Teen son talk about sex - some somewhat surprising info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids are sitting around together smoking weed, drinking alcohol and casually giving each other oral sex. Op says that the parents are generally involved and cautious about supervising their kids, ensuring that their is a parent around, etc.

Yet, Caligula is routinely happening in back bedrooms or in the basement right under these parents' noses. Makes not a bit of sense to me, sorry.

I'm the 55yo PP. I had sex, including oral sex, in my bedroom in high school, with my parents and siblings in the house. Sometimes we'd drink wine or beer, too. Right under their noses! Shocking!

I'm 53 and that would never have flown in a million years at my parents' house. I didn't drink or have sex in HS although I attended football games, dances and was involved in several clubs including working on the yearbook staff.

Don't ask me about what occurred in my college dorm room though . But by that point I was a college ready HS grad with some work experience and so were the guys I was seeing.

[Anonymous]

This is nothing new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I have a son at a Maryland public who is an athlete and part of the popular crowd. We talk about sex, drinking, drugs, etc. a few times a year. Last year, when he was a junior, he told me that he knew of only one or two kids who had actual sex, and a small handful that had oral sex. This is a crowd where the majority of kids go to parties every weekend and drink, with many smoking weed as well—it is not easy for me to understand why their parents don’t limit their part attendance. Hookups at those parties reportedly consist mostly of kissing and groping. There is a surprisingly large number of kids in long-term relationships, and when they are not at parties, they go on movie or dinner dates.

I’m thirty years older, and compared to kids at my HS, they drink the same, smoke more weed, have a significantly higher percentage of monogamous relationships, and much less sex. Of course, this group could just be an anomaly within their school and age group.

If they are going to drinking parties on a regular basis and hooking up they are having sex, too. They may not be proudly and freely open about it. But they are absolutely sexually active. Maybe BJs and hand jobs count as "kissing and groping"?

I’ve heard from teens and other moms of teens that movies.... are almost always an opportunity for fingering. If they’re going to the movies often, and seeing films they’re not that interested in.. it’s a good chance that’s what is happening.

Oh, I'm sure this is happening. I know the movies was a prime place for handjobs and getting fingered when I was in HS years ago.

A boy and girl (11/12) got kicked off of the school bus this past year at my daughter's school after getting caught fooling around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this is what I hear from my DS who has been in both pubic and private similar to your DS and he reports the same behavior at both a FCPS high school and a MD private. He has been having sex with his few girlfriends (as in monogamous relationship) for several years and had one period of casual sex as you describe as well (we tried to discourage that). He is a rising senior. Girls are far more open to it than back when I was in school and oral sex seems definitely more prevalent today - with condoms for boys. DD on the other hand held off until college and has had only 1 boyfriend/partner thus far. It still runs the gamut but I'm not sure I believe the stats that it's less prevalent than back in the day.

Are you saying they regularly wear condoms while getting BJs? That surprises me, please confirm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 16 and he’s always been pretty open with me. Somehow we got on the topic of sex and his peers. He attends a private school in the DC/Suburban area. Just in terms of demographics, most of his friends come from fairly, if not very, affluent families. Most have stay at home moms. Most have pretty involved parents, the kind that call or text to make sure a parent is home and that kind of thing. These kids (boys and girls) are almost all good athletes and very good to exceptional students. They mainly drink and smoke weed occasionally. No heavy drugs.

Ok so that’s the demographic for whatever it’s worth. He says the sex at this age is extremely common and very casual. He says that the girls are very much up for anything and that most in his group have had multiple partners. Some are in the high teens in terms of numbers. Oral sex is even more casual. He says most girls are on the pill but that the guys are good about condoms. He agrees the ease of watching porn has may be contributed to the culture.

I don’t want to judge his views, but we did raise him that sex should be in a committed, serious relationship. He seems to reject that view and says “that’s just not how it is now” I get that teens have always been sexually active but the amount and frequency of casual sex at this age is what surprised me the most. He did say it’s still unfair that girls can get a bad reputation and for the most part guys don’t.

So that’s my news from the teen trenches.

So more money/private school/involved parents etc are some protection against teens having sex?

I'm 55, I went to an expensive private school, everyone was in the affluent demographic, and sex was common, most everyone had sex before they graduated.

+1. I'm 52, went to a W school in MoCo, and we did all of this too. The guy with the conversion van got the most action!

This is a good time to get my PSA in for the HPV vaccine. For girls *and* boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I have a son at a Maryland public who is an athlete and part of the popular crowd. We talk about sex, drinking, drugs, etc. a few times a year. Last year, when he was a junior, he told me that he knew of only one or two kids who had actual sex, and a small handful that had oral sex. This is a crowd where the majority of kids go to parties every weekend and drink, with many smoking weed as well—it is not easy for me to understand why their parents don’t limit their part attendance. Hookups at those parties reportedly consist mostly of kissing and groping. There is a surprisingly large number of kids in long-term relationships, and when they are not at parties, they go on movie or dinner dates.

