Is there an age where the whole wedding thing needs to chill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

Nobody “owes” you a 3 day destination bachelorette. Not unless you were a bridezilla yourself and your friends indulged you. Then yes, you owe them.

[Anonymous]

I feel like a three day bachelorette weekend with penis sashes is over the top no matter what age you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 26 and did all the traditional wedding festivities. I still do it for my friends but the bachelorette parties are now hiking through Big Sur or white water rafting. I have another that is a wine trip through Sonoma. So I find these things way more enjoyable now. If I was getting married now it would feel very silly to have the same stuff that I did at 26.

So fun! Can I join next time.

[Anonymous]

I think that weddings deserve the same amount of attention and enthusiasm no matter what the bride's age.

That said, I kind of see your point. My friends that got married later had bachelorette parties that were more nice dinner and wine bar than penis parade through the club. So, not really less of a celebration, just a different type. But, if the bride really wants the penis parade party, go along with it. It's her turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

My 38-42 cousins and sister and I just had an amazing time in Vegas, including whooping it up in the club. One of us is a pastor, so that's not exactly our usual habitat. Do we ever do that kind of stuff IRL? No, and that was the point. It was once-in-a-blue-moon experience, which was part of the fun. We had no business being there; that was rather the point!

Geez, it's OK to do something out of the ordinary every once in a while. One of my cousins didn't want to try a sushi restaurant, but ended up trying it and loving every single dish we got at the table. Good thing she tried something new and was game for an adventure.

You’re missing the point. By the time you’re in your mid 30’s going on a clubbing bachelorette weekend is the opposite of an adventure. You’ve done it in college, you’ve gone on bachelorette weekends before and it’s ... boring. It’s repetitive

Can we do something new, or at least fun? Please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

My 38-42 cousins and sister and I just had an amazing time in Vegas, including whooping it up in the club. One of us is a pastor, so that's not exactly our usual habitat. Do we ever do that kind of stuff IRL? No, and that was the point. It was once-in-a-blue-moon experience, which was part of the fun. We had no business being there; that was rather the point!

Geez, it's OK to do something out of the ordinary every once in a while. One of my cousins didn't want to try a sushi restaurant, but ended up trying it and loving every single dish we got at the table. Good thing she tried something new and was game for an adventure.

You’re missing the point. By the time you’re in your mid 30’s going on a clubbing bachelorette weekend is the opposite of an adventure. You’ve done it in college, you’ve gone on bachelorette weekends before and it’s ... boring. It’s repetitive

Can we do something new, or at least fun? Please?

No, you're missing the point. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

My 38-42 cousins and sister and I just had an amazing time in Vegas, including whooping it up in the club. One of us is a pastor, so that's not exactly our usual habitat. Do we ever do that kind of stuff IRL? No, and that was the point. It was once-in-a-blue-moon experience, which was part of the fun. We had no business being there; that was rather the point!

Geez, it's OK to do something out of the ordinary every once in a while. One of my cousins didn't want to try a sushi restaurant, but ended up trying it and loving every single dish we got at the table. Good thing she tried something new and was game for an adventure.

You’re missing the point. By the time you’re in your mid 30’s going on a clubbing bachelorette weekend is the opposite of an adventure. You’ve done it in college, you’ve gone on bachelorette weekends before and it’s ... boring. It’s repetitive

Can we do something new, or at least fun? Please?

I don't like the clubbing thing, but happily went when my best friend was getting married, and that's what SHE, the BRIDE, wanted to do. It wasn't about what "we" wanted to do.

I find wine tastings boring AF, but happily went when my sister was getting married.

It's. Not. Always. About. You. It's not even always about the group. Sometimes, for one lousy time in a bride's life, when she's done her fair share of up-sucking and participating for other people, it's about the bride. Especially a bride in her 30s who has probably already run a full gamut of Not About Me Experiences as part of a bridal party or friend group.

[Anonymous]

OP it’s a season of life. One day (maybe this one) it will be the last wedding for a long time. It happened at just the right time for me. The last wedding— everyone was married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

My 38-42 cousins and sister and I just had an amazing time in Vegas, including whooping it up in the club. One of us is a pastor, so that's not exactly our usual habitat. Do we ever do that kind of stuff IRL? No, and that was the point. It was once-in-a-blue-moon experience, which was part of the fun. We had no business being there; that was rather the point!

Geez, it's OK to do something out of the ordinary every once in a while. One of my cousins didn't want to try a sushi restaurant, but ended up trying it and loving every single dish we got at the table. Good thing she tried something new and was game for an adventure.

You’re missing the point. By the time you’re in your mid 30’s going on a clubbing bachelorette weekend is the opposite of an adventure. You’ve done it in college, you’ve gone on bachelorette weekends before and it’s ... boring. It’s repetitive

Can we do something new, or at least fun? Please?

I don't like the clubbing thing, but happily went when my best friend was getting married, and that's what SHE, the BRIDE, wanted to do. It wasn't about what "we" wanted to do.

