How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?

[Anonymous]

OP I'm so sorry these posters are treating you like this. I have lived here for 8 years and still can count on one hand the people I would be able to count on in situations like this.

I don't think the posters commenting have ever actually had to deal with this, they probably all have family in the area.

Asking someone to watch your kid who is not a regular babysitter(like someone you hire) is a really big deal. You don't meet someone at the park, become friendly and then text them the next day asking if they will watch your kid.

The church thing is probably true. All the people I know involved in church have very active mom groups associated with them and I do think that is a supportive environment. If that is not an option I think hiring someone is probably your best bet. I think you will probably have to pay more money than a typical babysitter because you will need them last minute. You can also ask on your community listserv for recommendations for reputable babysitters. Have them babysit your kid a few times to establish the relationship so it's not weird. Have a few 3-4 that you have. That way you have a better chance of one of them being available for the birth versus having to hire someone new.

For the record, I have about 4 really good friends and I still wouldn't ask them to do this unless it was an actual true emergency (as in it wasn't just about wanting my husband with me-it was a very true emergency).

Good luck and congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby will come be it husband is there or not. Husband stays home. Also, you may want to get some friends. Pretty sad that neither of you have one friend or coworker....

Wow, you do have issues... based on your response, YOU don’t have too many friends...

[Anonymous]

OP, people on here are CRAZY!!! You'll not doubt have some good contacts in 5 months. Not the best solution but I've used urbansitter.com many times and had very good experience if you're really desperate.

[Anonymous]

I didnt even read this whole thread. But the first few posters were so unbelievably rude that I truly can't believe it. I am sorry OP. I know what you are going through. I have lived in my city a few years and have great freinds, but my husband will be away for months and I am due in the middle of that. I hope to have someone there but am also looking on care com to see if I can hire some help to for my other child.
again, i cant believe how rude people are. Please dont listen to it. or maybe find another board to post on. This board has always been filled with incredibly rude and snarky people. Not sure why. Not sure if it is the dc vibe or what... Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I just posted but have one more suggestion. Find a MOPS group asap. super supportive (in my experience) and leave boards like this behind!

[Anonymous]

Wow! Rude people on this board. OP, you are right about thinking of childcare for your child now when you go to the hospital. I think your best bet is to get to know your neighbors and let them know that you need help, IRL people are nicer than on DCUM. If you are my neighbor, I would not have any problem looking after your DC until you got home.

Line up a doula too. Some of the suggestions are pretty spot on here.

[Anonymous]

Induce labor or schedule a c-section. Worked for us flying the grandparents in!

[Anonymous]

Im in the same situation. We have a couple of friends, who offered to help, but we don’t really feel comfortable calling them at 3 am or leaving our child with them for a longer period of time. My daughter is very attached to us and doesn’t really want to stay alone at other people houses. We plan to have my husband to stay with her at home at night while I’m at the hospital. He doesn’t want to miss the birth of his child, but honestly I will feel much better if I know she is with her dad. We have a babysitter, who comes 3 x a week for a few hours a day, since last month. She is also our backup. At this moment everything depends on when the labor starts, how long it last and how it all goes etc. I’m mentally prepared to do it alone, but I hope it will work out for all of us. I feel like actually scheduling c-section seems so much better, because you can plan better. I have been worried about it for months, and seeing OP’s post in some way I feel better, it’s not just me having this issue.

[Anonymous]

I had a home birth for this very reason. It was great, I'd do it again in a second. All of my late 3rd trimester appointments took place at my home and when I went into labor at 1 AM, my older child slept blissfully unaware. I had two midwives, a doula and DH with me. My friend slept in one of the spare rooms in case older DC woke up.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone was rude. OP is a grown woman and, presumably, knew she would need someone to stay with her other child when she has 2nd child if she insists that her DH be at hospital with her. Frankly, it is stupidity on OP's part not to have thought of this very early in her pregnancy. I have zero sympathy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone was rude. OP is a grown woman and, presumably, knew she would need someone to stay with her other child when she has 2nd child if she insists that her DH be at hospital with her. Frankly, it is stupidity on OP's part not to have thought of this very early in her pregnancy. I have zero sympathy for her.