I’m thirty years older, and compared to kids at my HS, they drink the same, smoke more weed, have a significantly higher percentage of monogamous relationships, and much less sex. Of course, this group could just be an anomaly within their school and age group.

If they are going to drinking parties on a regular basis and hooking up they are having sex, too. They may not be proudly and freely open about it. But they are absolutely sexually active. Maybe BJs and hand jobs count as "kissing and groping"?

I’ve heard from teens and other moms of teens that movies.... are almost always an opportunity for fingering. If they’re going to the movies often, and seeing films they’re not that interested in.. it’s a good chance that’s what is happening.

Oh, I'm sure this is happening. I know the movies was a prime place for handjobs and getting fingered when I was in HS years ago.

A boy and girl (11/12) got kicked off of the school bus this past year at my daughter's school after getting caught fooling around.

Good grief. I went to movies all the time with friends when I was a teen and never once saw anyone do anything like that. Sometimes they would be making out a bit but actually getting it on? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 16 and he’s always been pretty open with me. Somehow we got on the topic of sex and his peers. He attends a private school in the DC/Suburban area. Just in terms of demographics, most of his friends come from fairly, if not very, affluent families. Most have stay at home moms. Most have pretty involved parents, the kind that call or text to make sure a parent is home and that kind of thing. These kids (boys and girls) are almost all good athletes and very good to exceptional students. They mainly drink and smoke weed occasionally. No heavy drugs.

Ok so that’s the demographic for whatever it’s worth. He says the sex at this age is extremely common and very casual. He says that the girls are very much up for anything and that most in his group have had multiple partners. Some are in the high teens in terms of numbers. Oral sex is even more casual. He says most girls are on the pill but that the guys are good about condoms. He agrees the ease of watching porn has may be contributed to the culture.

I don’t want to judge his views, but we did raise him that sex should be in a committed, serious relationship. He seems to reject that view and says “that’s just not how it is now” I get that teens have always been sexually active but the amount and frequency of casual sex at this age is what surprised me the most. He did say it’s still unfair that girls can get a bad reputation and for the most part guys don’t.

So that’s my news from the teen trenches.

So more money/private school/involved parents etc are some protection against teens having sex?

I'm 55, I went to an expensive private school, everyone was in the affluent demographic, and sex was common, most everyone had sex before they graduated.

+1. I'm 52, went to a W school in MoCo, and we did all of this too. The guy with the conversion van got the most action!

This is a good time to get my PSA in for the HPV vaccine. For girls *and* boys.

Uhhh yeah. I wouldn't have gone near you and that sticky conversion van. I think the "girl" you remember was that old dogeared Playboy that you and your pot buddies used to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the difference?

A person's ick factor rises with each partners. At this rate, op's kid and his friends will be full-on skeevy by 22.

I don’t think 22 is considered that big a deal by say 30. Let’s say you start at 18 and 3-4 a year which would be common that’s 36-48 right there!

Nasty

[Anonymous]

This is not at all the norm for my 15 yo DD. Different crowd, though.

[Anonymous]

My friend is in adolescent medicine. She says there’s much less PIV and increasingly less oral. Parents might be home less, but the teens are so tightly scheduled that the long safe window of empty houses are harder to manage. Some boys aren’t in structured activities, but play 4 hours of multi-player video games every afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But isn't that the same as when we were young? I'm in my 30s and that's how it was. There was internet back then too with easy access.

For those of us in our 40s and 50s it's a change.

I was thinking the same thing...pp is practically a child herself.

Not that much of a change. I'm 50. My friends and I were "good girls" but we all definitely drank and smoked pot and had sex in high school. None of us went to college as virgins. There were definitely people who had many partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the difference?

A person's ick factor rises with each partners. At this rate, op's kid and his friends will be full-on skeevy by 22.

I don’t think 22 is considered that big a deal by say 30. Let’s say you start at 18 and 3-4 a year which would be common that’s 36-48 right there!

Nasty

Or talented and charming!

Depends totally on your perspective

[Anonymous]

My son reports that there are a few types of kids/schools of thought.

Those that date and are having monogamous sexual relationships, those that have casual sex with everybody and those that aren’t/can’t get laid.

P.S. they are doing drugs besides marijuana and now that he is in college acid/shrooms/cocaine are big time.

It sounds like your son has the casual sex type of friends and thinks everybody is that way and he is lying about the drugs.

[Anonymous]

I have two teen boys. They report similar casual sexual relationships. My 17 year old rising senior is sexually active. My 16 year old rising junior seems to be light years away. Raised with the same values. Not sure what else to say other than I literally buy fishbowls of condoms for them and their friends to use (yes they can get them from school or buy them themselves, but I make them as accessible as possible).

Condoms, Natural Latex, Durex Condom Bulk Variety Fish Bowl 144 Count, Extra Lubricated, Ultra Fine, Dotted, and Large Male Condoms, HSA Eligible https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002T5L454/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_hF6lDbX9DDQQC

[Anonymous]

Problem is for a lot of these kids is age of consent is 18 in a lot of states.

They get caught and they are sexual offenders.