Do Women Really Not Want to Work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are women still really looking for a man who makes enough money so they don’t have to work? My DWsems very jealous of my SIL who is a SAHM. I will note that my brother is not a “high earner” in the DCUM sense. He’s an O-6 in the army. But she gets all the perks and social status of bring an officer’s wife. I will also add my DW had her SAHM days, but our kids are grown and in college. She also has an Ivy degree and likes things like fancy cars. So, if you didn’t expect to work why did yo ge the degree and if you want to stay at home you’ll need to sacrifice ... no more fancy cars, designer handbags, etc. I’m willing to work in this p, but you’ll be driving a Honda and shopping at Walmart.

Why must "women" answer for your wife's wishes and desires? We are all different and so can't answer for your wife directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

DP. You're assuming every high earner wishes he didn't have to work, which isn't true.

Lol! My high earning DH HATES working. We are really power saving and only spending 25% of our combined net income (I work to help accelerate retirement). The second we have 10M invested we are retiring. Target is age 52 as soon as our 2nd child is in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

PP here. I get what you're saying but he has a really sweet gig. He has a ton of flexibility - he can basically come and go as he likes as long as he gets his stuff done. He only works about 55 hours a week. Short 10 minute commute. He gets six weeks off a year, which we use to travel. One of the reasons he's always been against having me go back to work is that it would really restrict our ability to travel (first world problem, I know). Plus he likes the people he works with and likes what he does. He has a lot of creative control and autonomy.

ONLY 55 hours a week?

[Anonymous]

OP- How does your wife’s job match up with her skills and interests? Is it flexible? Is she in a position of authority and respect commeserate with her skills? Did she have to start her career all over again after she went back to work while yours was merrily trucking along? What is your HHI and what percentage of her job contributes to that? Now that you are both back in the working world, did you pick up more of the household tasks?

[Anonymous]

I wish I lived in a country where the work/life balance was better (shorter workweek, lots of holidays) and childcare (early and after-school) was more affordable. If I lived in one I would have kept working. Happily.

But for our family it makes more sense to be a trailing spouse, freeing DH to go after big promotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

PP here. I get what you're saying but he has a really sweet gig. He has a ton of flexibility - he can basically come and go as he likes as long as he gets his stuff done. He only works about 55 hours a week. Short 10 minute commute. He gets six weeks off a year, which we use to travel. One of the reasons he's always been against having me go back to work is that it would really restrict our ability to travel (first world problem, I know). Plus he likes the people he works with and likes what he does. He has a lot of creative control and autonomy.

ONLY 55 hours a week?

NP. Seems pretty good for that kind of money. Usually you hear about BigLaw partners or surgeons working really demanding hours, like 65 +/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a country where the work/life balance was better (shorter workweek, lots of holidays) and childcare (early and after-school) was more affordable. If I lived in one I would have kept working. Happily.

But for our family it makes more sense to be a trailing spouse, freeing DH to go after big promotions.

+ 1

I wish the people who asked these questions and made judgement about this stuff could recognize that we DON'T live in an ideal society and we all have to make do with less than ideal choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me men want to work? I could have sworn DH told me if we won that billion mega millions he was going to retire that day, or two weeks notice but take vacation time. With his profession he can retire by 50. Nobody really wants to work, but we all somehow work, SAHMs too, and it sounds like your wife is getting older and is ready to retire. I wouldn't assume she wants to be a SAHM(your kids are in college so she can't be sahm anymore anyway.... have sleepless nights, etc...I don't think this is a gender difference, why work if you can do without? Sounds like she is still working. There is an issue men have, and that is that they assume women want them to fix things, and most comments are interpreted as some criticism of them. You are posting about this because you have been conditioned since childhood to think you are a failure if you don't provide the best for your family and wife. It is a common thread in patriarchal societies. Meaning, your own mind set is influencing your perception of her needs and wants.

LOL so the patriarchy allows women a choice to work, take a less demanding or not work while men are expected to work to provide for the family. Sounds like a really good deal for the women. Guess it is a woman privilege thing? Is your husband a SAHP?

[Anonymous]

Does anyone like working? I’m lucky that I enjoy the field I’m in but I still dream about winning the lottery and doing it on my own terms and not on a schedule dictated by management.

[Anonymous]

I'd love the flexibility to take a few years off and then return. Nearly every sahm I know had trouble getting a new job and I don't want to be stuck like that. Even if I could take a year unpaid and then return I would happily. I'm a fed so I do need the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me men want to work? I could have sworn DH told me if we won that billion mega millions he was going to retire that day, or two weeks notice but take vacation time. With his profession he can retire by 50. Nobody really wants to work, but we all somehow work, SAHMs too, and it sounds like your wife is getting older and is ready to retire. I wouldn't assume she wants to be a SAHM(your kids are in college so she can't be sahm anymore anyway.... have sleepless nights, etc...I don't think this is a gender difference, why work if you can do without? Sounds like she is still working. There is an issue men have, and that is that they assume women want them to fix things, and most comments are interpreted as some criticism of them. You are posting about this because you have been conditioned since childhood to think you are a failure if you don't provide the best for your family and wife. It is a common thread in patriarchal societies. Meaning, your own mind set is influencing your perception of her needs and wants.

LOL so the patriarchy allows women a choice to work, take a less demanding or not work while men are expected to work to provide for the family. Sounds like a really good deal for the women. Guess it is a woman privilege thing? Is your husband a SAHP?

Men make shitty sah dads.

[Anonymous]

Yes I am a woman who really does not want to work. But I like shopping and private schools so I work. When we got the lotto I’m not even giving two weeks notice, I plan to just never show back up. Good luck to them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few men and woman want to work. I "could" SAH. As my DH makes about 280k/yr and our mortgage is $2300/mo which is our only debt. My parents have already funded out kids college education. Life would be easy.

However, I work and earn almost ad much as DH life would not be hard it i didnt and i wouldn't have to shop at walmart and would still have nice stuff. I like my job and since my DH still would have to work I'd be bored. Of we won the lottery OF COURSE neither of us would work. We would travel way too much to be able to even maintain employment.

Ok. I don’t understand why you are both working full time. Wouldn’t you like your husband to switch to half time and get all of the home repairs done, pick the kids up from school every day, and make dinner every night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

DP. You're assuming every high earner wishes he didn't have to work, which isn't true.

Lol! My high earning DH HATES working. We are really power saving and only spending 25% of our combined net income (I work to help accelerate retirement). The second we have 10M invested we are retiring. Target is age 52 as soon as our 2nd child is in college.

You realize people are individuals, right? Some hate working and some don't. Some feel the pressure of being the sole provider and some thrive on it. Some women want to be SAHMs and some really, really don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me men want to work? I could have sworn DH told me if we won that billion mega millions he was going to retire that day, or two weeks notice but take vacation time.

This.

Men don't want to work either. My DH complains about having to work all the time and is jealous of lottery winners the same way your wife is jealous of her SIL.

Men don’t have the hormonal pull to children that women do. There’s something primal about wanting to care for your kids. Have you ever heard of a man crying when he returns to work after the baby is born? Have you seen men crying when leaving daycares?

I work and enjoy it but understand some women simply want to be with their kids.

That's B.S. Almost every man I know wanted kids badly, while many women I've known didn't. When I was single my friends and I would complain that all the men we dated wanted kids.

My DH was very upset when he had to go back to work after our DC was born. He would gladly give up his job to be a SAHD. We also know several SAHDs.