I find wine tastings boring AF, but happily went when my sister was getting married.

It's. Not. Always. About. You. It's not even always about the group. Sometimes, for one lousy time in a bride's life, when she's done her fair share of up-sucking and participating for other people, it's about the bride. Especially a bride in her 30s who has probably already run a full gamut of Not About Me Experiences as part of a bridal party or friend group.

+1

Bravo. I think there are some miserable people who like to hate on everything, especially hate one brides. OP, if it triggers you so much, do the bride a favor and stay home.

[Anonymous]

Certainly parties are for the person being celebrated.

It is also true that a good host helps everyone to feel included. So if one of my most favorite things was Karaoke, I might skip it if my bridesmaids were tone deaf, sound sensitive, or had tinnitus. I’d enjoy myself more knowing that my guests were comfortable and happy too, so given that there are lots of things I love doing, I’d choose a least a couple of activities that felt a little more inclusive. Besides which, I’m the kind of person who tends to want to have a party that’s different from the ones that the guests have been to before. Now that I’m in my late 30’s, there’s no way my wedding would look the same if I planned it today, versus when I was in my mid-20’s. My interests have evolved so much, and my priorities have changed.

All of that said, if the bride has already done her planning and the email chains have started, there’s no righting this ship. The messy bachelorette party is going down. Perhaps recommend good restaurants or chill clubs to go to?

[Anonymous]

For me it kind of depends..I'm 38. I'm definitely not too old to dance in clubs or bars. I hope I never feel too old for that. My friends and I do pick places that are more mixed age crowds, not shitty dives for 24 year olds. I'm not about to wear a costume or matching shit but honestly that was cheesy when I was 25. I think I knew 1 bachelorette that I was at that did that. Penis stuff is dumb but I feel like of you do that in hotel rooms or the home you rent and not at a nice restaurant then whatever, just roll with it.

I go on girls weekends annually. We go to dinner, dance, hang out in, whatever. You don't age out of that stuff. It's what memories and friends are built on IMO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious - did your cousin do all of these things for you when you got married?

I guarantee the answer is yes and OP I now wants to opt out of cousin’s events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

My 38-42 cousins and sister and I just had an amazing time in Vegas, including whooping it up in the club. One of us is a pastor, so that's not exactly our usual habitat. Do we ever do that kind of stuff IRL? No, and that was the point. It was once-in-a-blue-moon experience, which was part of the fun. We had no business being there; that was rather the point!

Geez, it's OK to do something out of the ordinary every once in a while. One of my cousins didn't want to try a sushi restaurant, but ended up trying it and loving every single dish we got at the table. Good thing she tried something new and was game for an adventure.

You’re missing the point. By the time you’re in your mid 30’s going on a clubbing bachelorette weekend is the opposite of an adventure. You’ve done it in college, you’ve gone on bachelorette weekends before and it’s ... boring. It’s repetitive

Can we do something new, or at least fun? Please?

No, you're missing the point. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

Okay... First, you write 2 paragraphs about how you need to open to trying something new - and you might like it! I explain that this type of bachelorette is more like something we’ve all done and don’t enjoy doing anymore.

Now you switch to “it’s not about you!” which, I agree with. And I would suck it up and go for a good friend. Though, I would probably follow the OPs MO and vent a lot about having to go - anonymously, of course.

[Anonymous]

She is of course entitled to celebrate any way she likes. That said, a bunch of 40-year olds with penis headbands looks gross. At that point of life you can find equally grand but more tasteful ways to celebrate where you can still feel a center of attention and love without the yuck factor. Mutton dressing as lamb is not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

My 38-42 cousins and sister and I just had an amazing time in Vegas, including whooping it up in the club. One of us is a pastor, so that's not exactly our usual habitat. Do we ever do that kind of stuff IRL? No, and that was the point. It was once-in-a-blue-moon experience, which was part of the fun. We had no business being there; that was rather the point!

Geez, it's OK to do something out of the ordinary every once in a while. One of my cousins didn't want to try a sushi restaurant, but ended up trying it and loving every single dish we got at the table. Good thing she tried something new and was game for an adventure.

You’re missing the point. By the time you’re in your mid 30’s going on a clubbing bachelorette weekend is the opposite of an adventure. You’ve done it in college, you’ve gone on bachelorette weekends before and it’s ... boring. It’s repetitive

Can we do something new, or at least fun? Please?

No, you're missing the point. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

Okay... First, you write 2 paragraphs about how you need to open to trying something new - and you might like it! I explain that this type of bachelorette is more like something we’ve all done and don’t enjoy doing anymore.

Now you switch to “it’s not about you!” which, I agree with. And I would suck it up and go for a good friend. Though, I would probably follow the OPs MO and vent a lot about having to go - anonymously, of course.

Honey, you're responding to two different people. I'm cousins in Vegas poster; another poster said it's not about you.