Do Women Really Not Want to Work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine not working. Sorry to the SAHM community, but I would feel like I was not contributing to the world and basically useless.

There are many ways to contribute to the world and be useful -- not just by working full time at a corporate job.

I don’t work at a corporate job.

Another who feels exactly as the previous poster does and also does not work a corporate job. The stay at home moms cannot imagine anything different because they don’t live in the world of work and are blinded by everything their bank account - sorry husband - says.

NP. This smacks of jealousy, just saying.

- Not a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

x 1000

I usually assume they don't read for pleasure or have any time consuming hobbies. I read 2 books a week, take classes at the gym, volunteer at my kids' school 2x a week, and ride my horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are extremely insecure OP. You wife is not blaming you for anything, that is in your head. She doesn't resent you, you are the one with perceived slights that she makes. You are the one who thinks he should have done better career wise. Women comment, and talk, men lack the ability to listen. She is talking about it, not wanting you to earn more. You are so tiresome with your perception that she emasculates you. It makes you unlikable.

I don't know where that comes from. I'm generally very happy in my career. I make a decent income - we would be in the top 5% of HHI even if DW did not work. I chose my career largely for the experience it would bring. I wanted international travel out of my career more than anything and I've had it in spades. Lived in 7 countries and traveled to another 32. Several years ago a client's wife commented to me that I had the "coolest job." I said had more of lifestyle than a job. If I had to do my same job, and be only in the United States in some office, then yeah, I might be dissatisfied, but I am not.

There's a lot more to life than money, a big house and a fancy car.

But I will turn the question around. How many women on these boards would be happy with a DH who expected not to work but to pursue his hobbies and interests while she went to work? Very few, I reckon.

There is a lot of discussion about SAHMs. My original question really wasn't about SAHM. My DW cannot be a SAHM. Kids have flown the coop. She just wants to be at home doing whatever other than "work."

What's wrong with that? Other than the fact that you want to keep working? Lots of people retire early. I'm assuming ya'll are in your fifties? My parents retired at 54 and have loved it. One good thing about it is, they're still young and healthy enough to ENJOY their lives and their free time. You can't always count on that in your sixties and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

It’s so cute that someone who depends on another adult to pay their bills talks about self-esteem.

New poster and SAHM here. My self worth is incredibly high because I am irreplaceable. There is no one on earth that can take care of my family as well as I can. It’s very rewarding.

They would miss you when you’re gone, but don’t kid yourself. You’re also not irreplaceable.

I work and I have no delusions about being replaceable, but I’ve touched a lot ofnlives and helped a lot of people so far and will continue to do so. It’s not about being irreplaceable to me. It’s about helping others who have been hurt and wronged and to be able to do that daily, and receive a simple tearful thank you, is so rewarding. Especially for me when it’s like, someone from another background or social world where we would never really cross paths. It really makes life feel like it’s about something bigger.

This is not true. Parents are not replaceable. I assume you haven't lost a parent yet? It's a hole that can't be filled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. Of course she is irreplaceable. The only person you're irreplaceable to is your children.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. Of course she is irreplaceable. The only person you're irreplaceable to is your children.

+1

Obviously. This has nothing to do with whether you work or don’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. Of course she is irreplaceable. The only person you're irreplaceable to is your children.

+1

Obviously. This has nothing to do with whether you work or don’t work.

People are correcting the person who tried to tell the SAHM not to kid herself, she is not irreplaceable to her family either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are extremely insecure OP. You wife is not blaming you for anything, that is in your head. She doesn't resent you, you are the one with perceived slights that she makes. You are the one who thinks he should have done better career wise. Women comment, and talk, men lack the ability to listen. She is talking about it, not wanting you to earn more. You are so tiresome with your perception that she emasculates you. It makes you unlikable.

I don't know where that comes from. I'm generally very happy in my career. I make a decent income - we would be in the top 5% of HHI even if DW did not work. I chose my career largely for the experience it would bring. I wanted international travel out of my career more than anything and I've had it in spades. Lived in 7 countries and traveled to another 32. Several years ago a client's wife commented to me that I had the "coolest job." I said had more of lifestyle than a job. If I had to do my same job, and be only in the United States in some office, then yeah, I might be dissatisfied, but I am not.

There's a lot more to life than money, a big house and a fancy car.

But I will turn the question around. How many women on these boards would be happy with a DH who expected not to work but to pursue his hobbies and interests while she went to work? Very few, I reckon.

There is a lot of discussion about SAHMs. My original question really wasn't about SAHM. My DW cannot be a SAHM. Kids have flown the coop. She just wants to be at home doing whatever other than "work."

Didn't you post that your career stagnated for several years, something about doing it for your family? That is where I got this idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. Of course she is irreplaceable. The only person you're irreplaceable to is your children.

+1

Obviously. This has nothing to do with whether you work or don’t work.

People are correcting the person who tried to tell the SAHM not to kid herself, she is not irreplaceable to her family either.

