do that. She started her own thread. You can choose not to engage and post on a thread about a problem that you can't possibly fathom. It's like if someone posted on here about buying a LV bag vs MK bag, and some poor person came on saying how tone deaf these folks were to be discussing these options while they were struggling with medical bills. As sympathetic as I would be to that poor person, I would say to that person you don't need to read and post every thread topic.

People can post about the mundane things about their lives to their first world problems on this forum. I skip the ones that I find mundane or about LV vs MK bags because I don't buy expensive bags, and personally, I find it a waste of money. But, to each her own, especially on what mundane ridiculous first world problems they want to post about. Not sure who made you the forum police. This forum already has a moderator, and I'm pretty sure you are not that person.


And the "kept woman" remark also indicates that you are bitter and jealous. I'm sorry your life sucks, and I get you are taking your frustrations about your life out on an anonymous forum to some anonymous person who has a better life than you. I hope your life gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. I may be you in a few years. I have three kids, am a SAHM with a full life and a high earning husband. I often wonder if and when I should go back to work. I am highly educated and used to have a successful career before deciding to stay home full time.

If I were you, I would quit and focus on the kids before they leave for college. That’s just me. I have heard from others that teenagers need you the most.

Yes teenagers who are in school from 8 am until 3, then in sports and clubs till 6, can drive themselves and take the bus, need you to be home ALL DAY.

That saying is about being in their lives in a mental way, and checking in thoughtfully every day. Using it as justification to SAH is absurd.

DP. I've been a SAHM for nearly 20 years, will one or two more years more at home really matter in terms of my job prospects? I think not.

This thread has made me sure of three things 1) I will continue to SAH until my youngest has graduated HS (just a couple of years) 2) I need to work on updating my skills NOW 3) When I do return to the workforce I am going to ask my new boss to please not mention right away that I am a former SAHM....let me show everyone (including myself!) that I can do the work first

No, but you do want to take that bite when a good opportunity comes along. After being a sahm for 20 yrs your choices will be very limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. I may be you in a few years. I have three kids, am a SAHM with a full life and a high earning husband. I often wonder if and when I should go back to work. I am highly educated and used to have a successful career before deciding to stay home full time.

If I were you, I would quit and focus on the kids before they leave for college. That’s just me. I have heard from others that teenagers need you the most.

Yes teenagers who are in school from 8 am until 3, then in sports and clubs till 6, can drive themselves and take the bus, need you to be home ALL DAY.

That saying is about being in their lives in a mental way, and checking in thoughtfully every day. Using it as justification to SAH is absurd.

DP. I've been a SAHM for nearly 20 years, will one or two more years more at home really matter in terms of my job prospects? I think not.

This thread has made me sure of three things 1) I will continue to SAH until my youngest has graduated HS (just a couple of years) 2) I need to work on updating my skills NOW 3) When I do return to the workforce I am going to ask my new boss to please not mention right away that I am a former SAHM....let me show everyone (including myself!) that I can do the work first

No, but you do want to take that bite when a good opportunity comes along. After being a sahm for 20 yrs your choices will be very limited.

Yes, I am very aware of that my options will be limited because I've been away from work for so long. To top it off, I'll be 55 when I start looking for work. I'll take whatever I can get, stick with it for at least a year and see where it takes me.

Back when I was working one of my first full time jobs we had an older lady who was getting back to work after having stayed home to raise her children. I remember how old she seemed compared to the rest of us working in that department, but she did really well, was very reliable and she was really sweet - sort of like our office mom.

I also worked with a couple of women who returned to work after SAH with their kids for 5+ years. They were both awesome to work with. The director of that department had been a SAHM herself at one point and when I decided to leave work to SAH with my kids she was amazingly supportive of my decision to do so. Great lady.

So I do know that it's possible to find work after being a SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

Wow, you all sound super jealous and mean spirited. OP acknowledged she is in a privileged position but was seeking advice from a personal and perhaps future job perspective.

OP - I like the advice that some others gave - stick it out for a year, then move on.

Sorry, but Op is pretty tone death to complain with such hyperbole about a normal office job and commute in a forum with a lot of working parents who don’t have the luxury of being a kept woman.

She is welcome to post for career advice on navigating to a part time job or a field she is interested in, but the gnashing of teeth and wistfully hanging with her teens makes it sound like she works in a mine with no weekends.

There are all kinds of people who post on here. This is her life, and she is asking for advice. If you don't like sharing a forum with super privileged people, maybe you should find a different forum.

No, I am not OP, but I am also super privileged in that I have been wfh for the past several years, earning six figures. But this gig is probably going to come to an end in a few years, and I am going to have to find a "real" job in the "real" world, get up early and commute an hour like most everyone else. I am not looking forward to it. My kids will be older HS by then, and I might come on here looking for advice much like OP.

If someone posted a thread about how they were struggling with their job, commute, balancing work/life, then OP came on here with her problems, then I could see how she is tone deaf to complain. But OP didn't do that. She started her own thread. You can choose not to engage and post on a thread about a problem that you can't possibly fathom. It's like if someone posted on here about buying a LV bag vs MK bag, and some poor person came on saying how tone deaf these folks were to be discussing these options while they were struggling with medical bills. As sympathetic as I would be to that poor person, I would say to that person you don't need to read and post every thread topic.

