Do Women Really Not Want to Work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Highly educated, high earning woman here, who is married to a similarly high earning man. In my ideal situation, we'd have $50m in the bank and we'd BOTH quit and hang out without responsibility. Maybe some volunteering here and there. Nothing too major. Donate lots of cash. My next ideal situation is our current situation (high earning, low hours). My least ideal is not working, while DH goes off to work every day. It's boring, creates an imbalance in the marriage (emotionally and financially), and unfulfilling for me.

Why would you be bored? Do you really think you couldn't find something worthwhile to do with your time, or do you only value earning money?

What do you suggest I do while I have children in school and I’m living in the DC area? I don’t workout and I dislike homemaking. I can’t travel extensively because I have children. Outside of taking up golf, I can’t figure out what I would do. One can only read so many books.

Learn to handle your kids and you can travel. I know plenty of WOH and SAH moms who do that. People who won’t travel with kids (but have money) are typically just not adept enough to handle their children under stressful situations. As for extensive travel, we’ve met plenty of families who’ve taken children out of school for a semester or more, and who were homeschooling on the road.

It’s jot about handling my kids. It’s the fact they are in SCHOOL. Are you suggesting I homeschool my kids and travel nonstop? because even a long trip and homeschooling is just ONE trip. Also, my husband can’t be out of work for extended periods of time. Besides the fact I like where I live and don’t want to have to leave so I’m not bored.

I don’t think anyone but you cares what you do with your time. Apparently you have a lot of free time on your hands because you post incessantly about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody WANTS to work. It's just more socially acceptable for women to say this vs. men.

+ 1

I find it hysterical that people refuse to admit this on here whereas in the REAL WORLD people LOVE to bang on about what they'd do with their free time if they won the Mega Millions. Every time it gets up to over 100M, people have the same conversations about this.

Because that kind of money is a game changer. Having $10 million is NOT.

Having to travel in order to not be bored still requires spending time in gross airports and all sorts of other crap. With $100 million this isn’t the case.

It’s why so many wealthy people still work. The more leisure time you have, the less valuable and enjoyable it becomes. Work serves a purpose for MANY people.

There are many women in DC who truly gain satisfaction from work. Our husbands don’t make enough where we can travel around on private jet and entertain ourselves doing who knows what.

Oh please. MOST people's lives would be dramatically changed if they suddenly got 10 million deposited into their bank accounts.

100 million or more is the kind of money you could never spend in a lifetime. I mean, you could but you'd have to really try and it would be gross to do so imho.

We don't even have 5 million but we live pretty well on a base salary of 750k plus bonuses and we have a few million in the bank. We don't fly private but we take luxury vacations at high end resorts 6 times a year. Our kids go to private school and do whatever expensive activities and camps they want to do. We have a nice house in NW and a beach house on the MD shore where we spend most of the summer months.

DH works from home about 50 hours a week and I don't work at all. We're in our late 30s. I guess the next step for us would be flying private and taking private yacht vacations. Right now we're comfortable spending up to 20k for a week away.

You’re seriously overspending (your husbands money).

[Anonymous]

I always thought I would want to work outside the home, but for me kids changed everything. I have an ivy degree, but left my intense field for a low stress part time job so I can spend more time with my kids. I would definitely take the pre-school years off completely if we were more wealthy or I knew I could easily jump back in. i didn't like daycare options. It's exhausting and can be lonely with a baby and toddler but I do like spending time with my kids. I also like cooking our meals, because eating out feels gross. I hate cleaning, so outsource some of it. I think I will also want to volunteer at my kids' school and be home when they get home (without aftercare.). I think we really put kids through a lot these days with activities and classes and sports when really they just want/need more downtime next to their parents doing mundane things like loading the dishwasher together. I'm not talking about flashcards or trips to Paris or anything, but most of my parent friends are all in such a hurry trying to frantically manage two full time jobs and daycare shuffling that they can't slow down for that stuff. They can afford the trips but the everyday is a hustle. That's not worth it to me. I'd rather live more frugally and be around my kids more. We make 200k so Feel fortunate but deliberately chose a more modest home, etc, so that I can be home more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are women still really looking for a man who makes enough money so they don’t have to work? My DWsems very jealous of my SIL who is a SAHM. I will note that my brother is not a “high earner” in the DCUM sense. He’s an O-6 in the army. But she gets all the perks and social status of bring an officer’s wife. I will also add my DW had her SAHM days, but our kids are grown and in college. She also has an Ivy degree and likes things like fancy cars. So, if you didn’t expect to work why did yo ge the degree and if you want to stay at home you’ll need to sacrifice ... no more fancy cars, designer handbags, etc. I’m willing to work in this p, but you’ll be driving a Honda and shopping at Walmart.

