Taking boyfriend on summer vacation for teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from a vacation in which my son's gf (both 17) went with us.

She was in a separate room with my daughters and there was no sneaking around at night. If they had sex some other time, well, that's life. We've gone over safe sex with him enough times for him to make an informed choice.

That's pretty hypocritical. Its ok if they have sex so long as I've not condoned it by putting them in the same room.

I don't think it's hypocritical at all. Sounds realistic to me.

Me too. Not setting up an environment where parent says "go have sex" or "go get drunk" tells your teen that you believe it is a better choice not to engage in these activities at their age. But at 17 you cannot force them to act in every way as you want. You are setting an example and let that be that, they are not 13. I see no hypocrisy in this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from a vacation in which my son's gf (both 17) went with us.

She was in a separate room with my daughters and there was no sneaking around at night. If they had sex some other time, well, that's life. We've gone over safe sex with him enough times for him to make an informed choice.

That's pretty hypocritical. Its ok if they have sex so long as I've not condoned it by putting them in the same room.

I don't think it's hypocritical at all. Sounds realistic to me.

Me too. Not setting up an environment where parent says "go have sex" or "go get drunk" tells your teen that you believe it is a better choice not to engage in these activities at their age. But at 17 you cannot force them to act in every way as you want. You are setting an example and let that be that, they are not 13. I see no hypocrisy in this at all.

If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from a vacation in which my son's gf (both 17) went with us.

She was in a separate room with my daughters and there was no sneaking around at night. If they had sex some other time, well, that's life. We've gone over safe sex with him enough times for him to make an informed choice.

That's pretty hypocritical. Its ok if they have sex so long as I've not condoned it by putting them in the same room.

I don't think it's hypocritical at all. Sounds realistic to me.

Me too. Not setting up an environment where parent says "go have sex" or "go get drunk" tells your teen that you believe it is a better choice not to engage in these activities at their age. But at 17 you cannot force them to act in every way as you want. You are setting an example and let that be that, they are not 13. I see no hypocrisy in this at all.

If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

They can't have sex that week. They can have sex every other time they see each other. By 17 and probably a year away from college, the horse is basically out the gate. If they want to have sex, they'll find a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

I don't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that parents always should physically keep teens apart so no sex occurs? Or just on vacation? If you keep them apart on vacation but allow them to be together other times, do you think you are telling them no sex on vacation, but sex ok at other times?

[Anonymous]

I would allow. But I'm not usually the one to stick my head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

I don't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that parents always should physically keep teens apart so no sex occurs? Or just on vacation? If you keep them apart on vacation but allow them to be together other times, do you think you are telling them no sex on vacation, but sex ok at other times?

I’m saying it’s not appropriate to include the bf on a family vacation at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

I don't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that parents always should physically keep teens apart so no sex occurs? Or just on vacation? If you keep them apart on vacation but allow them to be together other times, do you think you are telling them no sex on vacation, but sex ok at other times?

I’m saying it’s not appropriate to include the bf on a family vacation at this age.

I had to resurrect the this thread, because my just turned 17 dd just asked to bring her boyfriend on our beach trip! Apparently one of her friends went away with her boyfriends family. She’s never even dated before. Can’t believe how fast things go.
I said no. She’s now saying she won’t go. She stopped hanging out with her friends, only him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

I don't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that parents always should physically keep teens apart so no sex occurs? Or just on vacation? If you keep them apart on vacation but allow them to be together other times, do you think you are telling them no sex on vacation, but sex ok at other times?

I’m saying it’s not appropriate to include the bf on a family vacation at this age.

I had to resurrect the this thread, because my just turned 17 dd just asked to bring her boyfriend on our beach trip! Apparently one of her friends went away with her boyfriends family. She’s never even dated before. Can’t believe how fast things go.
I said no. She’s now saying she won’t go. She stopped hanging out with her friends, only him.

Well that's concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you yeah or nay allow your 17 year old to take her boyfriend on vacation with the family. He is a nice kid, her best friend, etc. Why or why not? She has always brought friends along so that part does not bother me. The boy is away at a college prep program for most of the summer so this is there only time to see one another before school starts. I want to say no, but I don't really believe it is a bad thing.

This is a weird recent trend I"m seeing: bringing HS girl/boyfriends on vacation.

The answer is no, I would not. It's weird. It's a HS relationship that is unlikely to go further. It places a weirdly strong emphasis on the boyfriend/girlfriend. And 20 years from now that kid will be in all of your pics. Take a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from a vacation in which my son's gf (both 17) went with us.

She was in a separate room with my daughters and there was no sneaking around at night. If they had sex some other time, well, that's life. We've gone over safe sex with him enough times for him to make an informed choice.

That's pretty hypocritical. Its ok if they have sex so long as I've not condoned it by putting them in the same room.

I don't think it's hypocritical at all. Sounds realistic to me.

Me too. Not setting up an environment where parent says "go have sex" or "go get drunk" tells your teen that you believe it is a better choice not to engage in these activities at their age. But at 17 you cannot force them to act in every way as you want. You are setting an example and let that be that, they are not 13. I see no hypocrisy in this at all.

If you don’t allow the boyfriend or girlfriend on he vacation at all, then they definitely can’t have sex. Shouldn’t you model that instead??

Why are people on DCUM so hung up on sex? Did you all wait until you got married? Seriously, wtf?

[Anonymous]

I probably would, but I wouldn’t let them share a room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family vacation is family quality time. Enjoy it as much as possible now without bf.

i'm actually fine with the sex part but i want our vacations to be family time. I have teenage 3 kids and they get along and we have such little time together.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how many people on this thread are saying no, given that I usually feel like I am far stricter than most parents (and hear all the time from my kids that I am).. Anyway, I would allow it, under the circumstances described. It sounds like the trip will otherwise be just mom and DD - so this does not impact time with siblings or "family unit" time. I would have DD sleep in my room and get a separate room for the boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

This is how I feel. My now 19 year old vacationed with BF's family in HS. I didn't want to object, but I didn't reciprocate either. They dated multiple years. Break-up was a bit ugly and they are no longer on speaking terms. I fully expected them to break-up at some point. He was pretty close to us even without vacationing with us. Frankly, in retrospect, I'm glad he wasn't even closer (my younger kids sort of miss him, which is awkward).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

This is how I feel. My now 19 year old vacationed with BF's family in HS. I didn't want to object, but I didn't reciprocate either. They dated multiple years. Break-up was a bit ugly and they are no longer on speaking terms. I fully expected them to break-up at some point. He was pretty close to us even without vacationing with us. Frankly, in retrospect, I'm glad he wasn't even closer (my younger kids sort of miss him, which is awkward).

+2.