Taking boyfriend on summer vacation for teen

[Anonymous]

NP. No way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sons are 20 and 18 and I would never in a million years allow this.

You have two boys though. What is this girl going to do on vacation except sit around and text her boyfriend? Just let him come.

[Anonymous]

What is the risk you're worried about, that they will have sex or that they're too attached/too important to each other/too something else?

They'll probably have sex anyway if they're going to but I definitely think it's a green light even if they sleep in separate rooms.

Re: too attached, idk. I mean they could break up while you're there. That would be awkward. But you could also get a lot of great time together with your kid if he's there and she's happy? I guess it depends on the kid and the boyfriend. At a minimum, I think this would only work for families with really, really open communication. Like painfully open. People who love each other and are good at communicating.

[Anonymous]

If it’s just you and the teen couple I would think it could be lonely for you—I would want the time just with my child, if possible.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'd allow it as long as I spoke with the other set of parents and got the okay from them.

I'd have rules, obviously, about sleeping arrangements, but I'd also not go into the vacation being naive about what could happen. I'd have a refresher talk on birth control for sure.

My 17 yo son is leaving next week to go on a 2 week vacation with his gf and her family. And the boyfriend of my oldest DD (19) is staying with us for the month of July while he completes a special program in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOPE. When our son got this age he started being allowed to bring a friend but never a girlfriend. Wayyyy too much togetherness and honestly, I felt like he wouldn’t enjoy the trip as much having to be “on” for the girlfriend of the moment.

to be fair, the OP said it's a long term relationship and this isn't just a boyfriend of the moment.

OP, based on your 2nd response in this thread, I say sure bring him along. I have a 19-year-old son and I'd be okay with it in a situation like you described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Agree with all of this. I would not initiate the idea, but if she asked, I would say that if the other parents agreed as well and there were separate bedrooms, fine.

[Anonymous]

No. But because I'd want to have this trip to spend alone with my daughter. Different experience altogether with BF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

“If I can’t bring my boyfriend I’m not coming!” Guess whose ass would HAPPILY have been left at home in my family...

My family is very different. I am one of only 2 kids and we have both lived away from home since 16 and 18 years old. We dated our partners starting at 25 and 26 and were together for 6 and 7 years before any marriage. If my parents wanted to go on a vacation with us in our twenties they's be pretty ridiculous to be uptight about the boyfriend thing. There would be nothing happy for my parents about wasting an opportunity to spend time with us and having us go another 6 months without seeing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

“If I can’t bring my boyfriend I’m not coming!” Guess whose ass would HAPPILY have been left at home in my family...

My family is very different. I am one of only 2 kids and we have both lived away from home since 16 and 18 years old. We dated our partners starting at 25 and 26 and were together for 6 and 7 years before any marriage. If my parents wanted to go on a vacation with us in our twenties they's be pretty ridiculous to be uptight about the boyfriend thing. There would be nothing happy for my parents about wasting an opportunity to spend time with us and having us go another 6 months without seeing them.

I think you’re ridiculous for freeloading a vacation for you and your boyfriend at 26 but to each their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sons are 20 and 18 and I would never in a million years allow this.

Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

“If I can’t bring my boyfriend I’m not coming!” Guess whose ass would HAPPILY have been left at home in my family...

My family is very different. I am one of only 2 kids and we have both lived away from home since 16 and 18 years old. We dated our partners starting at 25 and 26 and were together for 6 and 7 years before any marriage. If my parents wanted to go on a vacation with us in our twenties they's be pretty ridiculous to be uptight about the boyfriend thing. There would be nothing happy for my parents about wasting an opportunity to spend time with us and having us go another 6 months without seeing them.

I think you’re ridiculous for freeloading a vacation for you and your boyfriend at 26 but to each their own

NP, most parents don't pay for vacations after college. If I'm paying my way, my long term boyfriend better be invited or I'm not going. I have better ways to vacation and spend my money. I'm also of the opinion you should spend college and early 20s vacations backpacking around. DH never went on a vacation without me once we started dating at 20. His parents didn't take fancy vacations though, whereas mine did.

I remember a wild vacation with my inlaws at 25. I slept in the same bed as MIL and DH slept in the same bed as FIL. I was horrified when I realized they hadn't gotten two rooms and there weren't other rooms available at the hotel. Never again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

“If I can’t bring my boyfriend I’m not coming!” Guess whose ass would HAPPILY have been left at home in my family...

My family is very different. I am one of only 2 kids and we have both lived away from home since 16 and 18 years old. We dated our partners starting at 25 and 26 and were together for 6 and 7 years before any marriage. If my parents wanted to go on a vacation with us in our twenties they's be pretty ridiculous to be uptight about the boyfriend thing. There would be nothing happy for my parents about wasting an opportunity to spend time with us and having us go another 6 months without seeing them.

