Taking boyfriend on summer vacation for teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never would allow this.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

I’m the poster that resurrected this. We have 15 ds and 17 dd. I told her she should have stayed in touch with her friends. Her boyfriend just graduated, she has one more year. She’s not really spoken to me for 2 days.
I said they could both bring friends. I’m a little shocked this has become a thing.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t a “new thing”, I don’t think.

My high school boyfriend went camping with my family in Shenandoah in 1990. He had his own tent. We all had a great time. There was a hysterical incident where he saved my mom from a rodent incursion into her tent, and my mom remains deeply grateful to this day. My sister laughs so hard that she snorts when she tells the full story.

I don’t remember if he and I did anything untoward (probably…) - but we all hiked and cooked dinner and it was a lot of fun for everyone. And I wasn’t the psychotic shrew that I would have been if I had to be without him for just a day. Seems pathetic 30 years later, but that was my reality at 17.

He wasn’t “new” to my family, though. We had known each other since elementary school. We don’t talk anymore, but when he comes back to the DMV to visit his parents he will often stop by and see mine.

[Anonymous]

As a dad, I would, but separate rooms. That said, as a guy who visited a couple of college girlfriends at their homes during breaks, if the boy were my son, I would tell him to skip it. When you are around college age, dads just look at you in a way that says, I know what you are doing with my daughter and I am not happy about it, not happy at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I would, but separate rooms. That said, as a guy who visited a couple of college girlfriends at their homes during breaks, if the boy were my son, I would tell him to skip it. When you are around college age, dads just look at you in a way that says, I know what you are doing with my daughter and I am not happy about it, not happy at all.

She’s in HS.

[Anonymous]

Op, not a huge issue one way or another ~ but why do it! It has you questioning. I wouldn't bother with it. I like this motto for parents of young adults ... and teens would be stricter: Don't impede. Don't promote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

This sounds like the British royal family rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from a vacation in which my son's gf (both 17) went with us.

She was in a separate room with my daughters and there was no sneaking around at night. If they had sex some other time, well, that's life. We've gone over safe sex with him enough times for him to make an informed choice.

That's pretty hypocritical. Its ok if they have sex so long as I've not condoned it by putting them in the same room.

I don't think it's hypocritical at all. Sounds realistic to me.

Me too. Not setting up an environment where parent says "go have sex" or "go get drunk" tells your teen that you believe it is a better choice not to engage in these activities at their age. But at 17 you cannot force them to act in every way as you want. You are setting an example and let that be that, they are not 13. I see no hypocrisy in this at all.

If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

Why are people on DCUM so hung up on sex? Did you all wait until you got married? Seriously, wtf?

Are you seriously saying you would want your own 17 year old DD engaging in in sex?

She is still in high school!! WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are supposed to break up over the summer so he can go off to college and be free of the baggage. It would be a very stressful vacation for everyone if they break up there or right after the trip. The time without him will help her adjust so you may as well start now.

Good point.