People can post about the mundane things about their lives to their first world problems on this forum. I skip the ones that I find mundane or about LV vs MK bags because I don't buy expensive bags, and personally, I find it a waste of money. But, to each her own, especially on what mundane ridiculous first world problems they want to post about. Not sure who made you the forum police. This forum already has a moderator, and I'm pretty sure you are not that person.


And the "kept woman" remark also indicates that you are bitter and jealous. I'm sorry your life sucks, and I get you are taking your frustrations about your life out on an anonymous forum to some anonymous person who has a better life than you. I hope your life gets better.

PP here. Omg. I love the handbag threads. Yes I ridicule them too, even more fun.

It’s okay, we actually have pretty sweet lives, but we do both work and I have many colleagues who don’t have our fortunate situation (longer commutes that affect their health, hostile bosses, etc) and hence why OP needs to chill the F out have perspective and gratitude.

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

Sorry if ‘kept’ is some kind of trigger word for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. I may be you in a few years. I have three kids, am a SAHM with a full life and a high earning husband. I often wonder if and when I should go back to work. I am highly educated and used to have a successful career before deciding to stay home full time.

If I were you, I would quit and focus on the kids before they leave for college. That’s just me. I have heard from others that teenagers need you the most.

Yes teenagers who are in school from 8 am until 3, then in sports and clubs till 6, can drive themselves and take the bus, need you to be home ALL DAY.

That saying is about being in their lives in a mental way, and checking in thoughtfully every day. Using it as justification to SAH is absurd.

Sweetie, no one needs to justify anything to SAH. You need to be able to "AFFORD" to SAH. If you cannot afford to SAH, you need to work to earn a living.

The highly educated and wealthy SAHMs who can spend time with their children (young, school aged, pre-teens, teens and high-schoolers) and are doing a good job with parenting (not necessarily cleaning the house and doing laundry), have the opportunity to create a stress-free and enriching home environment for their entire family and themselves. They have a better standard of living and more time with their families. If they so choose, they can contribute to their community by volunteering (school, church) and enrich the lives of everyone. If they are exercising and are healthy, they continue to be active and useful, to their families and to their community.

If working at your job makes you very happy and you cannot wait to go to office on Monday, by all means go for it. Hopefully, you don't love your job so much that you hate the weekends and vacations.

Now, if you are a wealthy, educated, secure SAHM and love your job, then you are a lucky person because a lot of stars aligned.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

Wow, you all sound super jealous and mean spirited. OP acknowledged she is in a privileged position but was seeking advice from a personal and perhaps future job perspective.

OP - I like the advice that some others gave - stick it out for a year, then move on.

Sorry, but Op is pretty tone death to complain with such hyperbole about a normal office job and commute in a forum with a lot of working parents who don’t have the luxury of being a kept woman.

She is welcome to post for career advice on navigating to a part time job or a field she is interested in, but the gnashing of teeth and wistfully hanging with her teens makes it sound like she works in a mine with no weekends.

There are all kinds of people who post on here. This is her life, and she is asking for advice. If you don't like sharing a forum with super privileged people, maybe you should find a different forum.

No, I am not OP, but I am also super privileged in that I have been wfh for the past several years, earning six figures. But this gig is probably going to come to an end in a few years, and I am going to have to find a "real" job in the "real" world, get up early and commute an hour like most everyone else. I am not looking forward to it. My kids will be older HS by then, and I might come on here looking for advice much like OP.

If someone posted a thread about how they were struggling with their job, commute, balancing work/life, then OP came on here with her problems, then I could see how she is tone deaf to complain. But OP didn't do that. She started her own thread. You can choose not to engage and post on a thread about a problem that you can't possibly fathom. It's like if someone posted on here about buying a LV bag vs MK bag, and some poor person came on saying how tone deaf these folks were to be discussing these options while they were struggling with medical bills. As sympathetic as I would be to that poor person, I would say to that person you don't need to read and post every thread topic.

People can post about the mundane things about their lives to their first world problems on this forum. I skip the ones that I find mundane or about LV vs MK bags because I don't buy expensive bags, and personally, I find it a waste of money. But, to each her own, especially on what mundane ridiculous first world problems they want to post about. Not sure who made you the forum police. This forum already has a moderator, and I'm pretty sure you are not that person.


And the "kept woman" remark also indicates that you are bitter and jealous. I'm sorry your life sucks, and I get you are taking your frustrations about your life out on an anonymous forum to some anonymous person who has a better life than you. I hope your life gets better.

+ a million
Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

Already gave notice? Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

[Anonymous]

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

WTF?

Kids in college, DH working and providing all the cash she needs for hobbies, volunteering, yoga and lunch. What is confusing about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

WTF?

Kids in college, DH working and providing all the cash she needs for hobbies, volunteering, yoga and lunch. What is confusing about that?

Op is probably taking care of errands, most of the cooking, much of the cleaning and yard work. Even if she has a housekeeper and yard service (I do not) there are things that have to get done in between.

When her husband gets home from work he doesn't have to worry about what's for dinner or whether or not the dry cleaning needs to be picked up. All those little million and one things are taken care of so his life is made much easier, too. Sometimes it's worth doing w/o the extra income from a second earner, sometimes it's not. That's something that Op has to decide for herself.