She's only 4 months. Seems plenty early enough to me.

Some of you seem to think that she's due any minute and just now thinking about it. Reading comprehension, people.

And I know enough people who have had complications during both vaginal and c-section births (hemorrhage, unexpected issues with the baby, etc) that I would be leery of giving birth without an advocate there with me. I understand that plenty of women have done it before and will do it again, but...in OP's situation, I'd probably look into hiring a doula or flying in a family member or friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends

OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.

We're in the same boat and no we are not new in town. This is a problem that many people have who do not have family close-by. It's one thing to ask friends but sometimes people have other commitments and cannot help out. Why are people criticizing the OP for a reasonable question that is applicable to many people? Stop being so nasty and hateful. You must be miserable.

[Anonymous]

When I was having DC2 my in-laws drove in and watched DC1 so my mom and DH could be at the hospital with me. With DC3 a neighbor (and friend) offered to take care of DC1 and 2 for us and it worked out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone was rude. OP is a grown woman and, presumably, knew she would need someone to stay with her other child when she has 2nd child if she insists that her DH be at hospital with her. Frankly, it is stupidity on OP's part not to have thought of this very early in her pregnancy. I have zero sympathy for her.

She's only 4 months. Seems plenty early enough to me.

Some of you seem to think that she's due any minute and just now thinking about it. Reading comprehension, people.

And I know enough people who have had complications during both vaginal and c-section births (hemorrhage, unexpected issues with the baby, etc) that I would be leery of giving birth without an advocate there with me. I understand that plenty of women have done it before and will do it again, but...in OP's situation, I'd probably look into hiring a doula or flying in a family member or friend.

She's only 4 months so she has time to form friendships, make arrangements for family/friend to come during that window, hire a doula, or get comfortable with a sitter/nanny to call in for older child. OP's first post implied that she was in a bind, i.e., that birth is imminent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone was rude. OP is a grown woman and, presumably, knew she would need someone to stay with her other child when she has 2nd child if she insists that her DH be at hospital with her. Frankly, it is stupidity on OP's part not to have thought of this very early in her pregnancy. I have zero sympathy for her.

She's only 4 months. Seems plenty early enough to me.

Some of you seem to think that she's due any minute and just now thinking about it. Reading comprehension, people.

And I know enough people who have had complications during both vaginal and c-section births (hemorrhage, unexpected issues with the baby, etc) that I would be leery of giving birth without an advocate there with me. I understand that plenty of women have done it before and will do it again, but...in OP's situation, I'd probably look into hiring a doula or flying in a family member or friend.

She's only 4 months so she has time to form friendships, make arrangements for family/friend to come during that window, hire a doula, or get comfortable with a sitter/nanny to call in for older child. OP's first post implied that she was in a bind, i.e., that birth is imminent.

^ This. Her initial post seemed frantic, like she was due in a few weeks. Then she later posted that she is only four months along. So she has 5-6 months to sort out a solution. So, good for thinking ahead but the dire tone was off (and shooting down every suggestion in kind of a nasty way). Everyone handles pregnancy and stress differently so we can give her the benefit of the doubt and hope she can use the rest of 2019 to either planning for a friend or family member to come to her new location to be on call; or try to make local friends who can be on call; hiring someone (a sibling doula; a babysitter; a nanny). Bottom line...she has TONS of good ideas here and also the benefit of another 5-6 MONTHS to make a plan. GL to you OP. You have lots of time but need to make a step towards a solution next. Like another PP said you can’t make a copy of your DH so he can be with you and the other one can be watching your kid. If you were due in two weeks it’s be a different story but you have half a year to make a (very simple) plan.