No, I don’t want to work at home cooking, cleaning, raising the children, picking up after spouse/kids/guests, taking care ofthe property and vehicles, planning vacations or appointments, managing the school/homework stuff, or determining what clothes or gears the kids need.

No way.

I’d rather be at the office or in work travel. Much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thread. I have a great job. It pays mediocrely. DH has a great job that he hates that pays awesomely.

Guess who puts the most into child care?

Who? How outa the most effort and time into childcare?

[Anonymous]

Work is a means to earn money that allows me to spend more time with my family and meet their needs. I can earn more to leave more for my kids after I die but I don't care for that. I'd rather spend time with my kids and after what I think is a adequate for their needs, I don't want to earn more.

Of all the people in the world, I would rather spend time with my kids and family and not my coworkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Highly educated, high earning woman here, who is married to a similarly high earning man. In my ideal situation, we'd have $50m in the bank and we'd BOTH quit and hang out without responsibility. Maybe some volunteering here and there. Nothing too major. Donate lots of cash. My next ideal situation is our current situation (high earning, low hours). My least ideal is not working, while DH goes off to work every day. It's boring, creates an imbalance in the marriage (emotionally and financially), and unfulfilling for me.

Why would you be bored? Do you really think you couldn't find something worthwhile to do with your time, or do you only value earning money?

What do you suggest I do while I have children in school and I’m living in the DC area? I don’t workout and I dislike homemaking. I can’t travel extensively because I have children. Outside of taking up golf, I can’t figure out what I would do. One can only read so many books.

Learn to handle your kids and you can travel. I know plenty of WOH and SAH moms who do that. People who won’t travel with kids (but have money) are typically just not adept enough to handle their children under stressful situations. As for extensive travel, we’ve met plenty of families who’ve taken children out of school for a semester or more, and who were homeschooling on the road.

It’s jot about handling my kids. It’s the fact they are in SCHOOL. Are you suggesting I homeschool my kids and travel nonstop? because even a long trip and homeschooling is just ONE trip. Also, my husband can’t be out of work for extended periods of time. Besides the fact I like where I live and don’t want to have to leave so I’m not bored.

I don’t think anyone but you cares what you do with your time. Apparently you have a lot of free time on your hands because you post incessantly about yourself.

Maybe she needs to work out. Might dial her down a bit...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an issue you're having with your wife. Every woman is different. I personally would never want to not work and leave my spouse to earn all the money. I actually feel a little sorry for my friends who stay home with their kids, their lives seem really pathetic. They are always complaining about needing a break and how their husbands never do anything around the house etc etc.

You sound like a great friend.

I mean, I guess at this point calling these women friends is false, I have definitely distanced myself from them since we've all had kids. I have nothing in common with women who stay at home all day and complain that they no longer have time to go to the spa and about how difficult their kids are and how they're soooo tired.

I’m sure they’re glad to be rid of you. Do you have the same contempt for your nanny or daycare provider? After all, they just sit around all day.

Actually, I don't have a nanny OR a daycare provider. Our work schedules allow for us to do the childcare ourselves. Best of both worlds, for sure. We split things pretty much down the middle-each of us does the same amount of childcare, we both pitch in around the house. It's nice to be in an egalitarian relationship, and you'll never catch either of us complaining how we need a break to go to the spa or that we are sick of our kid.