I think you’re ridiculous for freeloading a vacation for you and your boyfriend at 26 but to each their own

NP, most parents don't pay for vacations after college. If I'm paying my way, my long term boyfriend better be invited or I'm not going. I have better ways to vacation and spend my money. I'm also of the opinion you should spend college and early 20s vacations backpacking around. DH never went on a vacation without me once we started dating at 20. His parents didn't take fancy vacations though, whereas mine did.

I remember a wild vacation with my inlaws at 25. I slept in the same bed as MIL and DH slept in the same bed as FIL. I was horrified when I realized they hadn't gotten two rooms and there weren't other rooms available at the hotel. Never again!

Not the PP you are responding to, but it would have never occurred to me to vacation with parents (my own or my husband's!) at age 25! At 25, I was married, owned a home (in coastal southern CA) and had a child and another one on the way. Tagging along on a vacation with parents wasn't even on my radar!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

“If I can’t bring my boyfriend I’m not coming!” Guess whose ass would HAPPILY have been left at home in my family...

My family is very different. I am one of only 2 kids and we have both lived away from home since 16 and 18 years old. We dated our partners starting at 25 and 26 and were together for 6 and 7 years before any marriage. If my parents wanted to go on a vacation with us in our twenties they's be pretty ridiculous to be uptight about the boyfriend thing. There would be nothing happy for my parents about wasting an opportunity to spend time with us and having us go another 6 months without seeing them.

I think you’re ridiculous for freeloading a vacation for you and your boyfriend at 26 but to each their own

NP, most parents don't pay for vacations after college. If I'm paying my way, my long term boyfriend better be invited or I'm not going. I have better ways to vacation and spend my money. I'm also of the opinion you should spend college and early 20s vacations backpacking around. DH never went on a vacation without me once we started dating at 20. His parents didn't take fancy vacations though, whereas mine did.

I remember a wild vacation with my inlaws at 25. I slept in the same bed as MIL and DH slept in the same bed as FIL. I was horrified when I realized they hadn't gotten two rooms and there weren't other rooms available at the hotel. Never again!

Not the PP you are responding to, but it would have never occurred to me to vacation with parents (my own or my husband's!) at age 25! At 25, I was married, owned a home (in coastal southern CA) and had a child and another one on the way. Tagging along on a vacation with parents wasn't even on my radar!

It's not really tagging along, it's parents doing something intentionally like renting a house in Maine for everyone to spend time together all in the same place when we are spread throughout the country and may only see each other once a year at Xmas or Thanksgiving. We still do this now that we are in our 30s and I don't think it is that uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you naysayers don't have 17 year olds? Let alone 17 year olds in long-term, healthy relationships? I would have said no once upon a time too, but now that I have a 17 year old, I would say yes if: the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents agreed, and there were separate sleeping arrangements. They might be having sex (probably are - I was 17 once too!), but I am not going to make it easy for them, give permission, and, they have to much respect for us to do it under our noses anyway.

Two of my kids have passed the age of 17. For us, vacations are family time. When you're engaged, you can bring the person.

You're going to regret that. DH and I dated for 5 years. If neither of our parents let us bring the other on vacation, we wouldn't have gone. We dated from 21-26 and I'm grateful my parents accepted my boyfriend. That way once grandkids came along at 30, we invited grandparents on our vacation. I have friends who weren't allowed and whose future MILs wouldn't even meet them for lunch, dinner or vacations. Those MILs got cut off when their sons got married.

“If I can’t bring my boyfriend I’m not coming!” Guess whose ass would HAPPILY have been left at home in my family...

My family is very different. I am one of only 2 kids and we have both lived away from home since 16 and 18 years old. We dated our partners starting at 25 and 26 and were together for 6 and 7 years before any marriage. If my parents wanted to go on a vacation with us in our twenties they's be pretty ridiculous to be uptight about the boyfriend thing. There would be nothing happy for my parents about wasting an opportunity to spend time with us and having us go another 6 months without seeing them.

I think you’re ridiculous for freeloading a vacation for you and your boyfriend at 26 but to each their own

NP, most parents don't pay for vacations after college. If I'm paying my way, my long term boyfriend better be invited or I'm not going. I have better ways to vacation and spend my money. I'm also of the opinion you should spend college and early 20s vacations backpacking around. DH never went on a vacation without me once we started dating at 20. His parents didn't take fancy vacations though, whereas mine did.

I remember a wild vacation with my inlaws at 25. I slept in the same bed as MIL and DH slept in the same bed as FIL. I was horrified when I realized they hadn't gotten two rooms and there weren't other rooms available at the hotel. Never again!

Not the PP you are responding to, but it would have never occurred to me to vacation with parents (my own or my husband's!) at age 25! At 25, I was married, owned a home (in coastal southern CA) and had a child and another one on the way. Tagging along on a vacation with parents wasn't even on my radar!

Multi-generational vacations are common, and I’ve noticed parents are often the ones tagging along to spend time with their kids and grandkids.