Teen son talk about sex - some somewhat surprising info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Problem is for a lot of these kids is age of consent is 18 in a lot of states.

They get caught and they are sexual offenders.

Oh, I'm sure that they will stop these antics when they turn 18. Of course they will. Right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Problem is for a lot of these kids is age of consent is 18 in a lot of states.

They get caught and they are sexual offenders.

What? No. Your information is outdated. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Problem is for a lot of these kids is age of consent is 18 in a lot of states.

They get caught and they are sexual offenders.

16 in MD and DC
VA ok under 18 if close in age so 13-15 ok and 15-17 ok just not 17 and 14 etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But isn't that the same as when we were young? I'm in my 30s and that's how it was. There was internet back then too with easy access.

For those of us in our 40s and 50s it's a change.

I'm 49 and most of my friends had sex in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that your son's group of friends are like this. I do not think that you can over generalize and say that ALL kids are like this. They absolutely are not.

Personally, I think it's sad and pretty gross how these male/female friend groups casually exchange oral sex like it's a handshake, NBD at all. It's a very "Hollywood" thing to do and I think it's social media based peer pressure based. It's what the cool kids do.

It's good that your son is so open with you about this. You have a chance to talk with him about self respect, caring about other people and not doing anything that will be embarrassing for him when he's older. What feels good in the moment might wind up being a pretty gross memory with a lot of shame attached to it later on.

PP here. I've not seen shame associated with it so far. They seem to be enjoying themselves. I'm sure there are a few who have that feeling but plenty seem okay with it. Not my cup of tea but there's only so much you can monitor as a parent. 100 years ago they'd have been married and with a kid or few by 16-19.

These kids are sitting around together smoking weed, drinking alcohol and casually giving each other oral sex. Op says that the parents are generally involved and cautious about supervising their kids, ensuring that their is a parent around, etc.

Yet, Caligula is routinely happening in back bedrooms or in the basement right under these parents' noses. Makes not a bit of sense to me, sorry.

Maybe even in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But isn't that the same as when we were young? I'm in my 30s and that's how it was. There was internet back then too with easy access.

For those of us in our 40s and 50s it's a change.

I'm 49 and most of my friends had sex in high school.

Most of mine didn't. I'm also 49.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But isn't that the same as when we were young? I'm in my 30s and that's how it was. There was internet back then too with easy access.

For those of us in our 40s and 50s it's a change.

I'm 49 and most of my friends had sex in high school.

Over 50, private school in DC same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I have a son at a Maryland public who is an athlete and part of the popular crowd. We talk about sex, drinking, drugs, etc. a few times a year. Last year, when he was a junior, he told me that he knew of only one or two kids who had actual sex, and a small handful that had oral sex. This is a crowd where the majority of kids go to parties every weekend and drink, with many smoking weed as well—it is not easy for me to understand why their parents don’t limit their part attendance. Hookups at those parties reportedly consist mostly of kissing and groping. There is a surprisingly large number of kids in long-term relationships, and when they are not at parties, they go on movie or dinner dates.

I’m thirty years older, and compared to kids at my HS, they drink the same, smoke more weed, have a significantly higher percentage of monogamous relationships, and much less sex. Of course, this group could just be an anomaly within their school and age group.

If they are going to drinking parties on a regular basis and hooking up they are having sex, too. They may not be proudly and freely open about it. But they are absolutely sexually active. Maybe BJs and hand jobs count as "kissing and groping"?

I’ve heard from teens and other moms of teens that movies.... are almost always an opportunity for fingering. If they’re going to the movies often, and seeing films they’re not that interested in.. it’s a good chance that’s what is happening.

Oh, I'm sure this is happening. I know the movies was a prime place for handjobs and getting fingered when I was in HS years ago.

A boy and girl (11/12) got kicked off of the school bus this past year at my daughter's school after getting caught fooling around.

Good grief. I went to movies all the time with friends when I was a teen and never once saw anyone do anything like that. Sometimes they would be making out a bit but actually getting it on? No way.

Most common place to have sex as a teenager.....wait for it....at home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I have a son at a Maryland public who is an athlete and part of the popular crowd. We talk about sex, drinking, drugs, etc. a few times a year. Last year, when he was a junior, he told me that he knew of only one or two kids who had actual sex, and a small handful that had oral sex. This is a crowd where the majority of kids go to parties every weekend and drink, with many smoking weed as well—it is not easy for me to understand why their parents don’t limit their part attendance. Hookups at those parties reportedly consist mostly of kissing and groping. There is a surprisingly large number of kids in long-term relationships, and when they are not at parties, they go on movie or dinner dates.