I have nothing against stay at home moms, I guess, but all the ones I know are miserable complainers who don't seem to enjoy their children at all. My mom was a stay at home mom and I don't remember her acting like stay at home moms do these days, and the way she talks about those years now that I'm an adult and a mom is nothing like the way the stay at home moms I know talk about staying home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to work, I can't imagine having that much leisure time. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd still work, but I'd change to a lower paying job that I used to do and loved.

Sure you would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody WANTS to work. It's just more socially acceptable for women to say this vs. men.

This. I’ve seen women go to extreme lengths to avoid working. Like trap a guy into marriage by getting pregnant -oops-“on accident” but they really stopped taking bc....some continue to pop out babies to avoid working. So, to answer your question- yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an issue you're having with your wife. Every woman is different. I personally would never want to not work and leave my spouse to earn all the money. I actually feel a little sorry for my friends who stay home with their kids, their lives seem really pathetic. They are always complaining about needing a break and how their husbands never do anything around the house etc etc.

You sound like a great friend.

I mean, I guess at this point calling these women friends is false, I have definitely distanced myself from them since we've all had kids. I have nothing in common with women who stay at home all day and complain that they no longer have time to go to the spa and about how difficult their kids are and how they're soooo tired.

I’m sure they’re glad to be rid of you. Do you have the same contempt for your nanny or daycare provider? After all, they just sit around all day.

Actually, I don't have a nanny OR a daycare provider. Our work schedules allow for us to do the childcare ourselves. Best of both worlds, for sure. We split things pretty much down the middle-each of us does the same amount of childcare, we both pitch in around the house. It's nice to be in an egalitarian relationship, and you'll never catch either of us complaining how we need a break to go to the spa or that we are sick of our kid.

I have nothing against stay at home moms, I guess, but all the ones I know are miserable complainers who don't seem to enjoy their children at all. My mom was a stay at home mom and I don't remember her acting like stay at home moms do these days, and the way she talks about those years now that I'm an adult and a mom is nothing like the way the stay at home moms I know talk about staying home.

Sounds like you need new friends. And to stop generalizing based on a few miserable people.

You need to realize that your situation is unattainable by a vast majority of families. Most people do not have the extreme flexibility that you describe in order to have no child care and completely balanced caretakung/housekeeping duties. For many people, the reality is that the bulk of child rearing falls on one parent due to career demands, whether that parent works out of the home or not. And that is exhausting. Don’t judge people for venting or claim they don’t enjoy their kids. If you say parenting is all roses and never frustrating, difficult, annoying, etc, you are a liar.

[Anonymous]

Fulfilling work, good pay, flexible timing, telework option when needed (school closing, sick child, summer vacation) great coworkers, good boss, short commute. Sign me up now!

- SAHM who would work if I have this perfect opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Millions of people really do not want to work. It's called welfare, workers comp, unemployment insurance. The rest of us have to work although we'd prefer to not have to but we have to if we want to live decently.

[Anonymous]

I don’’t really get the mommy wars because everyone should be open to the idea that even if they feel stridently in favor of being either a sahm or wohm, they might change their mind at some point. I opted to stay home with my first two until they were 5, worked part time with number 3 from when he was 6 months until her was five, then returned to work full time. I’ve wanted different things at different times, all valid choices and very individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an issue you're having with your wife. Every woman is different. I personally would never want to not work and leave my spouse to earn all the money. I actually feel a little sorry for my friends who stay home with their kids, their lives seem really pathetic. They are always complaining about needing a break and how their husbands never do anything around the house etc etc.

You sound like a great friend.

I mean, I guess at this point calling these women friends is false, I have definitely distanced myself from them since we've all had kids. I have nothing in common with women who stay at home all day and complain that they no longer have time to go to the spa and about how difficult their kids are and how they're soooo tired.

When my educated career minded women friends quit after 15-20 years of work to stay home and do kid and gomemaking their husbands really checked out in the home front. It was sad to see; the dads didn’t know what was going on in any of their lives, their friends, sports teams, classes. Really pathetic.
If the DH doesn’t appreciate SAHM or find a way to stay actively involved: forget it.