Stupid argument on both sides. Of course a parent is irreplaceable within their family. But that has nothing to do with whether one works or doesn’t work (ie not a reason not to work)..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are extremely insecure OP. You wife is not blaming you for anything, that is in your head. She doesn't resent you, you are the one with perceived slights that she makes. You are the one who thinks he should have done better career wise. Women comment, and talk, men lack the ability to listen. She is talking about it, not wanting you to earn more. You are so tiresome with your perception that she emasculates you. It makes you unlikable.

I don't know where that comes from. I'm generally very happy in my career. I make a decent income - we would be in the top 5% of HHI even if DW did not work. I chose my career largely for the experience it would bring. I wanted international travel out of my career more than anything and I've had it in spades. Lived in 7 countries and traveled to another 32. Several years ago a client's wife commented to me that I had the "coolest job." I said had more of lifestyle than a job. If I had to do my same job, and be only in the United States in some office, then yeah, I might be dissatisfied, but I am not.

There's a lot more to life than money, a big house and a fancy car.

But I will turn the question around. How many women on these boards would be happy with a DH who expected not to work but to pursue his hobbies and interests while she went to work? Very few, I reckon.

There is a lot of discussion about SAHMs. My original question really wasn't about SAHM. My DW cannot be a SAHM. Kids have flown the coop. She just wants to be at home doing whatever other than "work."

What's wrong with that? Other than the fact that you want to keep working? Lots of people retire early. I'm assuming ya'll are in your fifties? My parents retired at 54 and have loved it. One good thing about it is, they're still young and healthy enough to ENJOY their lives and their free time. You can't always count on that in your sixties and beyond.

+ 1

Why not let her retire early OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. Of course she is irreplaceable. The only person you're irreplaceable to is your children.

+1

Obviously. This has nothing to do with whether you work or don’t work.

People are correcting the person who tried to tell the SAHM not to kid herself, she is not irreplaceable to her family either.

Stupid argument on both sides. Of course a parent is irreplaceable within their family. But that has nothing to do with whether one works or doesn’t work (ie not a reason not to work)..

Providing childcare is a reason to not work out of the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone say they would feel useless if they didn’t work, even if they didn’t need the money, I think (a) everyone is replaceable. You and your job are not that important. (2) You need some imagination and self-esteem.

Plus a million. At the end of your life you are not going to look back and wish you had given more time and energy to your work. People who derive their sense of self from only or mostly their work are often blindsided when they discover their work doesn’t feel the same way about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine not working. Sorry to the SAHM community, but I would feel like I was not contributing to the world and basically useless.

There are many ways to contribute to the world and be useful -- not just by working full time at a corporate job.

I don’t work at a corporate job.

Another who feels exactly as the previous poster does and also does not work a corporate job. The stay at home moms cannot imagine anything different because they don’t live in the world of work and are blinded by everything their bank account - sorry husband - says.

NP. This smacks of jealousy, just saying.

- Not a SAHM

Not sure why you would think that but OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are extremely insecure OP. You wife is not blaming you for anything, that is in your head. She doesn't resent you, you are the one with perceived slights that she makes. You are the one who thinks he should have done better career wise. Women comment, and talk, men lack the ability to listen. She is talking about it, not wanting you to earn more. You are so tiresome with your perception that she emasculates you. It makes you unlikable.

I don't know where that comes from. I'm generally very happy in my career. I make a decent income - we would be in the top 5% of HHI even if DW did not work. I chose my career largely for the experience it would bring. I wanted international travel out of my career more than anything and I've had it in spades. Lived in 7 countries and traveled to another 32. Several years ago a client's wife commented to me that I had the "coolest job." I said had more of lifestyle than a job. If I had to do my same job, and be only in the United States in some office, then yeah, I might be dissatisfied, but I am not.

There's a lot more to life than money, a big house and a fancy car.

But I will turn the question around. How many women on these boards would be happy with a DH who expected not to work but to pursue his hobbies and interests while she went to work? Very few, I reckon.

There is a lot of discussion about SAHMs. My original question really wasn't about SAHM. My DW cannot be a SAHM. Kids have flown the coop. She just wants to be at home doing whatever other than "work."

What's wrong with that? Other than the fact that you want to keep working? Lots of people retire early. I'm assuming ya'll are in your fifties? My parents retired at 54 and have loved it. One good thing about it is, they're still young and healthy enough to ENJOY their lives and their free time. You can't always count on that in your sixties and beyond.

+ 1

Why not let her retire early OP?

Esp since she went to 7 countries with you. That can't have been fun for her career, so maybe if she stagnated because of you she doesn't want to spend the last years of her "career" grinding her way up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a SAHM, I so t mind working at all. What I would mind is working and doing everything else on top of that. I also wanted to be my kids primary caregiver for the first 3 years of their lives. So, for me, it’s not about not wanting to work. It’s about wanting other things more.

+1