I’m thirty years older, and compared to kids at my HS, they drink the same, smoke more weed, have a significantly higher percentage of monogamous relationships, and much less sex. Of course, this group could just be an anomaly within their school and age group.

If they are going to drinking parties on a regular basis and hooking up they are having sex, too. They may not be proudly and freely open about it. But they are absolutely sexually active. Maybe BJs and hand jobs count as "kissing and groping"?

I’ve heard from teens and other moms of teens that movies.... are almost always an opportunity for fingering. If they’re going to the movies often, and seeing films they’re not that interested in.. it’s a good chance that’s what is happening.

Oh, I'm sure this is happening. I know the movies was a prime place for handjobs and getting fingered when I was in HS years ago.

A boy and girl (11/12) got kicked off of the school bus this past year at my daughter's school after getting caught fooling around.

Good grief. I went to movies all the time with friends when I was a teen and never once saw anyone do anything like that. Sometimes they would be making out a bit but actually getting it on? No way.

Most common place to have sex as a teenager.....wait for it....at home!

Or the backseat of a car, or at a friend's house whose parents aren't home, or in the woods...but not in the middle of a movie theater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids are sitting around together smoking weed, drinking alcohol and casually giving each other oral sex. Op says that the parents are generally involved and cautious about supervising their kids, ensuring that their is a parent around, etc.

Yet, Caligula is routinely happening in back bedrooms or in the basement right under these parents' noses. Makes not a bit of sense to me, sorry.

I'm the 55yo PP. I had sex, including oral sex, in my bedroom in high school, with my parents and siblings in the house. Sometimes we'd drink wine or beer, too. Right under their noses! Shocking!

I'm 53 and that would never have flown in a million years at my parents' house.

It was pretty much a don't ask, don't tell situation. We went into my bedroom, closed the door, and no questions were asked about what went on in there. To this day I have not asked them "you did know I was having sex in my bedroom in high school, right?" though it's hard to believe they could not know what was happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But isn't that the same as when we were young? I'm in my 30s and that's how it was. There was internet back then too with easy access.

For those of us in our 40s and 50s it's a change.

I'm 49 and most of my friends had sex in high school.

I'm 51, and I would guess probably 50% had sex in high school?? However, what I think is different is the wantonness/the rampant oral sex/the casual hook ups. I don't recall that being the case in my day. There was some level of one nighters . . . but that was definitely NOT the norm/viewed as okay/cool.

[Anonymous]

So?

I have two high school boys. I put condoms and lube in their medicine cabinet, because I expect that at some point they're going to have sex. I also packed condoms when they went to away camp.

[Anonymous]

I’m late 40s and basically none of my friends had sex or did drugs in high school. Maybe occasionally drinking. We went to a middle class school in a big town or small city and no one was particularly religious. We just studied and went to movies and hung out making dumb jokes.
I always got the impression that kids at the rich kid schools were “faster.” It was definitely either the very rich or the very poor kids at my school that were drug users.
I’m going to sound like a prude here but i just think these kids are creating an image for themselves that they are not really ready for. Even that young woman that wrote the piece about Aziz Ansari...why was she booking up with him? It just seemed like someone who had grown up in a culture of easy sex but without ever really figuring out how to make it a comfortable and satisfying experience. I was really sad to read her piece.

[Anonymous]

I believe you give your kids condoms. I do not believe you give them lube.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But isn't that the same as when we were young? I'm in my 30s and that's how it was. There was internet back then too with easy access.

For those of us in our 40s and 50s it's a change.

I'm 49 and most of my friends had sex in high school.

I'm 51, and I would guess probably 50% had sex in high school?? However, what I think is different is the wantonness/the rampant oral sex/the casual hook ups. I don't recall that being the case in my day. There was some level of one nighters . . . but that was definitely NOT the norm/viewed as okay/cool.

ONS in HS? Haha, that would have been ALL over the school the next day. In fact, any of this circle jerk stuff would have been in the hallways and whispered in the classrooms. When couples split up..let's just say there were no secrets. I remember the boys talking about who had the best (and worst) boobs. Girls were just as bad.

I was this quiet, shy, librarian type who kept her nose in her book and did my best to fly low beneath that radar. I had my fun in college where the world was a whole lot bigger...