Why is it so easy for some women to find a husband and not others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 28 and have not had any issues finding guys that wanted to date me since age 18. I married my second serious boyfriend. My best friend struggled to find a partner as has my cousin, and the big thing I see is a mismatch to the type of person they find attractive and who will like them back. Not like a looks or league issue just like a mismatch of personalities- for whatever reason they like people who don’t go for them, and they aren’t open to other types of people.

Why do you think this happens? Why do some women long for the types of men who aren’t into they’re type?

A lot of girls I know who are still single went for bad boy types, or playboys, or brooding artists. Those are the types that don't want to get married.

Or they expected the bad boy would be different for them, or that the powerful older man at work would leave his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 28 and have not had any issues finding guys that wanted to date me since age 18. I married my second serious boyfriend. My best friend struggled to find a partner as has my cousin, and the big thing I see is a mismatch to the type of person they find attractive and who will like them back. Not like a looks or league issue just like a mismatch of personalities- for whatever reason they like people who don’t go for them, and they aren’t open to other types of people.

Why do you think this happens? Why do some women long for the types of men who aren’t into they’re type?

A lot of girls I know who are still single went for bad boy types, or playboys, or brooding artists. Those are the types that don't want to get married.

Or they expected the bad boy would be different for them, or that the powerful older man at work would leave his wife.

Naïveté, then?

Some women are remarkably sharp and observant. They know who they attract and what changes they have to make to attract that type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

The PP sounds like the sexist poster I’ve seen before on DCUM. This poster needs to go back to the 50s. He/She is encouraging women to be submissive, not act intelligent and is demeaning feminism. Maybe it’s a troll trying to get a reaction, but it’s pretty pathetic. Quit with the stupid BS.

I think sadly PP is speaking the truth. In a perfect world, men would be chasing quirky feminists who have a unique style. But most aren’t interested in that. Men are interested in women because we are women. So they are looking for feminine qualities. Not male ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should someone rush into marriage? People change so much in their 20s. I wouldn't want to bet on my boyfriend from my early 20s turning out to be the kind of person I wanted to stay married to in my 40s.

I had good taste in men from the start. The key is to pick men who are smart, have a sense of responsiblity, character and work ethic in addition to whatever other interests you have. You can build from that.

Everyone changes even in their 30s and probably beyond so not picking someone based on being in your 20s is pointless.

I guess I should have clarified. I wouldn't worry about my spouse changing so much in his 20s as I was the one who changed.

[Anonymous]

I met my now dh when we were 20. Amazing marriage. I think we just got lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I don't think marrying your first boyfriend is winning.

Why?

I know a girl who married her first boyfriend that she met at 23. He is smart rich good looking and has a great job. He is also madly in love with her. She couldn’t be happier.

That's a sample of one.

And why do you think it's universally a problem to marry your first BF?

No experience. You're putting all your eggs in one basket with no comparison to what else could be out there for you. See the DCUM thread on marrying young and then wanting out of the marriage in your 40's. But hey, some people would just rather be married than actually have a successful, fulfilling marriage.

I met my future husband at 19. He was my third boyfriend. We have a successful, fulfilling, happy marriage. Married 15 years, together 20, 3 kids.

So now you have a larger sample size.

I'm happy to enlarge the sample even further. I met my husband my freshman year in college. He's a terrific husband and a wonderful father. We've been married for 21 years and have two great kids and fulfilling careers. Many, if not most, of my friends married their college/grad school boyfriends and are still together 20+ years on.

[Anonymous]

You need to re-phrase the question to describe someone who is HAPPILY married. I think it’s fairly easy to find just anyone to marry, but most people don’t bc they want it to be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

Argh, your pieces of advice are so outdated.

I have to admit most of those are what guys like. The "submissive" part was pretty offensive though. I didn't agree with "geeky", many are cute and make good partners.

I didn't view that PP as giving advice on what was "right" traits for women. But more or less conveying their observations of the sample size of women who got married early to their college sweetheart. I'd agree with most of what that PP stated. Women who marry young and marry well tend to not have "big" personalities, IMHO.

The pp is spot on.Not to say that other types of women don’t find their men but it takes them longer as they are special flavors only enjoyed by certain kinds of men. Look at Amal Clooney for example. She is beautiful, sophisticated and intelligent with a killer career and social status. The only man who would not be threatened by her would be George freaking Clooney. I bet she had a hard time dating when she was younger.

