Do Women Really Not Want to Work?

[Anonymous]

It’s hard for me to identify because my mom and aunts all work outside the home as do all of my close friends. My DH’s family is savvy with money and both his mom and his grandmother worked outside the home though they took some time off when the kids were young. So although I think there is some social status in having a spouse that earns enough in this expensive area to SAH, that’s not really the set I run with. With my friends it appears the DH’s are involved and they have family nearby that are also in the mix.

So anyway, I can’t speak for your wife, but I preferred to work as long as I am happy at my job and my DH is sharing the household tasks.

[Anonymous]

When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Of course I would prefer to not work. So would my husband. But that doesn’t mean we’d do childcare all day. We would do more interesting things instead of work that didn’t bring money. Study for a PhD, learn another language, volunteer and yes be home with the kids after school etc. Mine is a toddler so she’d still go to preschool.
But if it’s between staying home and losing my income (which is 1/2 our hhi) and only doing kid and home stuff, I’d rather work and have my decently flexible schedule where I can have early days most days and take off when I need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

It’s so cute that someone who depends on another adult to pay their bills talks about self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to work, I have no kids, and the world will spin right on whether or not I "contribute" to it (how much do any of us REALLY "contribute to the world"?), I would rather spend my life taking classes and learning about new things/concepts, than moving widgets all day, or making a whole lot of money for some already grossly rich person or banging my head up against a wall at some nonprofit that will never solve or eradicate the problem for which it was created. I'm good.

+1000

I can't help but laugh at how ego driven some of these posts are

So what highbrow new concepts are you learning? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?

[Anonymous]

OP,

I got a graduate degree purely for academic interest, not because I wanted a career. I have no professional ambitions at all. All I have ever wanted in life is to have kids and educate them according to my lights, and I have had the great joy and luck to be able to do that. One of them has special needs, so that has been an added challenge.

However, now they're older, my usual volunteering seems a little unfulfilling. Perhaps I will work for money one day. In my field, or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

It’s so cute that someone who depends on another adult to pay their bills talks about self-esteem.

It's so cute how people think they know strangers online! I do work, actually... but I can think of plenty of reasons why someone would not want to, plenty of ways to entertain myself aside from a job, plenty of characteristics that make me a worthy human regardless of what my job is or if I have one, and I have no delusions that I am irreplaceable in any workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

It’s so cute that someone who depends on another adult to pay their bills talks about self-esteem.

It's so cute how people think they know strangers online! I do work, actually... but I can think of plenty of reasons why someone would not want to, plenty of ways to entertain myself aside from a job, plenty of characteristics that make me a worthy human regardless of what my job is or if I have one, and I have no delusions that I am irreplaceable in any workplace.

+1 Exactly. I work but if I didn't have to, I'd find many better ways to spend my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

It’s so cute that someone who depends on another adult to pay their bills talks about self-esteem.

NP here, but I work and I still depend on my spouse to pay the bills, because he makes more than me.

[Anonymous]

My mom raised five kids as a SAHM. I dare you to tell her she didn’t work.

[Anonymous]

I didn't get un-depressed until I got a professional job. Just my experience. I loved being home with my babies for almost 10 years but was getting a masters and volunteering and temping to prep for working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are extremely insecure OP. You wife is not blaming you for anything, that is in your head. She doesn't resent you, you are the one with perceived slights that she makes. You are the one who thinks he should have done better career wise. Women comment, and talk, men lack the ability to listen. She is talking about it, not wanting you to earn more. You are so tiresome with your perception that she emasculates you. It makes you unlikable.

I don't know where that comes from. I'm generally very happy in my career. I make a decent income - we would be in the top 5% of HHI even if DW did not work. I chose my career largely for the experience it would bring. I wanted international travel out of my career more than anything and I've had it in spades. Lived in 7 countries and traveled to another 32. Several years ago a client's wife commented to me that I had the "coolest job." I said had more of lifestyle than a job. If I had to do my same job, and be only in the United States in some office, then yeah, I might be dissatisfied, but I am not.

There's a lot more to life than money, a big house and a fancy car.

But I will turn the question around. How many women on these boards would be happy with a DH who expected not to work but to pursue his hobbies and interests while she went to work? Very few, I reckon.

There is a lot of discussion about SAHMs. My original question really wasn't about SAHM. My DW cannot be a SAHM. Kids have flown the coop. She just wants to be at home doing whatever other than "work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

It’s so cute that someone who depends on another adult to pay their bills talks about self-esteem.

New poster and SAHM here. My self worth is incredibly high because I am irreplaceable. There is no one on earth that can take care of my family as well as I can. It’s very rewarding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

It’s so cute that someone who depends on another adult to pay their bills talks about self-esteem.

New poster and SAHM here. My self worth is incredibly high because I am irreplaceable. There is no one on earth that can take care of my family as well as I can. It’s very rewarding.

They would miss you when you’re gone, but don’t kid yourself. You’re also not irreplaceable.

I work and I have no delusions about being replaceable, but I’ve touched a lot ofnlives and helped a lot of people so far and will continue to do so. It’s not about being irreplaceable to me. It’s about helping others who have been hurt and wronged and to be able to do that daily, and receive a simple tearful thank you, is so rewarding. Especially for me when it’s like, someone from another background or social world where we would never really cross paths. It really makes life feel like it’s about something bigger.

[Anonymous]

Different poster here. Of course she is irreplaceable. The only person you're irreplaceable to is your children.