Why is it so easy for some women to find a husband and not others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I don't think marrying your first boyfriend is winning.

Why?

I know a girl who married her first boyfriend that she met at 23. He is smart rich good looking and has a great job. He is also madly in love with her. She couldn’t be happier.

That's a sample of one.

And why do you think it's universally a problem to marry your first BF?

No experience. You're putting all your eggs in one basket with no comparison to what else could be out there for you. See the DCUM thread on marrying young and then wanting out of the marriage in your 40's. But hey, some people would just rather be married than actually have a successful, fulfilling marriage.

I met my future husband at 19. He was my third boyfriend. We have a successful, fulfilling, happy marriage. Married 15 years, together 20, 3 kids.

So now you have a larger sample size.

Do you work?

How is that relevant to the success of a marriage?

probably effects your percption of success if you have fewer options to leave.

[Anonymous]

It seems like there are a lot of people replying to this thread who think it’s IMPOSSIBLE to be happy with someone you married before the age of 30.

[Anonymous]

I think the bottom line is that a lot of middle aged men simply arent relationship material. They are in jail, poorly educated, mentally ill, or raised by mothers who were doormats. They can't participate in a modern egalitarian marriage with both parties working and caring for the house/kids. A lot of women just prefer being single , rather than taking on a couch potato, a non-earner, or a resentful incel-type who thinks the world owes him a girlfriend.

Men who are 40 and under seem to have more of the necessary skills and are much better at pulling their weight around the house.

[Anonymous]

I am so grateful i didn't marry my first dozen boyfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the bottom line is that a lot of middle aged men simply arent relationship material. They are in jail, poorly educated, mentally ill, or raised by mothers who were doormats. They can't participate in a modern egalitarian marriage with both parties working and caring for the house/kids. A lot of women just prefer being single , rather than taking on a couch potato, a non-earner, or a resentful incel-type who thinks the world owes him a girlfriend.

Men who are 40 and under seem to have more of the necessary skills and are much better at pulling their weight around the house.

I think the bottom line is that a lot of middle-aged women will be waiting a long time for Brad Pitt to call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

PP here - I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m quirky, very assertive, despise coyness, and my sense of style varies according to mood and setting. I had no trouble getting married. You’re giving terrible advice on how to attract a backwards, insecure misogynist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I don't think marrying your first boyfriend is winning.

Why?

I know a girl who married her first boyfriend that she met at 23. He is smart rich good looking and has a great job. He is also madly in love with her. She couldn’t be happier.

For every story like this, there are a thousand that don't work out. I believe the older you are when you marry for the first time, the less likely you are to divorce. If I'd married any of my first 4 boyfriends, I'd definitely be divorced by now. My friend married the boyfriend she had since freshman year in college. I know she wishes she had waited and had the opportunity to date other guys. I can't IMAGINE how different I'd be if I never experienced intimacy with the 4-5 men I have loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the bottom line is that a lot of middle aged men simply arent relationship material. They are in jail, poorly educated, mentally ill, or raised by mothers who were doormats. They can't participate in a modern egalitarian marriage with both parties working and caring for the house/kids. A lot of women just prefer being single , rather than taking on a couch potato, a non-earner, or a resentful incel-type who thinks the world owes him a girlfriend.

Men who are 40 and under seem to have more of the necessary skills and are much better at pulling their weight around the house.

I think the bottom line is that a lot of middle-aged women will be waiting a long time for Brad Pitt to call.

The research is pretty clear that the women are fine . It's the men who cannot handle being alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

WTF. Just no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Amal Clooney only cares about her next designer dress and adds nothing of value to the world.

She is an international human rights lawyer. She has probably done more in the last 24 hours to add value to the world than you will do in your entire life. She doesn't have to look frumpy doing it.

And the last case she actually worked on was? She is a phony, sorry.

The least you could do is a simple search so you don't look so desperately jealous. She is representing Yazidi women against a company who has financed ISIS and committed crimes against humanity. That is just the most recent. She has been fighting for victims of ISIS, human trafficking and other atrocities for years.

Now you go. What have you done that tops the contributions of Mrs. Clooney for the greater good of the

Lol I am not jealous of a phony beard who pretends to be a human rights attorney for the cache. I have her number, sorry you are so gullible.

As for me, I am a good wife, mother, friend, and employee. I keep it moving everyday even when life gets hard. I know life is about more than flash and ego competition. If more women took pride in a simple life there would be fewer unhappy, unmarried women wondering why marriage and family didn’t magically happen for them while they were creating am enviable instagram life trying to copy phonies like Amal Clooney.

Having a vocation be primary above relationships is only going to make a very tiny percentage of women and indeed men happy. For the vast majority of people family and community will be the single most important source of meaning in their lives. So yes, it is advisable to start thinking about it on the early side and prepare yourself first and foremost to be a good spouse as defined not by yourself but by high quality people of the opposite gender.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 22. Still married at 41. Based on the experiences of several friends who married in their 30's, I don't feel like I missed much. We traveled, waited several years to have kids, and are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I don't think marrying your first boyfriend is winning.

Why?

I know a girl who married her first boyfriend that she met at 23. He is smart rich good looking and has a great job. He is also madly in love with her. She couldn’t be happier.

That's a sample of one.

And why do you think it's universally a problem to marry your first BF?

No experience. You're putting all your eggs in one basket with no comparison to what else could be out there for you. See the DCUM thread on marrying young and then wanting out of the marriage in your 40's. But hey, some people would just rather be married than actually have a successful, fulfilling marriage.

Says the unmarried woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 22. Still married at 41. Based on the experiences of several friends who married in their 30's, I don't feel like I missed much. We traveled, waited several years to have kids, and are happy.

What do you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 22. Still married at 41. Based on the experiences of several friends who married in their 30's, I don't feel like I missed much. We traveled, waited several years to have kids, and are happy.

Us too.

Married right out of college.

Waited to have kids until mid 30s.

We travelled, partied, moved around the country, pursued careers and grew up together.

We did all the things single people do, but with a loving companion.

Do not feel like we missed a thing, except then loneliness many of our unmarried or later married peers express, and the drama that comes from the dating scene.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why it matters what I do. I teach at a college part time.