Average Betty who is pretty and preppy would have all the guys crushing on her. The geeks the nerds the jocks the class presidents. The normal conventionally pretty girls who are inoffensive and blend in so really well because any man can paint a story in his head with her as his wife. Men especially do not want to be outleaged and outclassed.All three girls I know who married rich successful guys are the same: conventionally pretty although not model good looks, modest but feminine in classic preppy clothes, quiet and happy to pass the spotlight to their much more successful and charming husband.

I don't believe this. I was the uber achiever in college. Student body president. Member of the board of trustees. Valedictorian. Rhodes scholar. After college I went on to impressive grad schools and now make great money. I also had my pick of guys in college. I ended up picking a great one, after dating many, and we have been married for 12 years, together for 19 years.

[Anonymous]

A lot of it is luck and being in the right place at the right time. For many of us, we went to work for a large company where there are many like-minded people and you happen to meet and fall in love with one of them. If you work long hours for a small company your opportunities for meeting someone are a lot more limited. I don’t think it’s ever easy to find a good husband so luck has a lot to do with it as well as not being fixated on too restrictive requirements. I wanted some one who was good looking, smart, fun, ambitious, sweet and kind. Height, money and pedigree didn’t matter. The guy I married had what I was looking for but at the same time he had a challenging birth disability but everything else about him was so good I didn’t care. I knew other women who couldn’t see past it but I’m so very glad I did. Over 30 years later he is off the charts successful and he’s a wonderful husband and father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 28 and have not had any issues finding guys that wanted to date me since age 18. I married my second serious boyfriend. My best friend struggled to find a partner as has my cousin, and the big thing I see is a mismatch to the type of person they find attractive and who will like them back. Not like a looks or league issue just like a mismatch of personalities- for whatever reason they like people who don’t go for them, and they aren’t open to other types of people.

Why do you think this happens? Why do some women long for the types of men who aren’t into they’re type?

A lot of girls I know who are still single went for bad boy types, or playboys, or brooding artists. Those are the types that don't want to get married.

Or they expected the bad boy would be different for them, or that the powerful older man at work would leave his wife.

This was true for me. I went for men who proclaimed themselves to be "artistic." IME, they had emotional issues that they couldn't work out. As soon as I figured out this mistake of mine, I found DH at age 34. It turns out that he is more artistic than any of my past BFs, but he does art for his own self-satisfaction, not to prove anything to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to re-phrase the question to describe someone who is HAPPILY married. I think it’s fairly easy to find just anyone to marry, but most people don’t bc they want it to be right.

But at the same time, I think people can only speak for themselves and whether they themselves are happily married. I really don't think we know whether other people we know are happily married or not, or if that's just how it looks from the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

The PP sounds like the sexist poster I’ve seen before on DCUM. This poster needs to go back to the 50s. He/She is encouraging women to be submissive, not act intelligent and is demeaning feminism. Maybe it’s a troll trying to get a reaction, but it’s pretty pathetic. Quit with the stupid BS.

I think sadly PP is speaking the truth. In a perfect world, men would be chasing quirky feminists who have a unique style. But most aren’t interested in that. Men are interested in women because we are women. So they are looking for feminine qualities. Not male ones.

You can be feminine without being submissive. You can be feminine and smart. You can be feminine and be a feminist. Being a feminist means that you support equal rights and opportunities for women. It has nothing to do with being “quirky “ or your “style.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

Argh, your pieces of advice are so outdated.

I have to admit most of those are what guys like. The "submissive" part was pretty offensive though. I didn't agree with "geeky", many are cute and make good partners.

I didn't view that PP as giving advice on what was "right" traits for women. But more or less conveying their observations of the sample size of women who got married early to their college sweetheart. I'd agree with most of what that PP stated. Women who marry young and marry well tend to not have "big" personalities, IMHO.

The pp is spot on.Not to say that other types of women don’t find their men but it takes them longer as they are special flavors only enjoyed by certain kinds of men. Look at Amal Clooney for example. She is beautiful, sophisticated and intelligent with a killer career and social status. The only man who would not be threatened by her would be George freaking Clooney. I bet she had a hard time dating when she was younger.

