How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?

[Anonymous]

We have nobody. I gave birth to no. 2 alone. It was a planned C so not as big of a deal as labor.

[Anonymous]

You need to either use an on-call babysitter, or if you don’t have any friends in the area, have a friend or family member fly in around the time you expect to give birth. If it’s during the summer maybe you have a high school or college aged cousin or niece or nephew or family friend who could come out and stay a couple of weeks to help with your older child a bit as you transition home with the second child? Of course you would pay them to sweeten the deal. You’ve got a lot going on with this move and an upcoming baby being born, but your lack of planning and jumping down peoples throats who call you out for that is ridiculous. Maybe it’s the hormones and stress at work? Regardless, good luck to you. There are lots and lots of solutions you just have to find what works for you because duplicating your husband so he can stay home with your baby and his twin can be in the delivery room with you is certainly not going to happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have nobody. I gave birth to no. 2 alone. It was a planned C so not as big of a deal as labor.

+1. I just delivered #2 alone (unmedicated vaginal birth) because the baby came faster than DH could drop #1 at daycare and get back to the hospital. The L&D nurse was very helpful and there were OBs right there when I was ready to push. I wouldn't have wanted the situation for #1, but it was fine for #2.

[Anonymous]

OP, we are in a similar position to you, and we are using a sibling Doula through NOVA Birth Partners (baby due in August). We considered a lot of different options, including flying in family ahead of time, having local friends or babysitters on call, etc., and the sibling Doula seemed like the best solution for us. Our main reason for going with the Sibling Doula was that it guaranteed that we would have someone to watch the older sibling, and so we have one less thing to worry about. There are a few other organizations around the DC metro area that also have Sibling Doulas. We got to interview, meet in person and chose the sibling doula we eventually chose and were not asked to put down any money until we had specifically chosen our doula.

They are a bit pricey and I understand that that might make using a Sibling Doula prohibitive for some (about $500 to have them on call, for 24 hours of care when you do call them). However, especially since we are expecting over summer, when lots of people travel, we decided to go with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry the previous posters are being so rude and unsupportive. I am new to the area too so don't have any answers, but I'm sure there are overnight doula agencies that provide care in situations like this. Also, if you join some of the local FB mom groups and post your question there, I'm sure you will get some helpful responses. Good luck. Even though we lived in a city where I had friends and a SIL I could call on, it was still SO stressful to think about the various scenerios when I went into labor with #2.

If you get a doula for delivery then your DH can take care of your DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Care.com

Sorry people on here are being turds. Try care.com, you should be able to find someone to be on-call there.

+1 Ask your neighbors about local listservs where you can advertise for a sitter. Sign up for "nextdoor". This is a good time of year because lots of high school/college students are looking for jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends

OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.

You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)

Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.

I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?

OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really think you should reconsider opting for major abdominal surgery if you are a good candidate for a VBAC simply because it’s hard to find childcare. Seriously. What is going to happen when you go into labor before your scheduled C date?

What is going to happen for any of the other 900 situations with 2 kids where you need help on short notice? I just had to take my kid to the ER recently because he stuck something in his ear. Or parent teacher conferences for the older kid. You need a few friends/people/neighbors that you can call on in a pinch. It’s just part of living in society.

You think c sections only happen if they're scheduled?

Scheduled or not, c sections happen. The issue is finding care on short notice regardless of how the new baby comes out of the mother

Her husband can watch the kid. A c section is way easier to do without a support partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends

OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.

You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)

Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.

I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?

OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.

OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.

[Anonymous]

you have 5 months to find a sitter. if delivery happens to be overnight, toughen up and have the baby on your own. many women, including me, have given birth solo. it's not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you have 5 months to find a sitter. if delivery happens to be overnight, toughen up and have the baby on your own. many women, including me, have given birth solo. it's not the end of the world.

+ 1 ask your new neighbors about local listservs to find sitters and mention your predicament. and you have 5 months in which you will maybe make a friend who volunteers to watch your kid.

[Anonymous]

Are you religious at all? Join a family-friendly church. Our church community is very welcoming and would make sure your older child had a babysitter, and that your kitchen is stocked when you get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, people on this thread are being over the top mean! I'm afraid I don't have a solution, I'm trying to figure the same thing out, but this level of belittling and lack of empathy is unreal. I actually read a bunch of responses to my DH and he was flabbergasted too.

I am flabbergasted that you, your husband and OP have ZERO friends. Why don’t you all just get together and watch each other’s kid on birthing day?

You're flabbergasted that people relocate all the time and do not have friends right away. You sound dumb.

You still live in your hometown and hang out with your friends from high school? The rest of us have grown up and moved new places, where no, you don't have friends you'd trust with your kid with within two weeks of living there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends

OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.

You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)

Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.

I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?

OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.

OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.

I'm sympathetic to your plight, but I agree.

[Anonymous]

Get a doula to accompany you to the birth. Be sure to get someone who has a backup doula arrangement in case she is attending another birth when you need her. Husband stays at home with kid. They can come see you once baby’s born, spend the day with you in hospital, and then head back home for the night. If all goes well, you will be in hospital 3 days at the most. It’s not that hard!