Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs mother tells her that she is loving and supportive but is actually selfish and manipulative. That is why this supposedly minor incident is upsetting her. Her mother seems like a master manipulator that has OP going in circles. As a college teacher I have seen parents like this. Very hard on the kids. The charity workers are the worst. John Grisham has a book with a character such as this. Wish I could remember the name of the book.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs mother tells her that she is loving and supportive but is actually selfish and manipulative. That is why this supposedly minor incident is upsetting her. Her mother seems like a master manipulator that has OP going in circles. As a college teacher I have seen parents like this. Very hard on the kids. The charity workers are the worst. John Grisham has a book with a character such as this. Wish I could remember the name of the book.

Dum-Dum, OP is The one who conceded that her mother is loving and supportive she just wants MORE from her mother do you understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would hurt my feelings because I changed my schedule for her when it’s Friday night and they are here for the weekend. And of course you can’t compete with the praise for “at risk teen that your mom saved from a life of no fun ...” it seems a bit self serving/ manipulative of your mom but with people like that you do have to practice not letting it get to you.

But it's not really fair to say "I changed my schedule for you" to someone who never asked you to do so nor even said they were free at the time you want to have plans with them.

[Anonymous]

What were you in therapy for, OP? That might shed some light on why are you so sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Why won’t eating at 8:30 work for you? That’s not crazy late. My DH and I don’t typically start making dinner til the kids are in bed at 8:30...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why won’t eating at 8:30 work for you? That’s not crazy late. My DH and I don’t typically start making dinner til the kids are in bed at 8:30...

Because it won’t be 8:30. Mom has to get her praise and thanks and updates and coffee... when she blows in the door at 9:30 all excited about her news about her student, OP will have to sit and be the audience for that and so on. Better to hear all that on a full stomach and maybe a glass of wine handy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would hurt my feelings because I changed my schedule for her when it’s Friday night and they are here for the weekend. And of course you can’t compete with the praise for “at risk teen that your mom saved from a life of no fun ...” it seems a bit self serving/ manipulative of your mom but with people like that you do have to practice not letting it get to you.

But it's not really fair to say "I changed my schedule for you" to someone who never asked you to do so nor even said they were free at the time you want to have plans with them.

OPs mom surely knew that adjustments had been made for her arrival. She would have known that hostesses make efforts and save time. I hear the hurt in OPs post. If it were my mom I wouldn’t care. But obviously it’s a sore point to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs mother tells her that she is loving and supportive but is actually selfish and manipulative. That is why this supposedly minor incident is upsetting her. Her mother seems like a master manipulator that has OP going in circles. As a college teacher I have seen parents like this. Very hard on the kids. The charity workers are the worst. John Grisham has a book with a character such as this. Wish I could remember the name of the book.

Dum-Dum, OP is The one who conceded that her mother is loving and supportive she just wants MORE from her mother do you understand that?

Calm down. Dum-Dum really are you 6?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won’t eating at 8:30 work for you? That’s not crazy late. My DH and I don’t typically start making dinner til the kids are in bed at 8:30...

Because it won’t be 8:30. Mom has to get her praise and thanks and updates and coffee... when she blows in the door at 9:30 all excited about her news about her student, OP will have to sit and be the audience for that and so on. Better to hear all that on a full stomach and maybe a glass of wine handy.

Good grief, you need to stop already.
Judging by the way you're neurotically posting a myriad of hostility all through out this thread, it seems like you have some MAJOR issues that you're clearly projecting.

Your opinion is one of extreme bias, as such you're probably the last person on here who should be giving advice to anyone, because it seems you prefer to relish in the bitterness of your victim role, rather than looking in the mirror and actually acting like an adult.

Thankfully the OP is getting therapy and won't been emotionally & maturely stunted in adolescence as you clearly have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won’t eating at 8:30 work for you? That’s not crazy late. My DH and I don’t typically start making dinner til the kids are in bed at 8:30...

Because it won’t be 8:30. Mom has to get her praise and thanks and updates and coffee... when she blows in the door at 9:30 all excited about her news about her student, OP will have to sit and be the audience for that and so on. Better to hear all that on a full stomach and maybe a glass of wine handy.

Good grief, you need to stop already.
Judging by the way you're neurotically posting a myriad of hostility all through out this thread, it seems like you have some MAJOR issues that you're clearly projecting.

Your opinion is one of extreme bias, as such you're probably the last person on here who should be giving advice to anyone, because it seems you prefer to relish in the bitterness of your victim role, rather than looking in the mirror and actually acting like an adult.

Thankfully the OP is getting therapy and won't been emotionally & maturely stunted in adolescence as you clearly have been.

dp: I expect PP is right. Perhaps it’s not projecting, but understanding the type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs mother tells her that she is loving and supportive but is actually selfish and manipulative. That is why this supposedly minor incident is upsetting her. Her mother seems like a master manipulator that has OP going in circles. As a college teacher I have seen parents like this. Very hard on the kids. The charity workers are the worst. John Grisham has a book with a character such as this. Wish I could remember the name of the book.

Dum-Dum, OP is The one who conceded that her mother is loving and supportive she just wants MORE from her mother do you understand that?

I can't read all these pages, but here's a thought:

I thought my mom was loving and supportive until I reached a breaking point with anxiety and got myself a therapist. After a bunch of months in therapy it was clear that my mom thought she was loving and supportive, but was actually quite mean to me. I thought we were really close but what we were was codependent.

We don't know enough about this family to conclude anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why won’t eating at 8:30 work for you? That’s not crazy late. My DH and I don’t typically start making dinner til the kids are in bed at 8:30...

That is super weird.

[Anonymous]

We don't know enough about this family to conclude anything.

This. You cannot diagnose this whole family based on OP’s post. I imagine her mother sees things differently. Who is “right” is impossible for us to know.

[Anonymous]

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One could argue that if you wanted to be more of a priority in your mom’s life, you wouldn’t have moved 6 hours away. This works both ways, you know. Choices.

+1. Moving six hours away and then complaining you don’t see your mom as much is a bit rich.