Is there an age where the whole wedding thing needs to chill?

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps you feel a celebratory quilting bee with sips from the cordial bottle to be more appropriate?

And of course, a hushed courthouse wedding, and cake and punch reception, as anything more for such an old maid is overly flashy and inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

You can choose not to go. You can't choose how she decides to celebrate. People get married at later ages. It's 2019. I say this as someone who got married at 27. I still support all of my friends when they get married---whether it's 33 or 40.

[Anonymous]

It was narcissistic in your 20's too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. The stuff 20 year olds do for wedding events are pretty tacky and gross. By mid 30s, everyone should have developed some better taste. But, I guess not![/quote]

+1
and I imagine other bridesmaids will think similar to you, OP, but no one feels comfortable saying it out loud

[Anonymous]

She's "owed" this, yes. As you said, you should go to what you want to and show up excited.

But yeah, I also would hope that eventually we can all look around and realize being at the club at 40 is not a lot of people's idea of fun and plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Oh, I am going. And wearing a penis sash. And "ooooooo-ing" when we all drink pink cocktails. And all the other stuff she wants. Bc I love her and she wants this.

But I will say here I would rather be in bed. Or if I could really choose, rather be at a fun concert or a cooking class or christ, even a strip club. But pumping music and sashes and heels at 3am makes me pre-tired.

[Anonymous]

I think it might just be your group of friends then. I think certain personalities wouldn't do the big bachelorette weekends regardless of age. I got married at 27. I didn't want my friends to have to pay too much for, well, anything basically, so we opened gifts at my apartment because it was centrally located, went to dinner at a fun thai restaurant nearby with good drinks and then danced at a club. This was in NYC.

[Anonymous]

The last one of these my friend group did, in our mid 30s, most of us with kids, ended with the bride to be passed out well before the rest of us (tried to party like we were still in our 20s) and the rest of us tucked into our hotel beds chit chatting and asleep before midnight.

But I’d still go and do what the bride wanted because likely, like my last friend to get married, she had shown up for us when it was our turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Oh, I am going. And wearing a penis sash. And "ooooooo-ing" when we all drink pink cocktails. And all the other stuff she wants. Bc I love her and she wants this.

But I will say here I would rather be in bed. Or if I could really choose, rather be at a fun concert or a cooking class or christ, even a strip club. But pumping music and sashes and heels at 3am makes me pre-tired.

I'd def wear heels to a strip club though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was narcissistic in your 20's too.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Oh, I am going. And wearing a penis sash. And "ooooooo-ing" when we all drink pink cocktails. And all the other stuff she wants. Bc I love her and she wants this.

But I will say here I would rather be in bed. Or if I could really choose, rather be at a fun concert or a cooking class or christ, even a strip club. But pumping music and sashes and heels at 3am makes me pre-tired.

Glad to hear that, OP. Remember that she'll do everything later. If she chooses to have kids or whatever it is, it will be later than your friend group. Try not to have a jaded BTDT attitude towards it. This is good practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Oh, I am going. And wearing a penis sash. And "ooooooo-ing" when we all drink pink cocktails. And all the other stuff she wants. Bc I love her and she wants this.

But I will say here I would rather be in bed. Or if I could really choose, rather be at a fun concert or a cooking class or christ, even a strip club. But pumping music and sashes and heels at 3am makes me pre-tired.

Totally sympathize. I'm tired just reading about it! But I think probably more than an age thing it's a stage-of-life thing. I got married late and had my kid 10-15 years later than most of my college friends, and we've pretty much all followed the same path but at shifted stages in accordance with when we hit various mileposts. At 26 my first college friend to get married and have a baby immediately turned into what I now have suddenly become in my 40s. Anyway, I bet you'll all have a great time...just drink a lot of water!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was narcissistic in your 20's too.

Thank you.

I personally hate weddings. But I'm not everybody. If she wants to whoop it up, she can whoop it up. There's no age limit on that.

[Anonymous]

You're horrible. A bride either gets her day, or she doesn't. Age doesn't matter. You're either a good friend/cousin/supporter, or you're not. If you're not, and you received attention and love and support and excitement from her for your wedding, know that you are a TAKER.

I was 32 when I got married and I already felt I was "over" the over-the-top stuff, but I was so glad my cousins, sister, and closest friends offered to celebrate any way I wanted, and made sure "dont' you want more?" when I wanted to keep things fairly low-key. I was the last of my cousins, sister and closest friends to get married, but they were just as there for me as I had been there for them across a decade or so of weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Oh, I am going. And wearing a penis sash. And "ooooooo-ing" when we all drink pink cocktails. And all the other stuff she wants. Bc I love her and she wants this.

But I will say here I would rather be in bed. Or if I could really choose, rather be at a fun concert or a cooking class or christ, even a strip club. But pumping music and sashes and heels at 3am makes me pre-tired.

OK, Barb.