Teen son talk about sex - some somewhat surprising info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is what I hear from my DS who has been in both pubic and private similar to your DS and he reports the same behavior at both a FCPS high school and a MD private. He has been having sex with his few girlfriends (as in monogamous relationship) for several years and had one period of casual sex as you describe as well (we tried to discourage that). He is a rising senior. Girls are far more open to it than back when I was in school and oral sex seems definitely more prevalent today - with condoms for boys. DD on the other hand held off until college and has had only 1 boyfriend/partner thus far. It still runs the gamut but I'm not sure I believe the stats that it's less prevalent than back in the day.

Are you saying they regularly wear condoms while getting BJs? That surprises me, please confirm.

DP

Also wondering the same. Also find that surprising.

[Anonymous]

Pp - I think they are - I know my son told me someone got a nasty infection in their mouth and he said “he should’ve worn a condom” my son is sexually active so I’m assuming that’s what they’re doing now - which is a good thing!

[Anonymous]

In my 40s and went to DC private high school. Was the same then. I think people who are getting all upset about it being different just weren’t around the crowd that was drinking and hooking up. This is just not that different. It’s not porn. It’s being a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 40s and went to DC private high school. Was the same then. I think people who are getting all upset about it being different just weren’t around the crowd that was drinking and hooking up. This is just not that different. It’s not porn. It’s being a teenager.

It is the same... so there are groups not doing it and there are groups that do it. If you want different results he needs different friends.

[Anonymous]

You need to discuss with him how STDs can be spread through oral sex and how to practice prevention accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I echo most of the previous comments. Teens have always been divided between those who have sex and those who don't. Nothing new there. And I think there's a fair bit of exaggeration involved too.

The average number of sex partners in the US is around 7 and that's the average across the life span. So I don't believe the typical teen is sleeping around a lot. There's probably the 10-20% of teens who have a lot of sex with multiple partners, and whose who remain virgins until well into college and even afterwards and those in the middle, a few partners over the years and 1-2 relationships before finding the person they marry.

If there is a change from the 1990s it's probably oral sex. In my school days in the 80s and early 1990s oral sex was still viewed somewhat controversially, something that was "dirty." Only the sleazy girls gave out random oral sex. But it seems much more common nowadays. And of course there's far more girls giving it than boys, among teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Places I had sex as a nerdy band geek in the 90s: band camp, band competition trips, at the homes of other band kids whose parents worked late, on the playground in the little box area that kids crawl through to go down the slide, on a picnic table under the stars (thought it was SO romantic as a teen), and finally, in my own bedroom in my own bed while my brother was in the room next door and my parents were downstairs.

My parents never dreamed that their straight A little angel was really doing her "boyfriend" instead of her homework all those evenings. I didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs, but oh boy did I have sex!

Now, the list of places where I've fooled around is even longer, stranger, and includes more beanbags in public places than you'd think are out there.

You are really proud of this, eh?

What is your life really like that you have to brag about this on an anonymous forum? Sad.

[Anonymous]

Op your kid is running with a fast crowd. My son is a teen and he and his friends aren't sexually active.

I am 58 and left college as a virgin. Most of my college friends became sexually active in college. The ones that did in high school were with steady boyfriends. Yes we smoked and and drank in high school, a lot smoked pot or tried cocaine. But my crowd wasn't sleeping around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 16 and he’s always been pretty open with me. Somehow we got on the topic of sex and his peers. He attends a private school in the DC/Suburban area. Just in terms of demographics, most of his friends come from fairly, if not very, affluent families. Most have stay at home moms. Most have pretty involved parents, the kind that call or text to make sure a parent is home and that kind of thing. These kids (boys and girls) are almost all good athletes and very good to exceptional students. They mainly drink and smoke weed occasionally. No heavy drugs.

Ok so that’s the demographic for whatever it’s worth. He says the sex at this age is extremely common and very casual. He says that the girls are very much up for anything and that most in his group have had multiple partners. Some are in the high teens in terms of numbers. Oral sex is even more casual. He says most girls are on the pill but that the guys are good about condoms. He agrees the ease of watching porn has may be contributed to the culture.

I don’t want to judge his views, but we did raise him that sex should be in a committed, serious relationship. He seems to reject that view and says “that’s just not how it is now” I get that teens have always been sexually active but the amount and frequency of casual sex at this age is what surprised me the most. He did say it’s still unfair that girls can get a bad reputation and for the most part guys don’t.

So that’s my news from the teen trenches.

I appreciate the 411, OP. FWIW, I swear this was my high school in the late 80s/early 90s as well. We're OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my 40s and went to DC private high school. Was the same then. I think people who are getting all upset about it being different just weren’t around the crowd that was drinking and hooking up. This is just not that different. It’s not porn. It’s being a teenager.

These days though it quickly can turn into illegal porn. You just need one a hole with a phone to videotape it and send it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you give your kids condoms. I do not believe you give them lube.

Not PP but we bought condoms and lube and placed them in our laundry closet.

We also bought porn mags and some DVDs and placed them in there. I’d rather have my boys looking at that type of porn versus the sketchy kind online that can possibly get them in trouble if they click on the wrong thing.

This is illegal and can get you arrested and the kids placed in foster care. I’m a mandatory reporter. Last year, we reported a dad who gave his kid one of those little photo viewers from the carnival with a photo of a topless woman in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you give your kids condoms. I do not believe you give them lube.

Not PP but we bought condoms and lube and placed them in our laundry closet.

We also bought porn mags and some DVDs and placed them in there. I’d rather have my boys looking at that type of porn versus the sketchy kind online that can possibly get them in trouble if they click on the wrong thing.

This is illegal and can get you arrested and the kids placed in foster care. I’m a mandatory reporter. Last year, we reported a dad who gave his kid one of those little photo viewers from the carnival with a photo of a topless woman in it.

Proud of yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you give your kids condoms. I do not believe you give them lube.

Not PP but we bought condoms and lube and placed them in our laundry closet.

We also bought porn mags and some DVDs and placed them in there. I’d rather have my boys looking at that type of porn versus the sketchy kind online that can possibly get them in trouble if they click on the wrong thing.

This is illegal and can get you arrested and the kids placed in foster care. I’m a mandatory reporter. Last year, we reported a dad who gave his kid one of those little photo viewers from the carnival with a photo of a topless woman in it.

What?! That is ridiculous. Your post can’t be for real. What came if he report?

[Anonymous]

Of the

[Anonymous]

I’m on my early forties and was shocked to learn (during my junior year) that other students were having sex. My friend group, with the exception of the wildest one, wasn’t going there at all. I wasn’t a prude, rather I always viewed it as something reserved for a committed relationship and something that I didn’t want to be doing in high school.

Even later, it was a line I didn’t want to cross lightly because it basically makes you emotionally vulnerable to the other person. Dangerous territory in your teen years when things are already pretty rocky emotionally.