Do Women Really Not Want to Work?

[Anonymous]

I have doubts the OP is real. But if he is:

Put it this way, I don't work, and I also don't shop at Walmart. We are comfortably off and yes, that is why I don't have to work. If I needed to work, I wouldn't mind working either. I didn't set out to become a SAHM but it's just how life unfolded for me. I have an Ivy degree, I consider myself well educated and intellectually active, and I will probably never have a job for the rest of my life and I'm not even 40. And I'm fine with that. And yes, life is still busy enough.

Are there women who aim to become a SAHM even before they've met their husbands? Yes. Is that good or bad? Neither. As long as both parties in the marriage are honest with each other and their expectations, then there's no need to be judgmental. There are some women who have idealized expectations of a 1950s style marriage, and there are also some men who do, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know...for a lot of women it's less about Not Wanting to Work and more about Not Wanting to Miss All That time with Their Kids While They're Small Because it goes by so Fast.

This. I did two short stints when I had infants. I never thought about not returning to work once they were in good childcare. Though, as much as I love my career, I needed more flexibility and less stress during the middle school and high school years. I don’t care about the material stuff at all. If my kid needs me to be home, a luxury car does neither of us any good.

[Anonymous]

I dont want to work but have to to maintain our lifetstyle. We are not rich by any means. I make $50,000 and DW ( 2 Mom family) makes $90,000. So we could scrape by on her income alone but there would be no nice vacations, no gymnastics or art classes for DD, no playing golf fo DW etc.
I am 45 though and have been working since I was 13 working on the weekends. I am just done. But I keep doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine that an Ivy League grad is really jealous of a military officer’s wife. And I say this as a former military officer (female).

You would think, right? I bet though they are still very competitive and that could be why.

[Anonymous]

This really sounds like an issue you believe you have with your wife. I wouldn't seek out views about whether "women want" something because the only one that matters is your wife. If she wants to be the wife of a military officer, it doesn't matter whether the rest of us do or not.

[Anonymous]

I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Does your wife not want to work or not want her particular job? I spent part of my Saturday stressing about how I will have to ask to shift my hours a bit one day a week to accommodate dropping off DC thanks to a change in DH's schedule. I am in a professional-level job, organized and completed my own work entirely independently during my PhD, am not public facing, and everyone in my office has slightly different set hours - 'm just pissed. Off. that needing to come in and leave later one day a week is something requiring formal approval, and that approval may not be granted because it's not explicitly allowed in our HR handbook.

Whew. Sorry, diversion. Anyway, maybe it's not the working itself, it's feeling locked into the bullshit of a particular job.

[Anonymous]

I can see enjoying an o-6 lifestyle if they get good assignments. I am the daughter of an o-5 and my mother shopped her way through Europe. She also was a useless and not very nice person. I always thought I wanted my mothers stay at home life with her perfect house. Nope. I have an amazing career and kids and a husband who is going nuts because I am so career focused. You cant win OP

[Anonymous]

I have never wanted to work. I am happy enough in my job but truly, there are so many better things I could be doing. It's not about being a SAHM as this predates my having kids... Although having a child really intensified the feeling.

That said, I'm not wishing my spouse was an officer. We've both seen that life close up: there are benefits but also lots of hardships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me men want to work? I could have sworn DH told me if we won that billion mega millions he was going to retire that day, or two weeks notice but take vacation time.

This.

Men don't want to work either. My DH complains about having to work all the time and is jealous of lottery winners the same way your wife is jealous of her SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

DP. You're assuming every high earner wishes he didn't have to work, which isn't true.

[Anonymous]

Very few men and woman want to work. I "could" SAH. As my DH makes about 280k/yr and our mortgage is $2300/mo which is our only debt. My parents have already funded out kids college education. Life would be easy.

However, I work and earn almost ad much as DH life would not be hard it i didnt and i wouldn't have to shop at walmart and would still have nice stuff. I like my job and since my DH still would have to work I'd be bored. Of we won the lottery OF COURSE neither of us would work. We would travel way too much to be able to even maintain employment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you telling me men want to work? I could have sworn DH told me if we won that billion mega millions he was going to retire that day, or two weeks notice but take vacation time.

This.

Men don't want to work either. My DH complains about having to work all the time and is jealous of lottery winners the same way your wife is jealous of her SIL.

Men don’t have the hormonal pull to children that women do. There’s something primal about wanting to care for your kids. Have you ever heard of a man crying when he returns to work after the baby is born? Have you seen men crying when leaving daycares?

I work and enjoy it but understand some women simply want to be with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

PP here. I get what you're saying but he has a really sweet gig. He has a ton of flexibility - he can basically come and go as he likes as long as he gets his stuff done. He only works about 55 hours a week. Short 10 minute commute. He gets six weeks off a year, which we use to travel. One of the reasons he's always been against having me go back to work is that it would really restrict our ability to travel (first world problem, I know). Plus he likes the people he works with and likes what he does. He has a lot of creative control and autonomy.