Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I had our new house for more than a year before my parents were able to come and visit, and they live less than 4 hours away. I’m not going to go into it but they have commitments they have things that they are doing an oh my gosh, you really have got to come with something
stronger than that because the stuff that you’re talking about tax stuff my 12-year-old complain about

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to stop viewing yourself as a child in this relationship and start viewing yourself as an adult. When you were an child, your parents’ world revolves around you to a large extent. Now that you’re an adult, though, it doesn’t. You are still stuck in a very young place maturity-wise, though, where to still expect to be the center of their world. I’m sure they love you very much, but they are done raising you and are entitled to have a life that includes you, but isn’t centered on you.

[Anonymous]

You said things have been rocky the past year, but this work with at risk kids has to have gone on for a long time if one of those kids is now a musician in residence, so is there an issue about you perhaps feeling like your mom invested in these kids more than with you as her daughter back when?

Other than that, I'd go with the pp who wrote:

If parents knew OP turned down SIL’s birthday celebration in order to spend time with them and THEN announced they were going to the performance, that’s annoying.

If parents didn’t know that OP had cleared the calendar to spend time together, then it can still be annoying to OP, but she should chalk it up to a communication failure by both parties.

In neither scenario is this a hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

You are jealous of a student that she helped and feels obligation to see? I mean how needy are you princess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are jealous of a student that she helped and feels obligation to see? I mean how needy are you princess?

OP probably always felt like she took a back seat to these needy students — and perhaps she did. That doesn’t make her a princess, it makes her SOL. But her mom skipping the event on Friday is going to accomplish nothing.

OP needs to give her mom the space to this event, and OP needs to find a good therapist to help her sort out the background issue.

[Anonymous]

You said you've acted immaturely in the past, but it's apparently still going on.

When will what your mother does for you EVER be enough? Never?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to stop viewing yourself as a child in this relationship and start viewing yourself as an adult. When you were an child, your parents’ world revolves around you to a large extent. Now that you’re an adult, though, it doesn’t. You are still stuck in a very young place maturity-wise, though, where to still expect to be the center of their world. I’m sure they love you very much, but they are done raising you and are entitled to have a life that includes you, but isn’t centered on you.

Extremely well said!

[Anonymous]

That would hurt my feelings because I changed my schedule for her when it’s Friday night and they are here for the weekend. And of course you can’t compete with the praise for “at risk teen that your mom saved from a life of no fun ...” it seems a bit self serving/ manipulative of your mom but with people like that you do have to practice not letting it get to you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need therapy for not being an adult — I think you need therapy to understand your moms machinations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would hurt my feelings because I changed my schedule for her when it’s Friday night and they are here for the weekend. And of course you can’t compete with the praise for “at risk teen that your mom saved from a life of no fun ...” it seems a bit self serving/ manipulative of your mom but with people like that you do have to practice not letting it get to you.

But OP didn’t tell her mom about her plan but expects her mom to fall in when she does tell her. And PPs are making a pretty big leap about OP being neglected by her mom in favor of at-risk students. Where is that in her post?

[Anonymous]

You sound spoiled and self centered. Are you an only child? Why don’t you go to the performance with them?

[Anonymous]

Go with them, grab a later dinner after. You can bring a snack if you truly cannot wait to eat.

[Anonymous]

Can you go to the performance with your mom ? Watch with her ?

[Anonymous]

For you to have this dynamic with your mom you must have an insecurity you are dealing with. For your sake, and that of any children you may have, please see a good therapist to work through the issue. This isn’t about your mom.

[Anonymous]

Is there some sibling that you think your mother loves/prefers over you? You sound excited that she is coming, you want to show her your house, you had heart to heart talks with her, all that paints her as a nice mom that you love. Not a monster that neglected you as a child. Her former student cares about her and she cares to go see her play, all musicians will recognize that passion and it can be something that people not into music can't understand. Mentors like that are usually awesome people.
Given all this, why are you unable to allow your mother to be not just your mom, but a person with other interests? If she was a monster, surely you would not be looking forward to her coming for a visit?