Taking boyfriend on summer vacation for teen

[Anonymous]

Nope. And yes, I have a rising high school senior.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would do it. Why not? I assume they're already having sex, right? What's the difference between them having sex at home and having it on vacation?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been considering the same for my teen daughter. I’m considering bringing him along for a trip later in the summer. I’d ask them to sleep in different rooms. They’ve slept in the same room before, but only in the context of a sleepover with several other kids in the same room.

A sexual relationship is their choice, not mine. I’d hope that by 17/18, they’re capable of making their own decisions on this. The reason I’d assign them different rooms is it should be a mutual, no-pressure decision.

[Anonymous]

OP, you said you don’t believe it’s a bad thing but you want to say, “no.” Is that because you want to preserve family-only time? You think it’s not perceived by others as “right” even though you have no problem with it? Share with us a little more about what your hesitations are and why you “want to say no.”

It could be any number of things, so we shouldn’t assume.

[Anonymous]

OP. She is our only child. She has lived abroad for 2 semesters once in 8th grade and 1 last year. The boy spends summers abroad. I want to say no because I feel it is being very liberal as a parent. On the other hand they are extremely mature. It is not a full family vacation as my husband is not going. The kids have separate rooms. I also trust them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier that I thought a tough call I have a 17 yr old on a healthy year long relationship. I think my reservation is that I don’t want to treat a 16 or 17 as if it’s the same as a relationship in your 20s. They are both formidable but I feel like if I start including BF on vacation it just elevated the importance of the relationship, which is not necessarily healthy. I also think about my 17 yr old BF. Great guy but we never would have even wanted to do this. . . Too much time under microscope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

21-26 years old? Not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. She is our only child. She has lived abroad for 2 semesters once in 8th grade and 1 last year. The boy spends summers abroad. I want to say no because I feel it is being very liberal as a parent. On the other hand they are extremely mature. It is not a full family vacation as my husband is not going. The kids have separate rooms. I also trust them.

Honestly, you’ve answered your own question. You think he’s a nice kid. He and your daughter are good friends. You understand they won’t have time to see other much, and what that means to your daughter. They are mature. You trust them.

Maybe it would be considered “liberal parenting.” But so what? What does that even mean these days? It’s not like you booked them the honeymoon suite at the Ritz, complete with basket of s*x toys and a weed pen. I think you’re taking a thoughtful approach. I assume his parents are doing the same. As long as you weren’t seeing this as family-only or mom/daughter time, it could end up making your relationship with your DD stronger.

(Yes, I have HS kids.)

[Anonymous]

Boyfriend did not change HIS college prep schedule to suit your DD. Why do it for him?

[Anonymous]

I feel like anything that can be done to help the transition away from HS boyfriend is good. Looking back, I don’t think any of us freshman girls with long-distance boyfriends at other colleges were in a healthy situation. So much energy into care and feeding of a doomed relationship! And I was a very mature and responsible 17 year old. I’m exhausted just looking back on it! I wouldn’t go out of my way to prop up a relationship that will probably soon wither due to distance.

[Anonymous]

They are supposed to break up over the summer so he can go off to college and be free of the baggage. It would be a very stressful vacation for everyone if they break up there or right after the trip. The time without him will help her adjust so you may as well start now.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would do it. Why not? I assume they're already having sex, right? What's the difference between them having sex at home and having it on vacation?

Just because they may be doing it doesn’t mean the parent has to enable/acquiesce to it.

[Anonymous]

Sure- sounds like he’s part of the family. I would do it