Why is it so easy for some women to find a husband and not others?

[Anonymous]

It's the fear of missing out, of making a commitment only to have something "better" suddenly appear. Or not trusting themselves to make the "right" decision.

Sometimes it's just circumstances, but I think you'd find that the women who are still looking into their 30s probably are the ones who can't even buy a toaster before they've performed exhaustive research, as though it were a lifetime investment. Checked the reviews, solicited opinions from friends and neighbors, verified performance characteristics on YouTube. Will the toaster last? Will it be there when I need it? Will it always toast my bread to satisfaction, or will it crap out early and force me to reenter the marketplace after only five years?

It's just a toaster. And if this one doesn't work, you'll be sad, and then you'll find the strength to throw it out, and then you'll realize that there are plenty of other toasters out there just waiting to brown your bagel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

Argh, your pieces of advice are so outdated.

I have to admit most of those are what guys like. The "submissive" part was pretty offensive though. I didn't agree with "geeky", many are cute and make good partners.

I didn't view that PP as giving advice on what was "right" traits for women. But more or less conveying their observations of the sample size of women who got married early to their college sweetheart. I'd agree with most of what that PP stated. Women who marry young and marry well tend to not have "big" personalities, IMHO.

The pp is spot on.Not to say that other types of women don’t find their men but it takes them longer as they are special flavors only enjoyed by certain kinds of men. Look at Amal Clooney for example. She is beautiful, sophisticated and intelligent with a killer career and social status. The only man who would not be threatened by her would be George freaking Clooney. I bet she had a hard time dating when she was younger.

Average Betty who is pretty and preppy would have all the guys crushing on her. The geeks the nerds the jocks the class presidents. The normal conventionally pretty girls who are inoffensive and blend in so really well because any man can paint a story in his head with her as his wife. Men especially do not want to be outleaged and outclassed.All three girls I know who married rich successful guys are the same: conventionally pretty although not model good looks, modest but feminine in classic preppy clothes, quiet and happy to pass the spotlight to their much more successful and charming husband.

I don't believe this. I was the uber achiever in college. Student body president. Member of the board of trustees. Valedictorian. Rhodes scholar. After college I went on to impressive grad schools and now make great money. I also had my pick of guys in college. I ended up picking a great one, after dating many, and we have been married for 12 years, together for 19 years.

That may have been your experience, but, in my experience, PP is spot on. I was beautiful, successful, cool, funny, warm, kind and intelligent (and I had an amazing body too!). I fell in love with 3 guys and they all dumped me and married the same type of mousy average Bettys.

All men love attractive mousy women who are happy to take a backseat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 22. Still married at 41. Based on the experiences of several friends who married in their 30's, I don't feel like I missed much. We traveled, waited several years to have kids, and are happy.

Us too.

Married right out of college.

Waited to have kids until mid 30s.

We travelled, partied, moved around the country, pursued careers and grew up together.

We did all the things single people do, but with a loving companion.

Do not feel like we missed a thing, except then loneliness many of our unmarried or later married peers express, and the drama that comes from the dating scene.

This post is just dripping with smugness.

[Anonymous]

All men love attractive mousy women who are happy to take a backseat.

Maybe, but we do love women who aren’t high maintenance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

Been married almost 10 years, and I'm the opposite of your list. So are all my close friends who are married too. I don't think this a good list at all. The biggest thing is being willing to put yourself out there, so even curvy, geeky, loud, feminists like us find husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

Except for being tall and not too curvy, I'm exactly the opposite of all of those. I've had my pick of marriage partners - 3 proposals and 2 other boyfriends that I could have married if I wanted to marry. Married at 25, still married at 50.

[Anonymous]

I'm like 1.5 for 5 on that list and yet never had a problem dating from teens to when I met my husband. I wasn't shopping for a rich husband to comfortably set me up as a SAHM, but But the guys I dated weren't into submissive, coy girls with no independent thoughts of their own.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to be reasonably attractive, intelligent and pleasant to be with, and lucky to find a great person to marry. It’s a lot easier in your twenties when most people are available. Don’t seek perfection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some women literally marry their first BF and others are looking well into their thirties.

Is it about how good looking you are? Being smarter? Luck? What?

Some women don't want to get married until they're older, for whatever reason. It might be more challenging to find a partner or it might not be. Depends on the individual.

[Anonymous]

Married immediately following college a to practically perfect in every way husband I’m still married to 13 yrs later. Considering there is an 9 yr age difference and we didn’t date very long, I do think I got extremely lucky things worked out well long term.

I think the secret to getting happily married is above all else, being secure with yourself and happy as you are. Past that, yes looks do matter but you don’t need to be a 10. Take care of yourself but not “high maintenance.” Be slightly different from your cohort and have something interesting about you that sets you apart. The rest is being in the right place at the right time. And put away your cellphone, intitiate and be receptive to conversation from those around you. I met my husband by chance out the blue and I sometimes wonder if he ever would have noticed me or spoke a word to me had we both had cellphones we were puttering with.

