S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Quiet. Look in the mirror and wonder why you cared so much about her opinion on topic x,y,z. Perhaps she could have faked something disingenuous. Or she knew better to keep her mouth shut. Offending ppl, etc...

Try active listening. You really get to know ppl when you care to listen to them.

Huh? Who said anything about anyone caring about what she had to say? The point is, if you can not actively participate, why are you even physically there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat introverted person here. I have a theory as to what was going on here.

You said you guys were gossiping. Well, when I'm around a group of people (read: women) who speak negatively about people who aren't present at the table -- especially if they're sharing intensely personal information about other people's health, personal lives, etc. that I rightly should not know -- I clam up on purpose. I don't trust these kind of people.

So I "observe the conversation" then I go home knowing I didn't sell myself out by trying to be "vulnerable".

ME TOO. I'll be friendly on the outside but I will never want to get close to a group who gossips about others.

[Anonymous]

Well, imagine you and your friends were runners. You invited someone to come run with you who wasn’t as much of a runner. Would you find it annoying, unkind, antisocial, or lacking in etiquette if she fell behind?

Some people are loud, exhuberant, and uninhibited, and some aren’t. Some are fast runners and some aren’t. You don’t need to be offended by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classy people make others in their group feel comfortable. OP must not be classy.

+1

Nailed it.

Opposite actually. She made the group uncomfortable with the void of opinions, insights, or contributions. I’m not the arbiter of what is classy, but I wouldn’t describe that type of behavior as classy. This is op btw (poster above is not). While I appreciate the defense I do like getting to know people, even people I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read Quiet. Look in the mirror and wonder why you cared so much about her opinion on topic x,y,z. Perhaps she could have faked something disingenuous. Or she knew better to keep her mouth shut. Offending ppl, etc...

Try active listening. You really get to know ppl when you care to listen to them.

Huh? Who said anything about anyone caring about what she had to say? The point is, if you can not actively participate, why are you even physically there?

Next time you should put on the invitation that “active participation is required.” People will otherwise think that when you invite them to dinner it just means they want you to join them at dinner.

[Anonymous]

How well do you know this person, OP? Have you been out with her before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classy people make others in their group feel comfortable. OP must not be classy.

+1

Nailed it.

Opposite actually. She made the group uncomfortable with the void of opinions, insights, or contributions. I’m not the arbiter of what is classy, but I wouldn’t describe that type of behavior as classy. This is op btw (poster above is not). While I appreciate the defense I do like getting to know people, even people I know.

WTF about any of those posts made you feel they defended you? I would consider them eviscerating...but I am an introvert.

I can do the dog and pony show in command, too. I would do it for you because you clearly suck as a dinner companion. My friends don’t need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classy people make others in their group feel comfortable. OP must not be classy.

+1

Nailed it.

Opposite actually. She made the group uncomfortable with the void of opinions, insights, or contributions. I’m not the arbiter of what is classy, but I wouldn’t describe that type of behavior as classy. This is op btw (poster above is not). While I appreciate the defense I do like getting to know people, even people I know.

WTF about any of those posts made you feel they defended you? I would consider them eviscerating...but I am an introvert.

I can do the dog and pony show in command, too. I would do it for you because you clearly suck as a dinner companion. My friends don’t need it.

Just a lone poster above. Anyway I’m not surprised that people on this site feel defensive. Obviously I struck a nerve. Not surprised since there are people here constantly lamenting how they cannot make friends, and not to mention it’s 8 pm on a Saturday and you are online on this site. It’s kind of self selecting that the responders are defensive and antisocial!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classy people make others in their group feel comfortable. OP must not be classy.

+1

Nailed it.

Opposite actually. She made the group uncomfortable with the void of opinions, insights, or contributions. I’m not the arbiter of what is classy, but I wouldn’t describe that type of behavior as classy. This is op btw (poster above is not). While I appreciate the defense I do like getting to know people, even people I know.

WTF about any of those posts made you feel they defended you? I would consider them eviscerating...but I am an introvert.

I can do the dog and pony show in command, too. I would do it for you because you clearly suck as a dinner companion. My friends don’t need it.

See I call it “conversation”. You call it a dog and pony show. And I don’t know your friends but I’m certain they would prefer to hear from you instead of talking while you watch them.

[Anonymous]

OP, you haven’t clarified how well you know this person. Are you making this complaint after many similar experiences with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classy people make others in their group feel comfortable. OP must not be classy.

+1

Nailed it.

Opposite actually. She made the group uncomfortable with the void of opinions, insights, or contributions. I’m not the arbiter of what is classy, but I wouldn’t describe that type of behavior as classy. This is op btw (poster above is not). While I appreciate the defense I do like getting to know people, even people I know.

WTF about any of those posts made you feel they defended you? I would consider them eviscerating...but I am an introvert.

I can do the dog and pony show in command, too. I would do it for you because you clearly suck as a dinner companion. My friends don’t need it.

Just a lone poster above. Anyway I’m not surprised that people on this site feel defensive. Obviously I struck a nerve. Not surprised since there are people here constantly lamenting how they cannot make friends, and not to mention it’s 8 pm on a Saturday and you are online on this site. It’s kind of self selecting that the responders are defensive and antisocial!

Um.

Introverts want to be alone. You, an extrovert, do not.

I don't think the bold is a slam on introverts. (?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well OP is proud of her conversational skills, obviously. Maybe she was disappointed the dinner partner didn't ask any questions about OP so she couldn't discuss her favorite subject. Or maybe she's just a world-class talker and intimidated the other person.

No, I was disappointed she didn’t add one thing to the dinner and drank wine and just watched us. It was lazy and lame. And it’s not a “communication style” when there is no communication!

Did you try to draw her out at all?

Did she try to volunteer any thoughts or ask questions? See how that works? Like a pp said, be a grown up, be interesting, sorry, but make small talk to find common ground. Be interesting yourself. And the honest PP who said she tries, and struggles, good for you. That's so much more honest and rewarding than the lazy people who just say, oh I don'tlike gossip or overwhelming extroverts. Not OP, but I did post earlier in this thread. Touchy topic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you haven’t clarified how well you know this person. Are you making this complaint after many similar experiences with her?

I’ve known her since 2002. She’s not in my innermost circle of friends but she’s in my regular friend circle and this is how she is. I’m not saying I dislike her. But I dislike this aspect of her personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well OP is proud of her conversational skills, obviously. Maybe she was disappointed the dinner partner didn't ask any questions about OP so she couldn't discuss her favorite subject. Or maybe she's just a world-class talker and intimidated the other person.

No, I was disappointed she didn’t add one thing to the dinner and drank wine and just watched us. It was lazy and lame. And it’s not a “communication style” when there is no communication!

Did you try to draw her out at all?

Did she try to volunteer any thoughts or ask questions? See how that works? Like a pp said, be a grown up, be interesting, sorry, but make small talk to find common ground. Be interesting yourself. And the honest PP who said she tries, and struggles, good for you. That's so much more honest and rewarding than the lazy people who just say, oh I don'tlike gossip or overwhelming extroverts. Not OP, but I did post earlier in this thread. Touchy topic!

Well do you want to have some conversation or just sit back and judge? The latter apparently. (p.s.: I kinda do see OP's point, but I can't see going after this person as she's doing here; she seems personally offended). And how did this quiet person get invited in the first place?

[Anonymous]

You never know, maybe her grandma just died or she had painful endometriosis or she’s suffering major depression or she was feeling self-conscious about some perceived flaw, or she just felt like you and your friends all knew one another and she didn’t.

But maybe you’re right and anyone not comfortable in the mean girl crowd is just gross.