Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?

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07/09/2019 18:51

Subject: Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?

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Anonymous

For the past year or so, things have been rocky with my mom and I. A lot of the issues stem around the fact that I don't feel that she makes me much of a priority. Whenever my mom and I get into these fights, she always talks about how important to her I am, and how much she loves and values me. We've had a few "come to Jesus" talks, and she's admitted her wrong doings, and I've admitted that I've acted immaturely at times. Things have gotten better over the past few months, but there's still some hurt lingering.

One of the bigger issues in all of this is that my parents haven't come down to see the house that DH and I bought in the fall. We've invited my parents down several times, but there's always something that gets in the way (ex. my mom has some work commitment, a relative is coming to town to visit). For reference, my parents live about 6 hours driving from DC; they are both able bodied, and money isn't an issue. My mom works part time (but has a pretty inflexible schedule), my dad is retired, and consults part time, but has a very flexible schedule.

Finally, things have worked out so that they're coming to DC this weekend! All has gone surprisingly smoothly, and no dram thus far....until today. We had told my parents that we would cook them dinner t our house on Friday night. DH's sisters birthday is Friday night, and his parents (which I'm very close with) are taking her out to celebrate, but we decided that it was more important to spend time with my family. When I told my parents this plan, my mom replied, "oh, I was going to see my former student perform." To give some background, my mom is the director of a program that teaches music to at risk teenagers. One of the students that she worked with a few years ago is in a musician in residence program in the area. She performs Friday night, but it's one of the last weeks she's here before she goes elsewhere.

So I said okay, great, what time do you think you'll get back to our house for dinner? Her response, "oh, around 8:30 or 9. Is that too late?" Since DH and I don't really want to wait until 8:30 to eat dinner, I told her, "yeah, it probably is too late. Since I'm working Friday morning (I'm taking a half day to spend time with them in the afternoon), why don't you try and get together with her?" Her response, "But we really want to see her perform. This student came into my office crying about how badly she wanted to be a musician, and I told her that she would be successful, and I'd come and hear her perform. Since this is one of her last weekends her, I want to hear he perform."

I just can't help but feel kind of let down about this. It just feels like my Mom is more concerned with making sure she keeps her promise to this student, than spending time with her own daughter. It especially stings given the backdrop that I've made clear to her that she doesn't feel that she cares about me. Am I right to be upset, or am I just being immature about this?