[Anonymous]

Momma always said: Person, Place, Timing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My single friends who are finding it extremely hard are either a) incredibly selective (he has to be a certain height and income), or b) not really doing anything to meet someone (work long hours, don't do the bar scene or any other singles-friendly activities, don't want to date online).

How about the ones who find a husband actually LIKE men and perhaps their lives? I see so many women who are totally made up-ton of make-up, obviously dyed blonde, resting bitch face, look unapproachable. What man interested in settling down is going to buy into that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who are better looking, more confident/outgoing/secure in their attractiveness, around more eligible men, and more interested in dating will have an easier time. All things held equal, however, a lot is good fortune.

I think a lot also has to do with knowing the demographic you appeal to. I have had an easier time in love than my sister. I am taller, thinner, and more conventionally attractive. But she has a prettier face and is more outgoing and social. Crucially, however, we have similar tastes in men, but those men tend to go for women more like me. I think she adopted my tastes without considering if they would work for her. She would have done better, for instance, pursuing men who are more likely to value curves.

But a lot of it is still luck IMO.

There is a certain kind of girl/woman who has a lot of luck in terms of dating and marrying early.

From what I observe:

-conventionally attractive. Talk to medium height, thin, natural curves to be feminine but not too curvy
- styles like a “basic b*tch. Conservative and feminine clothing that accentuates body and conveys sexuality without being too in your face. Subtle makeup that highlights features,long straight hair, toned body
- conventional interests. Don’t be quirky. Goths, comic book nerds and geeky girls do not apply.
- be submissive and feminine, no loud mouth feminists or super smart nerdy girls who can out do the guys socially or professionally.
- know how to be subtly sexy, be coy and girly. Project the female energy so guys pick up on it.

Argh, your pieces of advice are so outdated.

I have to admit most of those are what guys like. The "submissive" part was pretty offensive though. I didn't agree with "geeky", many are cute and make good partners.

I didn't view that PP as giving advice on what was "right" traits for women. But more or less conveying their observations of the sample size of women who got married early to their college sweetheart. I'd agree with most of what that PP stated. Women who marry young and marry well tend to not have "big" personalities, IMHO.

The pp is spot on.Not to say that other types of women don’t find their men but it takes them longer as they are special flavors only enjoyed by certain kinds of men. Look at Amal Clooney for example. She is beautiful, sophisticated and intelligent with a killer career and social status. The only man who would not be threatened by her would be George freaking Clooney. I bet she had a hard time dating when she was younger.

Average Betty who is pretty and preppy would have all the guys crushing on her. The geeks the nerds the jocks the class presidents. The normal conventionally pretty girls who are inoffensive and blend in so really well because any man can paint a story in his head with her as his wife. Men especially do not want to be outleaged and outclassed.All three girls I know who married rich successful guys are the same: conventionally pretty although not model good looks, modest but feminine in classic preppy clothes, quiet and happy to pass the spotlight to their much more successful and charming husband.

I don't believe this. I was the uber achiever in college. Student body president. Member of the board of trustees. Valedictorian. Rhodes scholar. After college I went on to impressive grad schools and now make great money. I also had my pick of guys in college. I ended up picking a great one, after dating many, and we have been married for 12 years, together for 19 years.

That may have been your experience, but, in my experience, PP is spot on. I was beautiful, successful, cool, funny, warm, kind and intelligent (and I had an amazing body too!). I fell in love with 3 guys and they all dumped me and married the same type of mousy average Bettys.

The question this raises for me is why you wasted so much time on insecure guys? I was always looking for someone who wasn't threatened by my big personality. I wanted to marry my biggest supporter (and I wanted to be his biggest supporter in return). I highly suspect I would have dumped those three losers long before I could fall in love with them. I was 100% unwilling, particularly at that point in my life, to be with someone who wasn't 110% on board with my ambition.

I have always earned more than my husband, though he is also very successful. We always always cheer each other on. It's the foundation to our relationship. I honestly think there is no jealousy because we both started from nothing and got together so young. My successes have always been our successes, from the meals he cooked for me during law school to being a primary caregiver for our kids when I needed to work long hours as a junior lawyer. I do the same for him and his career. We are a team.

[Anonymous]

I have had multiple proposals (said yes to the last one). I swear guys proposed because I did NOT want to get married. I am now married and generally feel suffocated. I'm just a VERY independent woman. There is something crazy about men but the least marriageable type, they want. They are obsessed with the chase. And whenever I get particularly stir crazy, my husband can tell and suddenly the poems, roses, and chocolates start like he is triggered to woo me whenever I even start to think about being sola.

[Anonymous]

I was never interested in marriage, but I had several long-term boyfriends, starting at about 15-16, until I was in my early forties, when my husband-to-be turned up out of nowhere.