Average Betty who is pretty and preppy would have all the guys crushing on her. The geeks the nerds the jocks the class presidents. The normal conventionally pretty girls who are inoffensive and blend in so really well because any man can paint a story in his head with her as his wife. Men especially do not want to be outleaged and outclassed.All three girls I know who married rich successful guys are the same: conventionally pretty although not model good looks, modest but feminine in classic preppy clothes, quiet and happy to pass the spotlight to their much more successful and charming husband.

Dear god you know Amal is a beard, right?

Anyway, yes a supportive, gentle personality is highly prized by top men. Young women finding themselves should take note if they want to marry well. Being a good partner to a high quality man is a great life choice and beneficial to the woman, the man, their kids, and the community at large.

Amal Clooney only cares about her next designer dress and adds nothing of value to the world.
,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really know what to say about this because I don't necessarily consider myself happily married. Maybe more like "okay" married and we're probably not getting a divorce. Been married 12 years - 3 kids.

I dated a LOT of people between the ages of 15 and 25, before getting married at 25. I dated my HS BF for 2 years. Two college BFs for one year each. And a number of people for a few or a couple of months.

I will say that around the time I met my husband, I had recently read He's Just Not that into you - and I actually really internalized that book. I did feel like I was getting strung along by at least one person after reading that - and cut it off. And I was right that I was being strung along.

I know that I did want to get married and have kids and I suppose I made some decisions with that in mind. I know this is kind of a dumb thing to think but after college graduation I seriously thought that I might like to go abroad for a few years - but I really thought, well, if I want to get married and start a family - I want to live near-ish to my family and not in another country so I really don't think being out of the country will set me up for that necessarily. Idk if that's weird but that's my thought process. Who knows what would have happened if I went abroad! And I'm sure some people have done it and they think it's the best decision they ever made.

I was kind of a serial dater and I used to consider myself an "equal opportunity" dater. I didn't have a type per se. I was open to anyone I liked for whatever reason.

Agree with most of this. I got married at 25 to a guy I met at 21. We didn’t go to the same college. I also read He’s Just Not That Into You and it was very eye-opening for me. It made me break it off completely with a guy who was really stringing me along, and I met my future husband just a few months later. I also dated anyone and didn’t really have a type. So I didn’t have a “laundry list” of “must haves.”

I’d also add it helps to live in an area where marriage in your mid-20s is common. I grew up in the Midwest, as did my husband, and age 24-27 was like, prime time for weddings. That’s when our parents and siblings got married and many of our friends. But that seems young to a lot of people here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

Argh, your pieces of advice are so outdated.

I have to admit most of those are what guys like. The "submissive" part was pretty offensive though. I didn't agree with "geeky", many are cute and make good partners.

I didn't view that PP as giving advice on what was "right" traits for women. But more or less conveying their observations of the sample size of women who got married early to their college sweetheart. I'd agree with most of what that PP stated. Women who marry young and marry well tend to not have "big" personalities, IMHO.

The pp is spot on.Not to say that other types of women don’t find their men but it takes them longer as they are special flavors only enjoyed by certain kinds of men. Look at Amal Clooney for example. She is beautiful, sophisticated and intelligent with a killer career and social status. The only man who would not be threatened by her would be George freaking Clooney. I bet she had a hard time dating when she was younger.

Average Betty who is pretty and preppy would have all the guys crushing on her. The geeks the nerds the jocks the class presidents. The normal conventionally pretty girls who are inoffensive and blend in so really well because any man can paint a story in his head with her as his wife. Men especially do not want to be outleaged and outclassed.All three girls I know who married rich successful guys are the same: conventionally pretty although not model good looks, modest but feminine in classic preppy clothes, quiet and happy to pass the spotlight to their much more successful and charming husband.

Dear god you know Amal is a beard, right?

Anyway, yes a supportive, gentle personality is highly prized by top men. Young women finding themselves should take note if they want to marry well. Being a good partner to a high quality man is a great life choice and beneficial to the woman, the man, their kids, and the community at large.

Amal Clooney only cares about her next designer dress and adds nothing of value to the world.
,

What a sexist and misinformed post.
So... human rights lawyers add nothing of value to the world???